Critique my ad!!!

[walkerton]

Please tell me where I can make improvements on this ad.

Thanks,
Korey

[travlinguy]

Nice job. The only thing I'd suggest is putting in a short account of someone who ended up getting a larger return after shopping around a bit and finding your service. That would really help to make your case for getting the max refund.

[Loren Woirhaye]

Well, I think maybe you need to put in in another
format. Your doc came up empty for me.

[walkerton]

Thanks for the advice. Anyone else like to rip this ad apart?

Korey

[TimSchaefer]

I'd tweak the headline to:

WARNING! Read This Before Filing Your Tax Return...

Then I'd move the second paragraph to come right before the "Maximum Refund Guaranteed" subhead. Let them get to the part about them ("Why does this matter to you") first.

Also, I'd lose the last lines leading up to that part. ("So that’s what we do. If you want your money back as soon as possible then Walkerton Tax Services is the right place for you!")

And, right at the beginning of paragraph four, I'd introduce the "I" the reader is hearing from.

Example:

"My name is Korey Walkerton of Walkerton Tax Services. I hear from regular folks just like you..."

Finally, instead of a "call if you have any questions" statement, make it a "stop by or call XXX-XXX-XXXX today to set up an appointment" call to action. (And make sure they can see that number. Make it a few sizes bigger if you have to.)

Tim

[Hugh Thyer]

Remove the second mention of your location and replace it with a testimonial. Could be spaced out a bit better, its quite heavy going on your eyes.

Also, put a photo with a caption like "John Smith - Getting People The Biggest Returns Possible".

Perhaps the headline could be more dramatic, eg WARNING: If you havent lodged your tax return then this could be the chance to pocket even more money

or something like that. I personally didnt think you motivated me enough to read the ad with your headline.

Another style of ad to test would be The 7 Reasons To Talk To Walkerton Tax BEFORE Your Regular Tax Agent

Otherwise I liked the ad.

[llott]

If you could feature “Just give me back ALL the money I’m supposed to get from the IRS, I don’t want Uncle Sam keeping any of it!” in a header or separate paragraph bolded I think that would be good..... It "aggravates" action for all us people distrustful of the govment.

[Rus Sells]

Head Line

DON'T FILE YOUR TAX RETURN...

Not all tax preparation companies
are created equal! If your regular
folks like me, you don't need a
tax guy who does taxes for huge
corporations, right?

At Walkerton Tax Services we are
regular folks helping people get the
biggest and fastest tax refunds possible,
without problems from the IRS.

Why does this matter to you?
Hard working folks shouldn't have
to wait for their hard earned tax
refund any longer then they have to.
Many times people who do their own
returns too quickly end up missing valuable
deductions that make their refund smaller.
I'll make sure that doesn't happen to you!

Like me, you want every single cent you
loaned to Uncle Sam over the year, and
we'll make sure you get every penny as
quickly as possible.

Maximum Refund Guaranteed or It's Free
I'll search your return for hundres
of deductions in order to maximize
the dollar value of your tax return.
I guarantee you won't obtain a
bigger refund elsewhere or I'll refund
your money!

Get your MONEY in only 8 days
With our speedy refund processing
we can have your big return in your
checking account in as little a 8 days!
There's no faster way to get your money,
just make sure to bring your bank's
information with you.

FREE $27 SPECIAL DISCOUNT
All you have to do is bring this
article when you have me figure
out your refund and file
your taxes. This offer ends
February 28th 2009.

Bring the following with you.
I'd make bullet list of what they
need in this section.

Don't forget...
100% Maximum Refund Guarantee!
8 Days to get your MONEY!
FREE $27 DOLLAR DISCOUNT!

Hey! Why aren't you here already?
Oh! You need our address!
380 S. Melrose Road #300
Vista CA 92081
760-297-8001
Across the street from the
Vista Courthouse

++++++++++++++++++++++++

You asked! LOL :P

PS: I'm not a copy writer, so yeah...

[Bogart]

How about this 'call to action' title?

HURRY! File Your Taxes Now, Fastest Tax Refunds ...

[colmodwyer]

I know space is tight on a print ad, but I'd try and squeeze a "reason why" into the headline

WARNING: If You Have Not Filed Your Taxes, Read This Now Because [Benefit or Work the enemy, other CPA's are bastards! etc]...

Also for me, the second paragraph should come first - at least the part about biggest and fastest refunds - again just to give a "reason why" then work in all the other stuff.

Colm

[FreelanceSally]

Overall its good, but it looks a bit unorganized. Make a clear distinction for each section. Think about adding giving each section its own column and making the sub headers a size larger.

[HallOfWords]

I'm going to help you out and save you the money your going to spend on the ad you have. I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner. I worked for 10 years selling ads for a newspaper as well as writing the copy and designing print ads.

The one you're proposing is simply going to be a waste of money. It will not get you any traffic.

Why? Because first of all there is just too much to read. The only ads I've seen work with this much text is one that sounds and looks like a news story, this does neither.

What you need is a display ad that looks like a display ad. It must grab their attention by showing right off the bat what's in it for them. If they've already filed their taxes what you've written is not going to get their attention so this is wasted copy.

The other problem is people just do not read, they scan and though your ad is scannable the main points I see you are trying to make is you guarantee your going to get the most money back and you're going to give them a $27 discount if they file by Feb. 28th.

I've attached an ad in PDF format that will work in a newspaper, penny saver or some similar type publication. The artwork is free of copywrite so you can use it and it will help to draw attention to your ad because it will be identified as a tax service ad. The size is up to you and this is certainly not going to be exactly right but it's close to a 3 column by 4 inch ad in a broadsheet newspaper.

I wish you much success.

[HallOfWords]

i forgot to mention one other thing and that is about the part that says "Just cut out this ad and bring it with you and you automatically receive $27.00 off our service." The problem here is people don't cut out ads and bring them in. McDonald's have run coupon ads for a free ice cream cone and the best results they have ever gotten is 1% return. Now for them 1% is okay because it's a national ad so they're drawing from millions of customers and giving them something free.

You may get one back if you're lucky. If you put in your ad "just mention this ad and receive a $27 discount" you may get some response and you will still be able to track your ad. To track your ad you simply need to have your people do a little investigating by asking a question like "where did you see the ad". They may or may not remember, but I would give them the discount anyway.

[David.Beckman]

Originally Posted by TimSchaefer

I'd tweak the headline to:

WARNING! Read This Before Filing Your Tax Return...

Then I'd move the second paragraph to come right before the "Maximum Refund Guaranteed" subhead. Let them get to the part about them ("Why does this matter to you") first.

Also, I'd lose the last lines leading up to that part. ("So that’s what we do. If you want your money back as soon as possible then Walkerton Tax Services is the right place for you!")

And, right at the beginning of paragraph four, I'd introduce the "I" the reader is hearing from.

Example:

"My name is Korey Walkerton of Walkerton Tax Services. I hear from regular folks just like you..."

Finally, instead of a "call if you have any questions" statement, make it a "stop by or call XXX-XXX-XXXX today to set up an appointment" call to action. (And make sure they can see that number. Make it a few sizes bigger if you have to.)

Tim

Tim has definately done it here, I would just add that proof in numbers would be a great addition - show how you have beat a competing companies numbers and gotten HUGE returns for your customers - also a big guarentee here will do wonders, make an offer they cant refuse