I could sure use some fresh eyes...

[Jeremey]

Hey everyone...

Not really sure where to post this, but it would really be fantastic if a few of you wouldn't mind looking at my new website with a critical eye and giving me any advice from those of you more experienced out there.

This is my first content/copywriting site, and though I've been designing sites for about 10 years, I know there's usually a very different set of rules for copywriter sites...Many great sites I've seen here in this forum are simple, clean, usable, and typically have a sales letter on the home page. I designed from my own strength on this one, and if the overall fit and function of the page is something that's going to distract potential clients, then please let me know.

Mainly I'm concerned that the design works from a freelance writer's perspective, are there any glaring flaws in the content & copy of the site itself, and is there anything missing (besides samples) that really needs to be there.

The samples I think I'll deal with through correspondence upon request, and hope that the 4,000 or so words on the site itself can act as a testimony as well (at least until I get more samples to make available).

And the rates are just there as placeholders, so they aren't what I'd be actually charging for my services.

Thanks so much. I've been working on the site over a week now and I've had nowhere to go for feedback.

The site is www.jeremeyhunsicker.com

[TheSalesBooster]

Get a headline, get some benefits, and get some damn color!

The site looks boring.

Your pitch is boring.

Your text is boring.

You only get one shot to impress you customer. Don't give them any reason to hit the back button.

Use bold lettering for important information. Use sub headlines to catch their attention. When I saw your block of text I didn't even want to read it.

Also I'm not a fan of your site design. Something about the dark look with all these huge colorful ads on the right hand side just messes with my attention span. You could probably fix this by making your pitch more inviting and interesting to read or take all that crap on the right hand side off or make it smaller.

[Alex Cohen]

On the positive side Jeremy, you've identified a hungry market. There are many online marketers who'd like to have websites that 1) rank well for SEO and 2) convert readers to buyers.

On the negative side, it's doubtful that you can deliver on your promise. SEO and persuasion are like oil and water... they don't mix very well.

Alex

[TheSalesBooster]

Originally Posted by Alex Cohen

On the positive side Jeremy, you've identified a hungry market. There are many online marketers who'd like to have websites that 1) rank well for SEO and 2) convert readers to buyers.

On the negative side, it's doubtful that you can deliver on your promise. SEO and persuasion are like oil and water... they don't mix very well.

Alex

Good point Alex.

People who are looking content writing services aren't easily sold. They've heard all the claims before... So what makes your service better than what's already out there? Price alone won't do anything for you.

So in this situation not only is it important to get your benefits across, but you also need some kind of proof to get people really interested in what you have to offer.

I know that's pretty tough because you're selling content, but if you could find some proof, it would make you stand out in a crowd full of hundreds if not thousands of other content creators.

[Steve The Copywriter]

...yes you need "proof" that you'll do and have already done what you claim to do.

Get lots of testimonials showing the results you've achieved.

If you've worked for larger corporations it would be good to use their logos for added credibility.

The copy is saying the right things but in the wrong way. You're not using enough power words and you have too many generic monotonous words.

You need to improve the subheads.

Superior SEO Content - how superior?

SEO That Converts - by how much?

Copy Is For Closers - could be changed to - Copy That Sells - Here's How I Make Sure It Does.

And why not use powered up bullets in the body copy to get the key points across.

Hope this helps.


Steve


P.S. Change the font with your name because the one you've got looks amateurish. Your top graphic doesn't work well, it's old fashioned. And immediately creates the wrong image in the ultra high tech, blistering fast, ever changing, absolutely must be up to date internet universe.

You may suggest you're trying to say "traditional values in a modern world" But it still gives the impression that you're years behind. You don't want that.

And it doesn't blend with the brighter graphics on the right hand side of the page. Ironically, they should be "toned" down a touch, they're "shouting and screaming" a bit too much and are bordering on being hypey. Make them cool, calm and collected with the right level of impact.

[Don Schenk]

Jeremey, I am coming at this from the viewpoint of a business owner.

I've been told Jeremey Hunsicker is a good writer, so I go to his site. This is what it looks like when it comes up on my screen...

http://www.donschenk.com/Jeremey.pdf

Above the fold I see a large drawing of three men running some kind of machine. (I know it is an ancient printing press.) Pretend I own a local restaurant. I look at that machine and wonder WTF is that thing? What does it have to do with a restraurant? What does it have to do with my website?

Then I scroll down a bit, and I see information about something called SEO. Again what is SEO? I need help with copywriting and/or getting more eyes to look at my website. I am a local business owner. I know nothing about how websites work.

As a potential client is left wondering what SEO is while I click away from your site.

What is in it for me? What outstanding benefits will I receive by reading your site, and by contacting you? How are you better than others? Why should I buy from you? Why should I even pay attention to your website?

