Need some opinions on my squeeze page!

[InfiniteInc]

I have only just started learning about copywriting so I am still getting used to all the different elements and I would love a couple of different ideas on what I could change and improve to increase my opt in rate. Your critiques and advice would be very helpful.

My squeeze page: http://painlessfastweightloss.com/newsletter

Any and all help would be very much appreciated!

Thanks!

[Ken_Caudill]

What do I get when I sign up for your newsletter? What's in it? Who are you?

[InfiniteInc]

Originally Posted by Ken_Caudill

What do I get when I sign up for your newsletter? What's in it? Who are you?

I do briefly go over those things at the bottom the squeeze page. I list out the benefits of what the visitor will receive from the newsletter in bullet form.

I decided to put that further down the page because I think that the free offer would entice more people to sign up and I had that up top, correct me if I am wrong.

As for introducing myself, I only included my name at the very bottom. Should I be explaining who I am and why they should care?

Another question, how long should a squeeze page be? Is my length good?

Thanks for the feedback

[CharismaticMannequin]

Copy Critique

Headline: Generic, boring, heard it all before. What makes you product special? Is it new? Revolutionary? Does it burn fat in new awesome ways? What the hell are ya sellin'?

Copy: Boring, again...heard it all before! Weak emotional content. You start by playing on the emotions of the prospect by jabbing at their insecurities when they look in the mirror. Awesome! But it's weak! You need to make them FEEL that shame, that disappointment, that insecurity....then you present them with the answer.

What are they getting in this newsletter? You tempt them by offering a free report, but they're handing out their email to you. Tell them what you're going to be sending them. Even something short would do:

"Sign up for our newsletter, and receive awesome tips on the cheats you can use to burn off those excess pounds and have you friends interrogating you to discover your secret!"

I dunno, perhaps not that hypey. You decide.

Bullet List: Too short. You have three benefits. Seriously? The second one isn't even good. Make them juicy. Make people DESPERATE to join you! Give them real value. Don't sell them short - they'll hate you.

The second bullet list of three? They're features. Explain WHAT they can do for your prospect (how is this info you're sending them going to impact their lives? How is it going to help them?)


Call to action: WEAK! for a start, move your opt-in form to the bottom. Trust me. Most people are too lazy to scroll back up. Put that badboy at the bottom and leave the no pathetic excuse not to sign up.

On top of that, make them feel the 'heat'. What's going to happen if they DON'T sign up? Why, they're going to go back to their miserable daily boring lives, sitting in front of the TV eating potato chips and watching Jerry Springer getting fatter and fatter.

Encourage these people to change their lives! Final tip: identify with them. People will trust you more if you seem like you understand their position (the self-loathing, the dodgy looks from people judging them, etc) - and people who TRUST you will BUY from you.



Start here. This is one of my niches, so I know what I'm talking about.


Best of luck Mike. Shoot me a message if you need any more help.



Ben.

[InfiniteInc]

Originally Posted by CharismaticMannequin

Copy Critique

Headline: Generic, boring, heard it all before. What makes you product special? Is it new? Revolutionary? Does it burn fat in new awesome ways? What the hell are ya sellin'?

Copy: Boring, again...heard it all before! Weak emotional content. You start by playing on the emotions of the prospect by jabbing at their insecurities when they look in the mirror. Awesome! But it's weak! You need to make them FEEL that shame, that disappointment, that insecurity....then you present them with the answer.

What are they getting in this newsletter? You tempt them by offering a free report, but they're handing out their email to you. Tell them what you're going to be sending them. Even something short would do:

"Sign up for our newsletter, and receive awesome tips on the cheats you can use to burn off those excess pounds and have you friends interrogating you to discover your secret!"

I dunno, perhaps not that hypey. You decide.

Bullet List: Too short. You have three benefits. Seriously? The second one isn't even good. Make them juicy. Make people DESPERATE to join you! Give them real value. Don't sell them short - they'll hate you.

The second bullet list of three? They're features. Explain WHAT they can do for your prospect (how is this info you're sending them going to impact their lives? How is it going to help them?)


Call to action: WEAK! for a start, move your opt-in form to the bottom. Trust me. Most people are too lazy to scroll back up. Put that badboy at the bottom and leave the no pathetic excuse not to sign up.

On top of that, make them feel the 'heat'. What's going to happen if they DON'T sign up? Why, they're going to go back to their miserable daily boring lives, sitting in front of the TV eating potato chips and watching Jerry Springer getting fatter and fatter.

