Does This Sales page make sense?

TimRobinson · 02-12-2009, 08:15 AM

Hey All,
I've recently launched my Split Testing / Sales Page Optimization software called the Conversion Chicken.

It's converting rather well.

However I still seem to be getting a lot of confused visitors, not understanding the product or emailing me with strange questions which I thought were clearly outlined in the copy.

I'd just like your opinion on the copy, does it flow well and look right?

Is there anything that could be improved?

and does this sales page make sense? or is there anything you see which could throw people off?

Perhaps I've got a blindspot from being too close to the product and just need to take a step back and see what others think.

I do use the software on it's own sales page, and it's increased the Conversion Rate substantially, however unfortunately it can't pick up where visitors are getting confused

EDIT: Page is at: http://www.conversionchicken.com (doh!)

Cheers, Tim

P.S. Feel free to try out the product if you like, see how much it improves your own copy

procopywriter · 02-13-2009, 03:53 AM

ummmm... can you post a link?

TheMagicShow · 02-13-2009, 04:49 AM

Powerful Software To Triple Your Sales In 24 Hours!

There you go.

John_S · 02-13-2009, 05:22 AM

I would suggest you test a short "Split run testing is..." paragraph, perhaps two.

Phil · 02-13-2009, 06:19 AM

My first response is - I don't understand the name. The Conversion
Chicken? Where did that come from? Do chickens have some
relation to converting traffic that I am unaware of - apart from
the traffic that runs them over in the joke?

And something I noticed in your landing page copy is that you
refer to a friend that got some software for free, then you
say you went out and bought that software. So what was it -
free or priced?

And how is that landing page working out for you? Is it doing
better than using the sales page alone?

Phil

kcartlidge · 02-13-2009, 08:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phil

And something I noticed in your landing page copy is that you refer to a friend that got some software for free, then you say you went out and bought that software. So what was it - free or priced?

Indeed. Also, on the site it says "Instead he invested in a FREE piece of software" which is another contradiction.

Regardless of the importance or otherwise of such little points, any element of confusion introduced by the copy, no matter how trivial, helps to build a subconscious feeling of overall confusion which will deter people. It breeds uncertainty regarding the site as a whole.

TimRobinson · 02-13-2009, 08:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by procopywriter

ummmm... can you post a link?

Doh! It's http://www.conversionchicken.com

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phil

My first response is - I don't understand the name. The Conversion
Chicken? Where did that come from? Do chickens have some
relation to converting traffic that I am unaware of - apart from
the traffic that runs them over in the joke?

Heh, name was a joke from a friend, something catchy, kind of stuck from then on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kcartlidge

Indeed. Also, on the site it says "Instead he invested in a FREE piece of software" which is another contradiction.

Thanks for that, didn't realize I had that error in there. It used to be a flat fee for the program but I recently changed it to free trial + subscription, so there are some mistakes left over from before.

The presell page is doing surprisingly well, currently converting at:

Main Page only: 9.12%
Presell to Main page: 10.22%

Cheers, Tim

procopywriter · 02-13-2009, 03:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kcartlidge

Indeed. Also, on the site it says "Instead he invested in a FREE piece of software" which is another contradiction.

Regardless of the importance or otherwise of such little points, any element of confusion introduced by the copy, no matter how trivial, helps to build a subconscious feeling of overall confusion which will deter people. It breeds uncertainty regarding the site as a whole.

Excellent point. The confused mind doesn't buy or act. In copy (just as in sales), everything counts: rhythm and flow... how you structure sentences. how words "sound" in the readers mind... momentum... clarity... down to each individual word choice.

One seemingly innocent word or phrase can evoke subconscious thought patterns that work against you.

For example, I just did a telephone critique with a new client today. She used the phrase "let us... [do something for you]". At first, you may think "Let us" is pretty harmless.

But the word "let" implies a "pleading" for permission. Instead of building value and creating the desire in the prospect's mind to take action, she was "pleading".

"Little" things like that count. Which is why a good copywriter is worth his weight in gold.

Aaron

procopywriter · 02-13-2009, 03:39 PM

Here are some comments that jump out at me:

The phrase "money getting" is weak and awkward. "Get" is a boring, weak verb. Plus, this kind of phrase would seem to imply this is for business opportunity seekers looking to make money... while in the next line you refer to "increase sales", which is only a benefit to someone ALREADY in business. There is an incongruency in your message right off the bat.

The subhead: The phrase "while it's still available" is in an awkward place in the sentence which makes the meaning unclear. At the very least it causes a "pause" in the reader to "figure out" what you mean. Pauses are dangerous--particularly in the headline and lead.

