Choose a headline and tell me why.

[Sarah Harvey]

Hi warriors,

Well to cut a long story short... I am just seeing what people like and comparing tests.

I would appreciate if you could take a minute of your time and just quickly look at the following titles for me. They are incomplete, but which one of them appeal to you as a headline in general. It won't necessarily be for the headline of a sales page. It would be geared towards being a sub-headline.

I just need to see what people think and please share your thoughts on why you chose that particular headline.

---------------------------

1)"I've never received a single complaint, but then again this is up for debate. Do you think...."

2)"We've all heard it before, but do you really understand..."

3)"This will be the most important letter you'll ever read. Discover..."

4)"You can own this low cost, quality alternative that does about the same thing as..."

5)"Take a few minutes; get a pen and paper and write this down..."

6)"Every once in a while something comes along that changes everything..."

7)"You likely hear about this everyday, but have you ever thought..."

8)"Most experts are not aware of this yet, but do you know..."

9)"People who succeed in life have one thing in common..."

10)"I have been keeping this secret to myself for about 4 years now..."

-----------------------------------

[Justin Mandel]

No one can give you an opinion without knowing the subject matter and the headline you are using.

[Sarah Harvey]

Well that's the point: There is no subject matter. If you had to see a sales page and the sub-headline started with those words, or you received an email with those starting words...which one would you choose.

It's really simple.

I could easily explain my own views:

1)This headline would make me curious because it's not a general hyped beginning, and it has a tone of negativity. It basically says the subject at hand is up for debate and as a human being I am always interested in finding how my own opinion would compare to others.

That is a typical example of what someone could say of headline one.

So anyone here interested in choosing a headline and just briefly explain why you think it would be a good beginning for a sub-headline.

[Tinkerbell]

Originally Posted by Sarah Harvey

6)"Every once in a while something comes along that changes everything..."

Sarah,

Depending on what the rest of the copy is "about", I would read more if I read this line because it is intriguing.

It doesn't say "what" came along, specifically, but it does tell what that something that came along "did". It changed everything.

I'd be hoping it changed things in a good way (like I said, it really depends on what the rest of the copy is about).

Just my two cents.

Tina

[MaskedMarketer]

How can we give a good response without seeing the rest of the copy and offer? Maybe you should show us your copy or give us a lot more details

[Sarah Harvey]

You should read my second post MaskedMarketer.

There is no copy and the headlines are not completed because there isn't any sales page or copy. I am simply testing human response of one sentence against another.

So which one of these is a good beginning?

Tinkerbell- thanks for the response. I agree with you there. It would imply that something was discovered that could be very important.

Anyone else?

[MaskedMarketer]

Originally Posted by Sarah Harvey

6)"Every once in a while something comes along that changes everything..."

9)"People who succeed in life have one thing in common..."

8)"Most experts are not aware of this yet, but do you know..."

10)"I have been keeping this secret to myself for about 4 years now..."

-----------------------------------

I think these four seem to be best. They all spark curiosity, which can cause the reader to want to know more, and read on..

[ibringjoy]

I like 3, 6, and 10 the best. They are the ones that could make me curious enough to read on and find out what you are talking about.

The additional mystique of a long-kept secret (#10) adds some drama, too. Why didn't you tell anyone? Why are you letting the cat out of the bag now? If most people don't know it, then maybe I can take advantage of it, too. Secret is one of those hypnotic words that draws people.

Kathryn

[Paul_Short]

Sarah, please take this as constructive criticisim... they are all weak. Here's why:

1)"I've never received a single complaint, but then again this is up for debate. Do you think...."

You're giving the reader permission to doubt whatever it is you're talking about. Be definitive.

2)"We've all heard it before, but do you really understand..."

This is just too presumptious and it's also wishy-washy, like a limp moist handshake.

3)"This will be the most important letter you'll ever read. Discover..."

Way, way overused. Come up with something a little more original.

4)"You can own this low cost, quality alternative that does about the same thing as..."

"...that does about the same thing as..." again, be definitive. It should be BETTER than...

5)"Take a few minutes; get a pen and paper and write this down..."

Do you really think the reader will get THAT involved when reading sales material?

6)"Every once in a while something comes along that changes everything..."

Once in a while??? When!!!

7)"You likely hear about this everyday, but have you ever thought..."

Likely? Be definitive!!!

8)"Most experts are not aware of this yet, but do you know..."

Got any numbers? Who are the experts? Got a solid quote from an expert?

9)"People who succeed in life have one thing in common..."

Use a verifiable quote from someone like Tony Robbins, Donald Trump, Oprah Winfrey, etc. instead of hearsay.

10)"I have been keeping this secret to myself for about 4 years now..."

That one's not bad but if you're not sure how long you've been keeping it a secret... the word "about" weakens the statement and subconsciously creates doubt in the readers mind.

