Feed back on page copy

[Rus Sells]

Hey every one, my field of expertise is in insurance restoration. We recently had a severe storm with Softball sized hail where I live. I'm running an add in the local newspapers and driving readers to my web site for a special report.

I've just about finished the page and just uploaded it to my site to make easier for your viewing.

Please let me know what you think, I tried to incorporate a story of my one and hooks to keep them reading.

Here's the url

Restore My Home Construction Gallery of Completed Jobs

The page has some formatting issues still which I need to fix but it won't be public until next week.

Thank in advance warriors!

Russ

[Loren Woirhaye]

put your free report offer "above-the-fold".

If you are going to announce yourself as a personality
like you've done, put your picture on the site. Smile.

The offer is the thing. Make sure the offer promises
money-saving benefits in the must-have report. People
will crawl over glass to save money.

[Rus Sells]

Loren,

Thanks for the reply! The offer will be in the top fold once the local news paper add runs next week.

Did you read the copy? I'm not sure why you'd be telling to make sure the offer promises money saving benefits. A major section of the copy is about getting every single penny the insurance company owes them for the soft-ball sized hail that just obliterated their nice homes 48 hours ago!

Usually people do not want to save the insurance company's ANY money! LOL

The free gift, ( I've yet to decide what to call it ) is going to be a huge list of a myriad of things they need to worry about if they decide to deal with their insurance company on their own. The psychological ploy is to get them to see that and say, OMG! Honey lets just call these guys and have them handle everything!

But what I'm most interested in was how the copy reads. Did I do well with the hooks to get them to keep reading etc. etc.

[Rob Canyon]

Rus,

Offline advertising to get people to a website to get them to then call you on the phone... Sounds a little prolonged...

A static page that says you do a,b,c,d,e,& f and here are all the testimonials and when you call our office we guarantee to visit your location within 24 hours to give you an honest estimate or we'll pay you $50 for your trouble...

Your need to sell against the negative impression clients have of your competitors... And most don't have testimonials... p.s. you need many more... eliminate the dates the testimonials were received and put some sort of moniker that relates to having served multiple clients in multiple locations within the area you're looking to serve.

Just a couple of ideas...

Cheers,

Rob

[Rus Sells]

Rob,

It sounds prolonged but you don't understand the situation. Tornadoes and soft-ball sized hail has basically PULVERIZED a whole county. It's at the forefront of every ones minds, and will be for a few months. These prospects will take extra steps if the think they can get something of value.

This storm is only 48 hours old and we've had 15 people fill in the form on our website just from seeing our web address on the trucks in the field. That's around 250k potential business.

Thanks for the suggestions on the testimonials!

Not sure what you mean by selling against the negative impressions clients have of my competitors. We don't do that at all. We educate our prospects that they either sign up the first time or, they remember what we've taught them. They usually end up asking a visiting competitor about something we taught them and a lot of times the competitor sells his own negativity by his stupid uneducated response.

What I was really looking for was feed back on the copy!!!!! It's my first attempt at using certain triggers and hooks combined with a story of my own. That's the opinions, suggestions and critique's I'm looking for!

Thanks!

[rlhenryjr]

My 2cents.

I would like to see the optin form at the bottom (Twice in your salesletter) of the page also,
to signup for your free reports..
I like it.