Your first sentence: "You are about to go into the twisted, shocking world of advanced Internet marketing." "Go" is a weak verb. If you want more energy, use something like "descend" or "step into" or something of the sort. Also... I'm not sure if "twisted" or "shocking" are the right words here. You need to tweak with this.

In the second sentence.... "I understand you're a busy person with many things to do..." Now you've reminded me of how incredibly busy I am. Better stop reading and get back to work!

I think the name "Conversion Chicken" is kind of cute with the alliteration and everything. I don't have a problem with it because it's catchy. But you should definitely play up the "chicken" aspect in the graphics/logo. You've got a fun name combined with dry graphics. Another incongruency.

Aaron

TimSchaefer · 02-13-2009, 05:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TimRobinson

However I still seem to be getting a lot of confused visitors, not understanding the product or emailing me with strange questions which I thought were clearly outlined in the copy.

What are their questions?

That's where I'd start.

But I can certainly see how they'd get confused. I had a tough time making it through (ended up skimming and skipping around).

You're offer for a 14 day trial is a little confusing, too. I had to go to your download page in order to clarify how it worked. Looks like I don't have to enter a credit card number and I'll probably be told after 2 weeks that I have to register.

So here's an idea...

(To quote John Carlton) "Just sell the damn thing!"

Up top, GIVE IT AWAY. Give them a quick rundown with important bullets and tell them to just go ahead and give it a try... it's free! All "above the fold" with the opt-in box right there.

Then you can spend the rest of the space below tossing them the details, proof, your story and so on if you want.

I'm just shooting from the hip here, and it'd require a little more thinking through, but if you're giving them the software on a 2-week trial basis and you include video instructions, then just push the download, build your list of interested users and then focus on working the list and getting them to stay on board by buying.

You could spend the 2 weeks sending them new tips, playing up the features and benefits and showing them that it's really worth their time to invest a few bucks over using a freebie like Google Optimizer.

Something to chew on.

Tim

P.S. Why the "pre-sell" page? I'd test going without it.

Justin Mandel · 02-13-2009, 06:34 PM

I'd like to see a flash graphic of a chicken with crazy eyes counting dollar signs in a bubble above his head

Joshua Uebergang · 02-16-2009, 10:05 PM

Chicken conversion - as I said before Tim, there's elements there that you can work with to promote your product.

If we brainstormed 50+ ideas, you could get some real kickers to increase sales.

- Find the scraps of your sales letters
- Pick the scraps that cost you money
- Pick the scraps in your sales letter with split-testing
- Conversion chicken discovers the scraps so you don't have to (idea of testing being the only proof)
- You don't need an eagle when a chicken will do (a crappy undeveloped idea of being the lower price option in your market)
- Let conversion chicken lay golden eggs on your sales page with split-testing

You get the drift. Just make sure it's clear!

David.Beckman · 02-22-2009, 06:21 PM

It seems to me that you would have to know a little bit about all this stuff to understand what exactly you are talking about which could be a problem for someone just starting out - I also would go with a more emotional appoach - perhaps your peeling back the curtain to show how the big-wig marketiers make floods of cash, offering us your magic pill after working like crazy to make a scrap of cash on the internet and finally coming up with your system.

just a suggestion...

02-12-2009, 08:15 AM	#1
TimRobinson HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 397 Thanks: 15 Thanked 14 Times in 13 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Does This Sales page make sense? Hey All, I've recently launched my Split Testing / Sales Page Optimization software called the Conversion Chicken. It's converting rather well. However I still seem to be getting a lot of confused visitors, not understanding the product or emailing me with strange questions which I thought were clearly outlined in the copy. I'd just like your opinion on the copy, does it flow well and look right? Is there anything that could be improved? and does this sales page make sense? or is there anything you see which could throw people off? Perhaps I've got a blindspot from being too close to the product and just need to take a step back and see what others think. I do use the software on it's own sales page, and it's increased the Conversion Rate substantially, however unfortunately it can't pick up where visitors are getting confused EDIT: Page is at: http://www.conversionchicken.com (doh!) Cheers, Tim P.S. Feel free to try out the product if you like, see how much it improves your own copy
	Free Visual Split Testing and Heatmapping software that will rapidly increase your copywriting results (and profits) by giving you access to successful and failed tests hundreds of others have run

02-13-2009, 03:53 AM	#2
procopywriter Joshua Aaron Stanley Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Redondo Beach, CA Posts: 137 Thanks: 1 Thanked 34 Times in 30 Posts Social Networking	Re: Does This Sales page make sense? ummmm... can you post a link?
	Joshua Aaron Stanley, The 'Spiritual' Copywriter: Breakthrough Response Rates Without The Hype Free eBook & Blog: Spiritual Copy

02-13-2009, 04:49 AM	#3
TheMagicShow Success Is No Illusion! War Room Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: , , . Posts: 3,764 Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 41 Thanked 109 Times in 78 Posts	Re: Does This Sales page make sense? Powerful Software To Triple Your Sales In 24 Hours! There you go.
	" You can either give a man a fish and feed him for a day OR teach him how to catch a fish and it will feed him for a lifetime"

02-13-2009, 05:22 AM	#4
John_S Advanced Warrior Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: , , . Posts: 858 Thanks: 22 Thanked 384 Times in 231 Posts	Re: Does This Sales page make sense? I would suggest you test a short "Split run testing is..." paragraph, perhaps two.

