Copyrighting ugh -- feedback on this page please

[donnamos]

I would love feedback on this page. Profitable Workshops E-Course * Infinite Possiblities Coaching

I have set up a paydotcom affiliate for this page. I want it to be successful for affiliates and I would love your feedback.

I can't be alone in suffering through writing compelling copy.

Create a Great Day
Donna

[Loren Woirhaye]

It needs a lot of work. Sometimes it's challenging to write copy
for your own product.

[Angela Kambarian]

Donna,
thank you for posting your page.
My predecessor is right.
It needs some work.

Put more spark into your headline.
It's not terrible but should be "spiced up" a bit
to increase response.

"Really you should enroll now this is an introductory price..."
sounds a bit awkward.
Replace it with a more compelling "Enroll now and benefit
from a huge discount and a coaching session", something
along those lines. Of course, this phrase needs to be thought through.

Instead of Sign up now, you could say: "Four ways you can benefit
from the workshop" or "Four Reasons to Sign up for the Workshop"
Hype is not necessary but the copy should be more compelling
and convincing.

[donnamos]

thanks so much for the feedback. Of course I knew it needed work, just was not sure whrere to start. thanks heaps

Donna

[Christie Love]

Hi Donna,

I just reviewed your site. I want to start by saying, the art of copywriting takes a lengthy learning curve in order to gain adept skills to make copy that's does it's best to convert your customers into sales. There's probably too much to information to give you in this thread. I'm thinking that's why not too many people have responded. :-(

To tell you the truth, the entire sales letter needs to be re-done starting from scratch as you're missing the whole concept of writing copy. If you want to write the sales page yourself, I would suggest getting some copywriting books to study and analyzing different sales letters each day.

If you absolutely need some advice right now, then I would suggest you follow the format of...

Promise
Problem
Tell A Story
Product Description
Benefits (bullets)
Call to Action

I hope this helps. Good luck!