Encourage these people to change their lives! Final tip: identify with them. People will trust you more if you seem like you understand their position (the self-loathing, the dodgy looks from people judging them, etc) - and people who TRUST you will BUY from you.



Start here. This is one of my niches, so I know what I'm talking about.


Best of luck Mike. Shoot me a message if you need any more help.



Ben.

Wow that is some great advice. Can't thank you enough for this! I will be getting to work on everything you mentioned. So I basically need to capture their attention with a unique and attention grabbing headline that outlines my product.

Then move on to showing them the pain and really getting them to feel it. Any advice on how long I should write on this?

After that show them how my newsletter will fix all that for them and show them how their lives will improve with my newsletter. List out how the newsletter will make them happier, more confident, etc. Show them how not signing up will make their lives worse, and they will still live in pain.

Identify with them and talk from their point of view.

Finally close them with a powerful call to action, with my sign up form at the bottom.

So anything else I'm missing or I could add to that? And how exactly should I work in my freebie? Sell them on it as a bonus of signing up? A sort of push them over the edge with value type thing?

Thanks again for the tremendous help!

[Gary Joseph]

I agree with the above, weight is a HUGELY competitive market. The thing with weight loss is, we already know how to do it. Eat Less, Exercise more. Yet it is a multi-billion dollar industry.

You need to stand above this. I will say the style of your page is good, but the copy is a bit weak. Put yourself in the shoes of your customer. What are they dealing with and why will they choose you product over the competitors. It's not just about a free ebook. People can get free knowledge over the internet.

What is in your ebook that is so good and that the market cannot resist it? Once you identify this, work your copy around this.

GJ

[CharismaticMannequin]

Originally Posted by InfiniteInc

Wow that is some great advice. Can't thank you enough for this! I will be getting to work on everything you mentioned. So I basically need to capture their attention with a unique and attention grabbing headline that outlines my product.

Then move on to showing them the pain and really getting them to feel it. Any advice on how long I should write on this?

After that show them how my newsletter will fix all that for them and show them how their lives will improve with my newsletter. List out how the newsletter will make them happier, more confident, etc. Show them how not signing up will make their lives worse, and they will still live in pain.

Identify with them and talk from their point of view.

Finally close them with a powerful call to action, with my sign up form at the bottom.

So anything else I'm missing or I could add to that? And how exactly should I work in my freebie? Sell them on it as a bonus of signing up? A sort of push them over the edge with value type thing?

Thanks again for the tremendous help!

Yep, get to work


I'll have another look once you've updated, and probably throw some ideas your way.



Ben.

[InfiniteInc]

Originally Posted by CharismaticMannequin

Yep, get to work


I'll have another look once you've updated, and probably throw some ideas your way.



Ben.

Just updated my squeeze page. I tried to add every single element you mentioned but I may have missed one or two. Anything else that is very apparent and needs to be improved?

Thanks again.

[Mikestankowski]

Yeah, you may want to describe yourself a little to build trust with the reader

[davemiz]

lol another one...

ok guys... i am the creator of the "WARNING" squeeze page.... its funny... gave kern this page and now the damn f**king thing is all over the internet.

to the OP, you're using it INCORRECTLY, and thats why its not working for you.

The whole point and the reason this page design does so well (or it did until everyone got lazy and started ripping it) is that everything is ABOVE THE FOLD.

There are NO bullet points.

It's the warning graphic, a headline, subheadline arrow and optin form.

Thats it.

And feel free to buy me a beer or something for jacking my stuff :-)

[InfiniteInc]

Originally Posted by davemiz

lol another one...

ok guys... i am the creator of the "WARNING" squeeze page.... its funny... gave kern this page and now the damn f**king thing is all over the internet.

to the OP, you're using it INCORRECTLY, and thats why its not working for you.

The whole point and the reason this page design does so well (or it did until everyone got lazy and started ripping it) is that everything is ABOVE THE FOLD.

There are NO bullet points.

It's the warning graphic, a headline, subheadline arrow and optin form.

Thats it.

And feel free to buy me a beer or something for jacking my stuff :-)

Yeah I was thinking the whole squeeze page was just getting too long.

And just so you know this warning template comes free with OptimizePress, that could be why you're seeing it so often!

[AshwaniGaur]

Just scratched some stuff for you...
Check it out!

[Image removed]

[davemiz]

ya... oh well... I'm flattered optimizepress... feel free to throw some cash my way ...or at least buy a brotha a beer. lol :-)