Check this salesletter

[Joseph Then]

My sales seems to drop recently for this URL:
http://www.biodieselathome.biz

The main change that I did was to increase the price by $10.

Anyway to improve the sales by changing the salesletter?

[Kyle Tully]

Originally Posted by Joseph Then

My sales seems to drop recently for this URL:
Homemade Biodiesel Fuel

The main change that I did was to increase the price by $10.

Anyway to improve the sales by changing the salesletter?

Drop the price by $10.

[MaskedMarketer]

Originally Posted by Kyle Tully

Drop the price by $10.

Thats an obvious answer which I dont think he was looking for...

Maybe he can justify the price better before he mentions the price of 47$.. You can tell the prospect Exactly how much they will save over the course of each week/ month/ year on gas which can justify the 47$ INVESTMENT better... If a testimonial says they save 2k a year on gas, then the investment should repay it self back in less than 2 weeks and you'll have the life time knowledge to use as well..

[Kyle Tully]

Originally Posted by MaskedMarketer

Thats an obvious answer which I dont think he was looking for...

Actually it was an obvious joke that you didn't get

[MaskedMarketer]

Originally Posted by Kyle Tully

Actually it was an obvious joke that you didn't get

He wasn't asking for jokers, just constructive criticism

[Joseph Then]

Don't worry. I see that as a joke.

Maybe I should justify a little bit more. I wanted to create a step-by-step video, maybe it will work better?

[Zach Booker]

Sales letter is pretty good actually.
I was most impressed by the website itself though lol.
Very nice look.
price doens't seem too high either
Good work

[MaskedMarketer]

Originally Posted by Joseph Then

Don't worry. I see that as a joke.

Maybe I should justify a little bit more. I wanted to create a step-by-step video, maybe it will work better?

Justify the price.. create a step by step video.. you can also give a shorter version of your product for free- in exchange for the email address.. then set up an autoresponder series..

[Eric Lorence]

It may add some credibility, no offense, but personally I would be much more inclined to buy a product if the person selling seems to be an authority on the subject.

Maybe quote some authoritative research, news stories, ect.

As a prospective buyer, the first thing seen will be the headline, then your picture.
You have an honest face, but not one of authority.

Who is Joseph Then, and why should I trust you?

Can you explain the credentials or research you have done?

Again, no offense, just an objective viewpoint.

Best of luck!

[AndrewCavanagh]

Test dumping this roadblock in your copy:


From the desk: Joseph Then
Date: Tuesday, 9:34 AM

Dear Exhausted Car Owner,

My name is Joseph Then, author of the special report titled "How to Make Your Own Biodiesel At Home" and I am going to reveal some of the most shocking facts about the current Diesel industry.

Please read on ...


Just start with the next line...

It's no secret, you've read the news and you've felt it's impact - fuel prices are on the rise, and diesel price might have already broken the $5 mark by the time you read this message.



Also I'd be pushing the "secrets to making your own biodeisel angle.

The story of you being fed up about the price of deisel and how you researched and discovered the secrets to making your own.

That would be far more interesting and compelling (and it would only require changing 2 or 3 paragraphs).

Kindest regards,
Andrew Cavanagh

[travlinguy]

As marketers I think we all tend to assume that everyone out there knows as much about our products as we do. I'm only vaguely familiar with biodiesel. You throw the word around a lot without ever explaining what it is and why it's a good thing. I was half way through your copy when I felt the need to do a search to find out exactly what biodesiel is. Maybe you'd like to incorporate a brief description of biodesiel and why it's a good think...

[andrethomas]

I would use the increase in $10 as an advantage.

You can announce, rather prominently, that price has increased by $10 due to "the limited quantity" or "you don't want everyone to have this".

Plus, you can use it as a powerful call to action such as, "Don't kick yourself when the next time you arrive here the price has risen by another $20."

I think you should split test them.

[Paul_Short]

A $47 Investment that will Save You $1000's At The Pumps!

Something like that will justify the price nicely ;-)

Paul

[MaskedMarketer]

Originally Posted by Paul_Short

A $47 Investment that will Save You $1000's At The Pumps!

Something like that will justify the price nicely ;-)

Paul

Thats okay, but I don't see that one line making a drastic difference in his sales. He might have to re-work his copy to get desired results...

[Joseph Then]

Thanks for your help, I've made the changes and see how's the results.

[Paul Hooper-Kelly]

Hi Joseph,

There are two iron laws of copy writing that apply here:

* The more you tell the more you sell.

* Sales resistance rises in direct proportion to the price.

If you keep increasing the price by $10 - there comes a point when your sales letter needs to be stronger.

Because, although you might be able to sell it at $27 - because people might be prepared to take a chance - $47 is a bit too much to take a chance on, unless you answer every single objection they MIGHT have.