#10 rewritten: I have fought, tooth and nail, to hide this from my competitors since April of 2004...

Compare the two statements below:

Definitive, bold statements that leave NO room for weakness or doubt instantly instill confidence in your reader's mind.

It has been said that if you show more confidence when writing sales copy, you may get better conversions.

Which one has more impact? Which one projects the image that the writer knows what s/he is talking about?

Paul

[MaskedMarketer]

Originally Posted by Paul_Short

:

It has been said that if you show more confidence when writing sales copy, you may get better conversions.

Showing more confidence in general should get you better results in all aspects of your life...

[Justin Mandel]

Paul - Those are some really great answers, but what I'm really curious about is how the heck did you make "Dirty Bastard" under your User Name be upside down like that?

What's up Skills!

Originally Posted by Paul_Short

Sarah, please take this as constructive criticisim... they are all weak. Here's why:

1)"I've never received a single complaint, but then again this is up for debate. Do you think...."

You're giving the reader permission to doubt whatever it is you're talking about. Be definitive.

2)"We've all heard it before, but do you really understand..."

This is just too presumptious and it's also wishy-washy, like a limp moist handshake.

3)"This will be the most important letter you'll ever read. Discover..."

Way, way overused. Come up with something a little more original.

4)"You can own this low cost, quality alternative that does about the same thing as..."

"...that does about the same thing as..." again, be definitive. It should be BETTER than...

5)"Take a few minutes; get a pen and paper and write this down..."

Do you really think the reader will get THAT involved when reading sales material?

6)"Every once in a while something comes along that changes everything..."

Once in a while??? When!!!

7)"You likely hear about this everyday, but have you ever thought..."

Likely? Be definitive!!!

8)"Most experts are not aware of this yet, but do you know..."

Got any numbers? Who are the experts? Got a solid quote from an expert?

9)"People who succeed in life have one thing in common..."

Use a verifiable quote from someone like Tony Robbins, Donald Trump, Oprah Winfrey, etc. instead of hearsay.

10)"I have been keeping this secret to myself for about 4 years now..."

That one's not bad but if you're not sure how long you've been keeping it a secret... the word "about" weakens the statement and subconsciously creates doubt in the readers mind.

#10 rewritten: I have fought, tooth and nail, to hide this from my competitors since April of 2004...

Compare the two statements below:

Definitive, bold statements that leave NO room for weakness or doubt instantly instill confidence in your reader's mind.

It has been said that if you show more confidence when writing sales copy, you may get better conversions.

Which one has more impact? Which one projects the image that the writer knows what s/he is talking about?

Paul

[Sarah Harvey]

Hi everyone and thanks for all the replies.

In fact as I stated this was a test and it's a human response that gets me interested.

These are not written by me at all. They are interesting I must say. These come from "Secret Marketing Strategies."

Thanks Paul for that great insight. I totally agree with you on some.

Sure people should be confident, but the human mind has a spark of insecurity. Would someone likely look at these headlines and think... "this person is human like me?"

Some of the headlines is overused. Believe me I have seen it all in my lifetime.

But anyway, these are fantastic answers.

[dorothydot]

Number 6. For some reason, this makes me want to know more.


[I put in extra returns so I wouldn't get burned for too many lines in my signature again - but it still is showing up short. If this is an issue, just pm me, please!]

[AndrewCavanagh]

They're all awful.

Great headlines are not about some formula.

You need to think of your prospect, what appeals to them and the SPECIFIC benefits, information and stories related to your product or service that will get their attention and get them excited about reading your sales copy.

None of these "headlines" come even close to doing that.

Kindest regards,
Andrew Cavanagh

[MaskedMarketer]

Originally Posted by AndrewCavanagh

They're all awful.

Great headlines are not about some formula.

You need to think of your prospect, what appeals to them and the SPECIFIC benefits, information and stories related to your product or service that will get their attention and get them excited about reading your sales copy.

None of these "headlines" come even close to doing that.

Kindest regards,
Andrew Cavanagh

The headline isnt for a sales letter, so the benefit doesnt always have to be stressed. And headlines do have a formula. Its a science and an art...

[zapseo]

Smack 'em with boldness...tempt them with curiosity.

As for insecurity ... you have just identified the human characteristic that has been manipulated by demagogues from the beginning of time. And they didn't do it by seeming insecure. They did it by saying -- "See that, over there? THAT's the cause of your problems." And the followers saw the complexity of their life simplified. "Ah", they say, "so all we have to do is attack that problem (out there, and, in severe cases, it's not problem, it's "people", which is how we get ethnic cleansing...)... and everything will be beautiful!"

(In fact, the political season should provide us with a plethora of such rhetoric, with the reassurance that it "ain't your fault.")