These are the questions going through a business owner's mind.

If you are writing for IMers who are trying to make money online, they are an entirely different species than brick and mortar business owners. It is not clear who your audience is.

I've owned several local businesses over the years, so I am looking at your site from the viewpoint of the business owner. These folks will be looking at your site with a critical eye. The only things they what to know is what is in it for them, and why should they hire you.

:-Don

[Jeremey]

Thanks for all the quick responses!

Will go through these more thoroughly after I drop the kids off at school.

I do want to ask, are the comments here mainly about the home page text, or is the text for the entire site (the services, the blog etc) badly written as well?

These are all great suggestions...Thanks for the input!

[Jeremey]

Originally Posted by Alex Cohen

On the positive side Jeremy, you've identified a hungry market. There are many online marketers who'd like to have websites that 1) rank well for SEO and 2) convert readers to buyers.

On the negative side, it's doubtful that you can deliver on your promise. SEO and persuasion are like oil and water... they don't mix very well.

Alex

Thanks so much Alex.

I'm not sure I understand though. Are you getting the impression that I'm selling copywriting services that will magically work as an SEO tool, or that SEO optimized copy is good for SEO, and that's what I'm offering. If it's the former, I really fumbled that ball, LOL.

I do believe that well optimized copy (properly formatted, strategic and judicial use of keywords, bullet points & lists, and well written content) is not only possible, but essential.

I'm just not sure I understand if my site copy sounds like I'm selling some magical service that will boost SERP results, or just advertising that my copy is well tuned for good search engine optimization (which I thought online copy should be as a rule)?

[Don Schenk]

Jeremey, of course you write well.

I put on my "local business owner" hat, and approached the site from that viewpoint.

Sorry if I sounded harsh. I have a tendency to be too blunt at times.

:-Don

[Jeremey]

Originally Posted by Don Schenk

Jeremey, of course you write well.

I put on my "local business owner" hat, and approached the site from that viewpoint.

Sorry if I sounded harsh. I have a tendency to be too blunt at times.

:-Don

Thanks Don, and yours is the exact sort of advice I'm looking for. Your perspective as a member of my target market is extremely useful.

In light of the advice I'm seeing this morning, the home page copy is not going to get the job done - this is why I came here...if I can't get people past the first page I'll wind up homeless

I was just wondering if the criticism being offered here is just for the home page or if the rest of the copy (the services sales pages and the blog posts) are in need of an overhaul as well.

Thanks for your advice and I agree with your assessments!

[TheSalesBooster]

Listen.. Nobody is going to go fishing through your site looking to fill the information gap you leave them from the home page. The fastest way they fill that gap is to hit the back button and try some place else.

Everything of importance should be on your home page (or where ever your sending your customers too). Don't make them go hunt for information, because they won't.

[Jeremey]

Originally Posted by TheSalesBooster

Listen.. Nobody is going to go fishing through your site looking to fill the information gap you leave them from the home page. The fastest way they fill that gap is to hit the back button and try some place else.

Everything of importance should be on your home page (or where ever your sending your customers too). Don't make them go hunt for information, because they won't.

Very true, Sales Booster, and thanks for the advice. I think some of my problems lie in my initial excitement to start talking about the different services I was providing (content, copy, WordPress design), and ended up neglecting the home page that was going to make or break the site.

It's definitely the most important page on the site, and in hindsight should have probably been written last, once I've fleshed out all the benefits of the services I'm providing.

A lot of the sales content I am seeing on copywriting sites is pretty much in the form of a sales letter on the home page, and I'm wondering if I should format my home page pitch in that format. My initial hesitation was that I didn't want people to go to my site and see "Oh, there's a 1,000 word sales pitch, NEXT." Obviously though, that's what gets the job done.

[Jeremey]

Originally Posted by Steve The Copywriter

...yes you need "proof" that you'll do and have already done what you claim to do.

Get lots of testimonials showing the results you've achieved.

Thanks Steve - what I need right now are testimonials, LOL. I've written for myself and spent 13 years as a successful business to business salesman, but I'm just getting started in online content and copywriting. I'm hoping to do a post shortly in the Warriors For Hire forum for content writing, selling my English degree, research ability, and reliability in exchange for some testimonials.

My hope is to use the website itself to build credibility as a writer (at least of content until I can get some success in writing copy with tangible results) as I continue to develop a satisfied clientele.

If you've worked for larger corporations it would be good to use their logos for added credibility.

Well, I've worked in sales for trucking companies. I don't know if I should put the trucking company logos on my site or even mention the carriers I've worked for, but short of scanning my sales awards and posting them on my site I'm not sure what else to do. I could use some metrics from my sales career (ie "increased sales by 65% over one year," etc) but I'd rather use my sales background to build a backstory for my writing rather than try to sell myself as a sales rep.