And, because you can't conduct a two way conversation, you have to cover every single possible objection, which is why long copy sells better than short copy: because you cover everything. And this is particularly so when you are targeting a market which - by definition - is already feeling the economic pinch. So you need to really raise your game.

The first point is the rather neat saving of 33% claimed in your headline. This would be far more believable if it was a less round figure, for example 32.74%

Even so, it's a pretty bold claim, which you must immediately justify by providing your proof. Ideally, this can be a screen shot of an article from New Scientist or other respected source. Place it RIGHT UNDER your deck copy ("The Ultimate Solution To Beating .....")

That way the conversation in the readers head goes like this: "Saving 32.74%? Yer...right! I don't believe that". Then they see your absolute proof and think, "Well, maybe this is worth a closer look" and they'll suspend judgement and start to read your letter.

You should put a salutation such as "Dear fellow frustrated motorist" Then you need to open the letter by saying that - like them - you are fed up with the constantly rising price of fuel. Both these are in the first stage in good street-smart salesmanship. Because you must first build TRUST by selling yourself to the prospect and making them realize you're just like them. You need to do that before you even think of selling the product.

Why is that?

Because you are effectively asking the prospect to trust you and your claims. And they aren't going to risk sending $47 to a guy they've never met, unless you answer every single unspoken objection they may possibly have.

You see, in reality, you don't just have to make one sale with your letter. You have to make about EIGHT. And the first sale is you and your trustworthiness.

So, you now need to move on to the "credibility sale" by building on the fact you are a fellow trusted motorist, and you have a common bond in the annoyance you BOTH share about the price of fuel. You do this by explaining how you stumbled upon the answer to both yours and his problem, which you are now going to share with him.

That shifts your persona away from a "salesman" and into a less threatening position of just two buddies, sitting in a bar together, and you excitedly telling him about this amazing discovery you've just made.

As I said, there are about eight of those mini-sales... or call them barriers or gateways... you need to deal with before you can ask for the order,

And just as important as the other sales is the "price sale". But, if you've done your job diligently with the rest of the mini-sales this won't hold any fears for you. So let me tell you a story about minimizing...

Back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, I sold industrial chemicals face to face. And, when I got to the crucial point where I needed that magic "Yes, I'll have some", I would stop talking and just look around the warehouse or plant, where we were standing. After a while, the curiosity got the better of the buyer and they would ask what I was doing.

I would explain that our tankers were pretty large, as they carried 5,000 gallons, and I was checking we could get it in okay. At that point the buyer would scream "5,000 gallons? I don't want that much. Haven't you got anything smaller?". (You'll notice, it's moved right past the crucial "Yes, I'll have some" stage and we're now merely discussing the size of what he is ordering).

Cut a long story short and I'd usually come away with an order for a 45 gallon drum, which was actually the largest size we sold.

But - and here's the important point - had I started off suggesting they took a 45 gallon drum, I would have probably ended up selling 5 gallons, which was the company's average order size.

And, if I had started off trying to sell a 5 gallon drum, the buyer would have probably wanted a pint. (If you're metric, a pint is about 1/40th of five gallons).

So you need to turn your price around and come down from, say, $97 (the 5,000 gallon tanker). But first, you need to justify the $97 by going back to your original (and now proven) claim of a 32.74% saving. And use that to illustrate just how much your product will save your prospect in hard cash. So, if they are spending $1,000 on fuel, right now, they'll save £324 - far in excess of what your package costs.

Then, when you've proved beyond all doubt they'd be an idiot not to go for it at $97, you bring in the clincher - the limited number of copies you're releasing at just $47.

Incidentally that also turns your current persona from "Mr Nasty" (cuz you're putting the Price UP by ten bucks) and into "Mr Nice" guy (because you're giving them 50 bucks off the regular price). Also by making this $47 deal a limited number you've built in a "call to action" which you can come back to in your post scripts.

Of course the major objection you really need to overcome here is that people are lazy.

So, because this obviously requires some "grunt" work on their part, this is the hardest sale you need to make. So use every trick in the pack to show how simple, clean and easy this is.

You could also use the "common enemy" approach here and mention the fun they'll have... the little guy raising two fingers to the big oil giants and the government.

Warmest regards,

Paul

[lakshaybehl]

Increase the font size of the headline... wasn't bog enough to demand attnetion.

And my dear frind... WHERE'S THE STORY?

You need to have a story and a spin to any thing that you are selling online that acts a as a hook to keep people engaged.

-Lakshay

[Joseph Then]

Hey guys, thanks for the feedback, esp. to Paul, you're the man!

I've made the changes as suggested by you guys.

How is it?

Homemade Biodiesel Fuel

I have to add that proof of 33.73% but give me a bit of time...

But is the current salesletter better now?