Landing Page Copy Critique

[JimMichael]

I've looked at the sticky checklist...before people dogpile onto me!

This landing page converts welll, but there is always room for improvement:

Book Marketing - Press Release Service | Press Release Sites | Piece of Cake PR

Let er' rip - folks...

[DavidG]

I think you should lead off with - "Have you ever flicked through..." because it starts building the case for why press releases are important.

Then show why you're different and the benefits you provide...

Then show some testimonials that provide some results people got because of you...

Keep thinking of what your prospects may think of as they are reading your setences and whenever it feels like your BS'ing too much.. expand and explain or show a testimonial to defuse BS meters.

Hope that helps...

.02

[CharismaticMannequin]

Jim,


I'd throw a benefit-driven headline in there. Something that makes your prospect's ears perk up.

"Get your book into the Spotlight! Learn how one PR can rocket your book (and your name!) into fame and fortune in just 24 hours..."

That might be a bit hypey - I don't know your market too well, but something like this that stresses the benefits of PR. Remember: 80% of your copy is your headline. Fail to inspire people to read further through the use of your headline, and you lose a biiiig chunk of your prospects.


Also, as for benefits, why not try throwing in a list of bullets overtly stressing them? A lot of people simply scan the copy, so it'd be beneficial for you (and for your sales) to have a simple bullet-point list of things your prospects will receive by using your service.


Best of luck!

[ewenmack]

Hi Jim,

When people come to this page, do they know the benefits and advantages of a press release, or do they already know and want to find out if you are the best choice?

Two different mindsets and therefore what you put on the page has to
match one of those 2 visitor intents.

The design layout needs change to match the eye path.

If you are getting paid traffic from Google,
there needs to be some add-on's to meet their
criteria too.

Do away with green in your headline and make the first word red and the rest in black.

The headline is very weak, therefore needs muscling up.

Any images need a caption underneath.
Have the first button spread wider and centre of the page.

Those are a few things at first glance,
if I spent more time I'd be able to optimize the page more.

Best,
Ewen

[ErnestQ]

Hi Jim!

Your title, you can definitely improve it, IMHO it lacks the 'Punch' factor. Just tweaking the font (size, color, position) will do.

I would also make sure that the scroll bar at the bottom actually leads to a "Press"or "News" page. And take a look at the BBC logo, it looks stretched horizontally.

You might not realize, but those little details matter.

I wish you success with your Press Release product,

ErnestQ

[davemiz]

the copy man.... it needs a fresh start.

you're trying to get my attention, I am in your target market, but it's not working.... i don't even notice you, nor do i care whats on that page.

you're in the elevator with me.... you have 5 seconds to grab my attention.

whats the 1 thing you tell me?

And why should I give a F*ck about this?

Why is it in my best interest?

answer those... and you'll have something to work with.

[JimMichael]

Thanks for the awesome suggestions, guys.

We're currently converting around $10k of revenue each month from this landing page alone - but we're perfectionists so there is always room to improve!

We'll get someone on the case to freshen it up and kick-start a new split test.

Thanks again.