The copy is saying the right things but in the wrong way. You're not using enough power words and you have too many generic monotonous words.

Great tips, Steve - Do you think it would be best to reformat the entire home page as a sales letter? Or do you think with some proper headings, bullet points, etc I can punch up the copy with power words and keep the conversational tone?

You need to improve the subheads.

Superior SEO Content - how superior?

SEO That Converts - by how much?

Copy Is For Closers - could be changed to - Copy That Sells - Here's How I Make Sure It Does.

And why not use powered up bullets in the body copy to get the key points across.

Hope this helps.

Absolutely. As I go through my site, I can see in the later pages that I did a much better job of utilizing bullet points and selling in my writing than I did when I wrote my home page copy last week. As Sales Booster said, as it is it seems like a big boring block of copy - Which is exactly what I'm telling people not to do in my sales pitch.

P.S. Change the font with your name because the one you've got looks amateurish. Your top graphic doesn't work well, it's old fashioned. And immediately creates the wrong image in the ultra high tech, blistering fast, ever changing, absolutely must be up to date internet universe.

You may suggest you're trying to say "traditional values in a modern world" But it still gives the impression that you're years behind. You don't want that.

And it doesn't blend with the brighter graphics on the right hand side of the page. Ironically, they should be "toned" down a touch, they're "shouting and screaming" a bit too much and are bordering on being hypey. Make them cool, calm and collected with the right level of impact.

More great points - Thanks so much Steve. I'm a little fond of the title font, it's actually one of those "you gotta pay for them" type fonts, but it's very stylized...Not sure if I'd use "amateur" to describe it but I'm not sure if it fits the progressive nature of online marketing & copywriting.

And yes, the lithograph of the printing press must go! LOL!

Thanks again for some well reasoned points, Steve.

[Jeremey]

Originally Posted by Joe Ditzel

Jeremey, your may be over thinking. You've been in sales. Let's say you have an appointment with your ideal customer to sell $1 million worth of your service.

In simple terms: What do you have? What can it do for them? What do they do next?

(I'd also capture email addresses and start to build a list.)

Great insight Joe, I think you hit the nail on the head here. I'm going to sit back and really think about it from that perspective for a bit this morning.

I'm coming from a background where most of my writing was for live music promotions, concerts, artist bios, press releases, etc. That's a unique approach that doesn't work for 99% of the "real world" marketing.

EDIT: I see your post disappeared from the thread but your points are well taken.

[joe golfer]

I was trying to add some more of my crapola and I hit the wrong button.

Doh!

I was going to say on your main page your call to action is "check out some of many services I offer." I would rework the copy to sell my most profitable service and have a contact form right at the bottom. Sort of like this:

Cutting Edge Copy

Or link to your contact form like you do on the Wordpress turnkey page.

[Steve The Copywriter]

Hi Jeremy,

Re your comments on my comments -

I wouldn't use testimonials that don't refer to the services you are currently selling. Hopefully you get a lot of them soon.

You could test a sales letter style against your style - but (and I could be wrong) I think the search engines prefer your style.

Sorry about the signature font, I didn't realise it was custom made - (I still don't like it... lol).


Steve

[Jeremey]

Originally Posted by Joe Ditzel

I was trying to add some more of my crapola and I hit the wrong button.

Doh!

I was going to say on your main page your call to action is "check out some of many services I offer." I would rework the copy to sell my most profitable service and have a contact form right at the bottom. Sort of like this:

Cutting Edge Copy

Or link to your contact form like you do on the Wordpress turnkey page.

Thanks Joe!

Yeah, in the few hours I've been getting feedback it's really opened my eyes on a lot of the flaws here that just don't capture people's attention and don't generate action.

Your link is a fantastic example of someone who's had tremendous success in the industry and can sell that success to really motivate potential clients about their work.

While my goal is to market myself as a content provider and copywriter (and at some point focus on copywriting exclusively), I'm going to have to really come up with some dynamic reasons for people to take advantage of my copywriting services before I've had some legitimate and measurable successes.

[Jeremey]

Originally Posted by Steve The Copywriter

Hi Jeremy,

Re your comments on my comments -

I wouldn't use testimonials that don't refer to the services you are currently selling. Hopefully you get a lot of them soon.

You could test a sales letter style against your style - but (and I could be wrong) I think the search engines prefer your style.

Sorry about the signature font, I didn't realise it was custom made - (I still don't like it... lol).


Steve

Thanks Steve, I think I can rework the home page copy to utilize a lot of the advice I'm getting and still keep the format without going full-on sales letter. There's really little to salvage in that original copy block, so like Joe & Sales Booster have suggested, it's time to focus on selling the service right out of the gate.

