Using an organizing metaphor in sales copy

[marciayudkin]

Here's a technique I haven't seen discussed here - using an overall metaphor or theme repeatedly within a promotion.

The trick is not to overdo it or force it to the point that it turns into lousy or tiresome punning.

I used this technique in the descriptive copy on Amazon for my new Kindle ebook, Bullets With Bite (which happens to be free today).

Please take a look and let me know what you think. Cute or cloying?

Amazon.com: Bullets With Bite: Learn to Create...
Marcia Yudkin

[Rezbi]

Marcia,

I could be wrong, but I'm not sure about the metaphors in the first two lines. I like the second two.

But, that's just my opinion.

[gjabiz]

It did whet my appetite and I did consume your book.

Good job, my fav is the 76 ways to add oomph, and for what it is worth, I think almost every part could make a nice little hotsheet or checklist which you could use as freebies or giveaways.

Also, the use of juxtaposition, been dying to use it somewhere, but can't figure out how, glad you did.

To the readers of the forum, this is a savory read and you will gain some great ideas on how to write bullets to get your copy cooking and allow you to serve up a hunger satisfying promotion to that starving crowd you have found.

Good job Marcia, thanks for sharing this with us.

gjabiz

Originally Posted by marciayudkin

Here's a technique I haven't seen discussed here - using an overall metaphor or theme repeatedly within a promotion.

The trick is not to overdo it or force it to the point that it turns into lousy or tiresome punning.

I used this technique in the descriptive copy on Amazon for my new Kindle ebook, Bullets With Bite (which happens to be free today).

Please take a look and let me know what you think. Cute or cloying?

Amazon.com: Bullets With Bite: Learn to Create Mouthwatering Word Nuggets eBook: Marcia Yudkin: Kindle Store

Marcia Yudkin

[marciayudkin]

To the readers of the forum, this is a savory read and you will gain some great ideas on how to write bullets to get your copy cooking and allow you to serve up a hunger satisfying promotion to that starving crowd you have found.

Thanks, Gordon. Good job there, yourself!

Marcia Yudkin

[Rezbi]

Originally Posted by gjabiz

It did whet my appetite and I did consume your book.

Good job, my fav is the 76 ways to add oomph, and for what it is worth, I think almost every part could make a nice little hotsheet or checklist which you could use as freebies or giveaways.

Also, the use of juxtaposition, been dying to use it somewhere, but can't figure out how, glad you did.

To the readers of the forum, this is a savory read and you will gain some great ideas on how to write bullets to get your copy cooking and allow you to serve up a hunger satisfying promotion to that starving crowd you have found.

Good job Marcia, thanks for sharing this with us.

gjabiz

Just in case you think I'm referring to her book (not you specifically, GJ), I've seen Marcia's work and I know it's quality. I haven't seen the book, but I assume it's very likely of the usual high standard.

I was just referring to the two lines in the description on amazon.

Having said that, I did say it was just my opinion and not necessarily the right one.

To be honest, I wanted to ask her for a review copy, as she hasn't got it up for sale.

That would give me a chance to, not only give a testimonial but - selfishly - I would benefit from her knowledge.

[marciayudkin]

To be honest, I wanted to ask her for a review copy, as she hasn't got it up for sale.

Rezbi, you do not need a review copy as it is free on Amazon Kindle today. At least it is in the US Amazon store. You don't need a Kindle to read it. You can read it in your browser using Amazon's "Cloud Reader."

Marcia Yudkin

[Rezbi]

Thanks, Marcia. I don't use kindle so I know nothing about it.

I'll go read it.

[LauraKryza]

Hi Marcia, I'm also familiar with your work so this isn't in reference to the quality of the book - but the metaphor falls a little flat for me.

When I bring any creativity into copywriting there's always one point of focus that should stay in mind: relevancy. Take Bencivenga Bullets (Gary Bencivenga's e-letter). He's using a metaphor, yes, but it's highly pertinent to the topic. You have actual bullets in copy, you need to create "targeted" concepts, you have to "aim" for the right audience, etc. All of these are meaningful in both the literal and figurative sense.

I feel like you got halfway there - the name of the book is a good starting point, so you're working with "bite." But what does a food metaphor actually have to do with copy? If you could've linked it further to what utilizing your bullets would do for the student, for example: "Put some bite in your work to put food on the table!" it would've moved into benefit territory rather than focusing on the features.

Just some thoughts to consider...

[marciayudkin]

But what does a food metaphor actually have to do with copy? If you could've linked it further to what utilizing your bullets would do for the student, for example: "Put some bite in your work to put food on the table!"

What does a food metaphor have to do with copy? You need to get the reader to consume it - and it's nice if they enjoy doing so.

This is my main concern - not copywriting as a way of getting food on the table.

So I may have fallen flat with you. For my intended audience it's a relevant concept.

And on the whole, I don't agree that a metaphor needs to have obvious relevance. It needs to be understandable, pleasing and it needs to "click" - which happens on a subconscious level.

Thanks very much for bring up this point. I might tinker with the copy so the audience is clearer.

Marcia Yudkin

[LauraKryza]

Originally Posted by marciayudkin

What does a food metaphor have to do with copy? You need to get the reader to consume it - and it's nice if they enjoy doing so.

I agree on that point entirely - and having you explain it here made it clearer than the copy I saw on Amazon. Whether or not we're on the same page regarding a metaphor's relevance to the topic at hand, at first it felt like food was just the metaphor you "happened" to use, where this makes me get in the right mindset immediately. Even more pertinent since people tend to say they "devoured" a book or story.

Best wishes on any rewrites, and glad that I didn't come across as nitpicky.