Can you please look at these 2 pages and tell me how I can improve ?

Emailrevealer · 03-07-2009, 07:00 PM

Online Infidelity Investigations, Personal Ad Investigation

Dating Service (Infidelity) Investigation, Online Infidelity Investigations, Personal Ad Investigation

John M Kane · 03-07-2009, 08:03 PM

You might find some useful information at web pages that suck
NO Aff
Web Pages That Suck learn good web design by looking at bad web design Home Page
I have two of their books and found them fun and useful.
Not necessarily great copy geniuses.

John_S · 03-07-2009, 09:11 PM

The layout rivets attention -- the copy does not.

So ...are you selling layouts?

If not, I suggest you reverse the situation. Make the layout support well written copy.

Check out this example. Exactly the opposite of your site.

travlinguy · 03-07-2009, 09:16 PM

Any time I see someone saying studies or statistics show this or that without naming the study, or the source of the statistic, I suspect that there isn't really any data available or that the copywriter made it up. You'd go a long way in the credibility department if you could actually reference the study. Good luck!

cncbuss · 03-07-2009, 09:25 PM

I would definitely add a Photo to the Header. I'd look up Ted Nicholas' 87 marketing secrets of the written word which you can Google and get for free. He might have some tips which you could apply here.

Hope it helps...

Cbuss

Loren Woirhaye · 03-07-2009, 10:02 PM

Your copy is dry as a bone. It does not agitate. The writing and
layout is clinical, like an industrial supply catalog. This actually
reminds me of a university course catalog layout and approach.

You could, with really effective copy, charge a lot more for your
services too. Right now you have them positioned as a commodity
purely from the way you are presenting them. Not where
you want to be.

Warrior Jason Moffat used to be a P.I. - I dunno what he has
as far as a website. I'm sure you could track down some
material a hella lot more exciting than what you've got here.

03-07-2009, 07:00 PM	#1
Emailrevealer Opperman Investigations Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Las Vegas, Denver, NYC Posts: 797 Blog Entries: 13 Thanks: 19 Thanked 24 Times in 20 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Can you please look at these 2 pages and tell me how I can improve ? Online Infidelity Investigations, Personal Ad Investigation Dating Service (Infidelity) Investigation, Online Infidelity Investigations, Personal Ad Investigation
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03-07-2009, 08:03 PM	#2
John M Kane HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: In a Van Down by the River Posts: 456 Thanks: 44 Thanked 69 Times in 55 Posts Social Networking	Re: Can you please look at these 2 pages and tell me how I can improve ? You might find some useful information at web pages that suck NO Aff Web Pages That Suck learn good web design by looking at bad web design Home Page I have two of their books and found them fun and useful. Not necessarily great copy geniuses.

03-07-2009, 09:11 PM	#3
John_S Advanced Warrior Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: , , . Posts: 858 Thanks: 22 Thanked 384 Times in 231 Posts	Re: Can you please look at these 2 pages and tell me how I can improve ? The layout rivets attention -- the copy does not. So ...are you selling layouts? If not, I suggest you reverse the situation. Make the layout support well written copy. Check out this example. Exactly the opposite of your site.

03-07-2009, 09:16 PM	#4
travlinguy Senior Warrior Member War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Northern Hemisphere, for now. Posts: 2,442 Thanks: 980 Thanked 1,234 Times in 738 Posts Contact Info	Re: Can you please look at these 2 pages and tell me how I can improve ? Any time I see someone saying studies or statistics show this or that without naming the study, or the source of the statistic, I suspect that there isn't really any data available or that the copywriter made it up. You'd go a long way in the credibility department if you could actually reference the study. Good luck!
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03-07-2009, 09:25 PM	#5
cncbuss Active Warrior Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Just west of Montreal Posts: 44 Thanks: 2 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Can you please look at these 2 pages and tell me how I can improve ? I would definitely add a Photo to the Header. I'd look up Ted Nicholas' 87 marketing secrets of the written word which you can Google and get for free. He might have some tips which you could apply here. Hope it helps... Cbuss

03-07-2009, 10:02 PM	#6
Loren Woirhaye Who'm I kidding? War Room Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Easthampton, Massachusetts Posts: 4,542 Blog Entries: 15 Thanks: 117 Thanked 904 Times in 651 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Can you please look at these 2 pages and tell me how I can improve ? Your copy is dry as a bone. It does not agitate. The writing and layout is clinical, like an industrial supply catalog. This actually reminds me of a university course catalog layout and approach. You could, with really effective copy, charge a lot more for your services too. Right now you have them positioned as a commodity purely from the way you are presenting them. Not where you want to be. Warrior Jason Moffat used to be a P.I. - I dunno what he has as far as a website. I'm sure you could track down some material a hella lot more exciting than what you've got here.
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