Oh, and the ancient lithograph printing press is gone now, LOL, and I just may come around to your advice on that font If it doesn't mesh with the new approach it may have to go after all....

[Alex Cohen]

Originally Posted by Jeremey

Thanks so much Alex.

I'm not sure I understand though. Are you getting the impression that I'm selling copywriting services that will magically work as an SEO tool, or that SEO optimized copy is good for SEO, and that's what I'm offering. If it's the former, I really fumbled that ball, LOL.

Yes, the former.

Alex

[Jeremey]

Originally Posted by Alex Cohen

Yes, the former.

Alex

Whoops. That was not my intention at all. What I'm selling on my site is the fact that copy must also be well tuned and search engine friendly, and when I write, I have those concepts in mind. I didn't mean that I had a special formula to instill my copy with a magic bullet that would trick the system or anything.

Missed the mark on that one, LOL, back to the drawing board!

[Jeremey]

Thanks to everyone for the great advice, I've been overwhelmed today trying to sort things out and fine tune all of your great suggestions.

I think at this point I've made some significant adjustments to the appearance and tone of the site, and I just need to spend a few hours this afternoon rewriting the home page copy from the ground up.

This forum is amazing, and I've been writing all of this copy for hours every day for the past two weeks, totally in the dark as I had nowhere to go for advice as I put it together. Today's suggestions have given me much more focus, and I hope to turn something out soon for the site that get some sparks flying.

Thanks again!
www.jeremeyhunsicker.com (revised as of 16:34 EST)

[ThomasOMalley]

Jeremy,

You're definitely getting some good advice here from our resident copywriters.

I also highly recommend you review Dan Furman's book, Do the Web Write...an excellent book on writing your services website.

Best,

Thomas O'Malley

[Jeremey]

Originally Posted by ThomasOMalley

Jeremy,

You're definitely getting some good advice here from our resident copywriters.

I also highly recommend you review Dan Furman's book, Do the Web Write...an excellent book on writing your services website.

Best,

Thomas O'Malley

Absolutely, Thomas, and thanks for the recommendation. I'm checking it out on Amazon tonight.

[JabMonkey]

Well, I don't know if I'm late to the party or what (I saw the pdf Don provided and that looked horrid), but for me the site looks great as I'm seeing the home page right now. You look like an intelligent, in-the-know, kind of guy and the whole feel of it is both smokey and classy.

When I read the text, it tells me you got the goods! Don't need to see samples.

I don't expect a contact form at this point and glad there is none, and the natural next step is to see "SERVICES".

Going in there and I see convenient price and order buttons to the right. Perfect!

Unlikely I would order right away. I would want to contact you first.

It's very well put together imo....BUT!

Gripes:

1. You are trying too hard to sell me on your services page (SEO Content Writing). You already impressed me with the argument for using your services on your homepage and I saw you can write really well. The whole continued persuasion is irritating, especially the whole cardboard sign challenge. I might think you are a dickhead to deal with after reading that.

What I really want to know about on the services page is - duh - about the services!! Tell me more about WHAT I am ordering. Articles, yes, but get to the point. Too many "I"s in there. Too much bragging and it has the opposite affect you are seeking by making you start to seem insecure.

Now I'm insecure - about my decision to use your services. I got a guy who can write well who just might be a dickhead and also lack the focus to get the job done or get offended by a request for revisions...hmm...wonder if this guy is a angry stalker type when you cross him (I can see myself needing to change my phone number and email address possibly).

Also, quit trying to justify your cost. You're only charging roughly $8 per 300-word article. Do you spend time competing for gigs on Digital Point? Are you targeting people who normally pay only a penny a word?

Look, if someone thinks you are charging too much, it only means they can't afford you, which means you can't persuade them to pay your price, so why bother? You write good! Act like you're worth what you are charging by NOT trying to defend the price.

Don't talk about price at all....just tell me what you are going to do for me, tell me of any specialization you have, tell me about delivery time...will you do revisions if requested? Do you guarantee I won't have to edit your work?

An opening paragraph like you have on the SEO Content Writing page is good, but after that, get over yourself and get to me and get to the point.

[Jeremey]

That's great information, JB. Yeah, the capture that Don provided shows how incredibly bleak my future as a freelance writer could have been, had I not gotten such incredible feedback from so many talented people

I am glad the content on the home page pushed you to the next step!

Reading the content with your perspectives, it's clear you've made some great points.

I'll be reworking most of the copy today and implementing so much of the advice I've gotten here on the forum. I think formatting can really help the readability of the home page, and a content revision using some of your hints and the others I've gotten over the past day will be a huge help.

Thanks again!

[Steve The Copywriter]

Hi Jeremy,

It's great see see the improved site design.

All you've got to do now is tweak the copy as per all the suggestions.


Steve