It may seem "just like me" -- but I want someone to pull me out of my insecurities, not add to 'em. Boldness, assuredness, confidence ...yes, even cockiness.

Why do you think Obama has appeal?

"He boldly went forth where few (young) men have gone before...and for sure, few (young) (black) men."

[Sarah Harvey]

zapseo:

Sure people love bold claims and more often than not, it does get their attention. But here is something to think about- some people are not swayed with bold claims or images of grandeur. Sure it might solve their problem, but some people will look for the solution where it seems more plausible. As a beautiful demonstration- a true business person concerned with expanding his market will seek a website to answer his problems. Now let's say there are two business men.

Business man A, is the more confident and seeks answers now. He has more money than business man B and therefore can take the risks. Business man B is more realistic and down to earth. He delivers exceptional service and has long standing relationships with his customers. He needs the same answer as business man A.

Now you have two websites.


One will have extravagant copy and flair, often pointing out that it has the answer to the universe. The second website, is a bit more reserved. It has tons of useful information, it seeks to guide the business owner to the answer.

So really what will happen is that business man A will go for the bolder copy. He can afford it.

Business man B will seek something more realistic, something that reflects his own values. He will look at the first website and even though some part of him will "want" to do it, he will simply shake his head and do more research. He then stumbles on website B and here the copy isn't too "out-of-this-world". He thinks hard and finally decided website B looks more professional. It doesn't have bold claims. It states some facts, and it allows the business owner to make his own decision rather than telling him what it should be.

So yes, some people seek the bold frontier and others, simply seek something that resonates with them on a personal level. Therefore, sometimes, not always, but sometimes, a more realistic headline can be fresh, and interesting.


As an example... I am exactly like business man B. I have seen so much hype and have read hundreds of ebooks, tried dozens and dozens of software/scripts etc (boredom has a way of finding the strangest things in this universe). In the end what captures my attention isn't bold claims, since I do not like to be fed bull****. I prefer deciding for myself what I want. In fact, if people like to be shown rather then make up their own minds, then it still proves my theory that most people are like sheep. They do what everyone else does. Because 50% of the population believe in something, those people will blindly follow and never question or take a step back and ask if that is right. Those people will never gain anything in life. Truth is I am an information Hunter. I seek the truth and will hunt down every avenue of possibility before giving up. The headlines and websites that have been more interesting to me on a personal level, is more professional in appearance and resonates with the business minded workings of my mind.

So yes, I think out of those 10 headlines, I think 3 of them have potential. It can be reworked. But then again, this was all a test to gauge general reaction.



Anyway, thanks for everyone's replies.

[zapseo]

Hi Sarah,

Yours is a great and well-thought out argument.

However, I'm struck by this comment:

In the end what captures my attention isn't bold claims, since I do not like to be fed bull****. I prefer deciding for myself what I want.

You are associating a cause-effect relationship between bold claims and being fed bull****. Bold claims actually can be made that are not bull****. I certainly understand why there is that association, because it is (tragically) true all too often, especially within the IM niche.

In fact, a very important piece (you can see my comments on Kiev's salesletter) is that a headline IS credible. I know of situations where headlines have actually been toned down from results that were actually achieved to something that would not strain the credulity of the target audience.

The sheepleness of human beings I view as less a "weakness" rather than an idiosyncrasy of how human beings are put together. In order to efficiently negotiate the world we develop "shortcuts" in a variety of ways. For instance, habits. One of the shortcuts we use in our early life is learning from others; the power and effectivenss of learning from others is not so easily abandoned.

As for boldness and deciding for yourself, these are not mutually-exclusive.

Boldness is, as you point out, an attention-getting device. It's not the sum of an entire sales process (and I'm using "sales process" in the most broad sense possible).

It is only the first step.

A well-crafted sales process is one in which your particular needs for making a positive buying decision are met. While this is far easier done in person, there's enough known about human psychology to present fairly compelling arguments because they INCLUDE the understanding of the need of the prospect to "make their own decision". Frank Kern, incidentally, does this beautifully.

If you sense that I am "trying to sell you something", you tense up -- it creates resistance. If, however, I say "it's up to you", give you permission, give you a sense that you have control, you will relax and more easily consume the subsequent message.

The sense of control is a fascinating one and has been studied by cognitive and behavior scientists as well as leading hypnotists. Your description of the "boldness", for instance, falls in line with the more common image of hypnosis -- directive, with the hypnotist "in control." Yet the form of hypnosis known as Ericksonian hypnosis actually utilizes an opposite approach. But getting much deeper into this gets a bit dicey -- as talking about "who is in control" becomes very fuzzy, at least in my estimation of most peoples' understanding.

Live JoyFully!

Judy Kettenhofen, Profit Strategist/Copywriter
NextDay Copy