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02-08-2009, 04:03 PM
| #1 |
| Senior Warrior Member War Room Member  Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Kaufman, Texas, USA.
Posts: 1,563
Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 26
Thanked 48 Times in 31 Posts
|  Please critic my sales letter :)
Hi Warriors, Can you please look over my sales letter and give me your thoughts? I had it reviewed earlier and have made some of the changes. How does the headline and subheadline look? Here is the site: http://www.trafficassociation.com/ I really appreciate any help as I want this site to convert really well Best regards, Dennis |
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02-08-2009, 05:13 PM
| #2 | |
| Veteran Copywriter War Room Member  Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Sarasota, FL, USA.
Posts: 3,421
Thanks: 178
Thanked 1,290 Times in 580 Posts
| Re: Please critic my sales letter :) Quote:
-Ray | |
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02-08-2009, 06:38 PM
| #4 |
| Veteran Copywriter War Room Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Sarasota, FL, USA.
Posts: 3,421
Thanks: 178
Thanked 1,290 Times in 580 Posts
| Re: Please critic my sales letter :)
I can give you one 'editing' tip that will strengthen your copy right away: Go through the copy and remove the word THAT where it would not affect the meaning of the sentence when removed. You have a total of 39 "thats" and this makes the copy sound soft and academic. For example, In fact, I'm so confident you'll never look back once you've seen everything XXX Traffic Association has to offer, XXX I'll let you try it for a full two months - risk free. I removed the "that" with XXX. (Read with and without and see the difference) Some other examples pulled randomly from your copy: Can you see the value of Traffic Association yet? Can you see how you will benefit from all XXX we have to offer? This is just a few of the results... I can guarantee you will see results like the above and better, because this system was built on the foundation XXX the search engines rely on.... Every one knows XXX more traffic equals more sales - get more sales and increase your profit from the traffic increase! -Ray Edwards |
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02-08-2009, 06:52 PM
| #5 |
| Senior Warrior Member War Room Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Kaufman, Texas, USA.
Posts: 1,563
Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 26
Thanked 48 Times in 31 Posts
| Re: Please critic my sales letter :)
Wow thanks Ray..... I am going to go through and remove the "thats" where not needed like you said.. I really appreciate you taking the time to review it.. Dennis |
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02-08-2009, 07:02 PM
| #6 |
| Trust Establisher War Room Member  Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Long Island, NY.
Posts: 2,972
Thanks: 535
Thanked 172 Times in 128 Posts
| Re: Please critic my sales letter :)
Good work Dennis. Lots of revisions, but it looks like the only thing you have left to add is more social proof. If you need another testi let me know... Best of luck! |
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02-08-2009, 07:08 PM
| #7 |
| Senior Warrior Member War Room Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Kaufman, Texas, USA.
Posts: 1,563
Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 26
Thanked 48 Times in 31 Posts
| Re: Please critic my sales letter :)
Hello Justin, I already have a spot reserved just for you  Ray also I forgot to add YOU to if you are interested... If you can both just email me here: dennisjc @ embarqmail.com So I can send you the register details. I really appreciate all the help!! Best regards, Dennis |
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02-08-2009, 07:29 PM
| #8 | |
| Trust Establisher War Room Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Long Island, NY.
Posts: 2,972
Thanks: 535
Thanked 172 Times in 128 Posts
| Re: Please critic my sales letter :)
Great Dennis, I look forward to chomping right into it Email on it's way... Quote:
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02-08-2009, 08:17 PM
| #9 |
| Senior Warrior Member War Room Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Kaufman, Texas, USA.
Posts: 1,563
Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 26
Thanked 48 Times in 31 Posts
| Re: Please critic my sales letter :)
Ok Ray, I went through and changed what you suggested and a couple more I found and it seems it flows a little smoother Man you learn something new everyday Does the headline and subheadline work ok? Dennis |
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| critic, letter, sales |
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