02-13-2009, 06:19 AM	#5
Phil Advanced Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: London, United Kingdom Posts: 830 Thanks: 14 Thanked 8 Times in 8 Posts Social Networking	Re: Does This Sales page make sense? My first response is - I don't understand the name. The Conversion Chicken? Where did that come from? Do chickens have some relation to converting traffic that I am unaware of - apart from the traffic that runs them over in the joke? And something I noticed in your landing page copy is that you refer to a friend that got some software for free, then you say you went out and bought that software. So what was it - free or priced? And how is that landing page working out for you? Is it doing better than using the sales page alone? Phil
	For my full online copywriting service visit writingbyphil.com

02-13-2009, 03:39 PM	#9
procopywriter Joshua Aaron Stanley Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Redondo Beach, CA Posts: 137 Thanks: 1 Thanked 34 Times in 30 Posts Social Networking	Re: Does This Sales page make sense? Here are some comments that jump out at me: The phrase "money getting" is weak and awkward. "Get" is a boring, weak verb. Plus, this kind of phrase would seem to imply this is for business opportunity seekers looking to make money... while in the next line you refer to "increase sales", which is only a benefit to someone ALREADY in business. There is an incongruency in your message right off the bat. The subhead: The phrase "while it's still available" is in an awkward place in the sentence which makes the meaning unclear. At the very least it causes a "pause" in the reader to "figure out" what you mean. Pauses are dangerous--particularly in the headline and lead. Your first sentence: "You are about to go into the twisted, shocking world of advanced Internet marketing." "Go" is a weak verb. If you want more energy, use something like "descend" or "step into" or something of the sort. Also... I'm not sure if "twisted" or "shocking" are the right words here. You need to tweak with this. In the second sentence.... "I understand you're a busy person with many things to do..." Now you've reminded me of how incredibly busy I am. Better stop reading and get back to work! I think the name "Conversion Chicken" is kind of cute with the alliteration and everything. I don't have a problem with it because it's catchy. But you should definitely play up the "chicken" aspect in the graphics/logo. You've got a fun name combined with dry graphics. Another incongruency. Aaron
	Joshua Aaron Stanley, The 'Spiritual' Copywriter: Breakthrough Response Rates Without The Hype Free eBook & Blog: Spiritual Copy

02-13-2009, 06:34 PM	#11
Justin Mandel Trust Establisher War Room Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Long Island, NY. Posts: 2,968 Thanks: 526 Thanked 170 Times in 127 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Does This Sales page make sense? I'd like to see a flash graphic of a chicken with crazy eyes counting dollar signs in a bubble above his head
	Join Us For Our March I.M. Press Release Generator Launch & Get AWESOME FREE VALUABLE BONUSES!!!

02-16-2009, 10:05 PM	#12
Joshua Uebergang literally above the crowd War Room Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Kick-ass Brisbane Posts: 2,071 Thanks: 29 Thanked 26 Times in 9 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Does This Sales page make sense? Chicken conversion - as I said before Tim, there's elements there that you can work with to promote your product. If we brainstormed 50+ ideas, you could get some real kickers to increase sales. - Find the scraps of your sales letters - Pick the scraps that cost you money - Pick the scraps in your sales letter with split-testing - Conversion chicken discovers the scraps so you don't have to (idea of testing being the only proof) - You don't need an eagle when a chicken will do (a crappy undeveloped idea of being the lower price option in your market) - Let conversion chicken lay golden eggs on your sales page with split-testing You get the drift. Just make sure it's clear!
	Get health, wealth, and rambling insights from a mad gangly man at ⇒ JoshuaUebergang.com

02-22-2009, 06:21 PM	#13
David.Beckman Warrior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 23 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Re: Does This Sales page make sense? It seems to me that you would have to know a little bit about all this stuff to understand what exactly you are talking about which could be a problem for someone just starting out - I also would go with a more emotional appoach - perhaps your peeling back the curtain to show how the big-wig marketiers make floods of cash, offering us your magic pill after working like crazy to make a scrap of cash on the internet and finally coming up with your system. just a suggestion...