Tell Me Why My Squeeze Page Sucks

[jluck]

Hey guys, I'm new to the whole email marketing and copywriting thing. I've been trying to create a decent squeeze page for the list I'm building. I obviously want high opt-in rates, but my list is all about building trust with my subscribers- so I don't want to over promise either.

Anyways, I've only done a little testing so far. It's too soon to know for sure, but by my results don't seem great so far. I would love to hear feedback on my squeeze page, which is attached below (sorry, the image got a little blurry when I attached it). Thanks!

[Moriarty]

Okay, let's start at the beginning. You have had a go. That puts you ahead of 80% of those who only dream of this kind of thing. The problem for you is that each extra 10% effectiveness is as much work - or more. [end warning]

Your squeeze page is telling people what you do.

Because anybody can say they have a "proven system". This is the 21st century where the people are wise to this dry carrot hanging from a stick.

What should you do instead? Since you are a world renown coach, you will have stories. Tell one. Only tell it from the perspective of your client. Since you are into communictions and relationships, this shouldn't be too hard.

Tell it as if you are of your prospects and tell a story from his point of view. It need not be long, it does need to entrance him.

In your email autoresponder series you can winnow out those guys who aren't a good match - and you can have offers that appeal to different levels of commitment. That is to say, a free course (which you have) a basic online course for $50 and personal telepone coaching that gives them half an hour for $150. All of this will allow them to engage, and you to discover if they are a good match or not. Your premium service at $1000 will be for those who really want it, and will only be for a few.

What do you think?

[Bruce Wedding]

The problem is that your bullets are totally UNcompelling. And don't tell me I'm getting a "complete free course." Tell me I'm getting a course worth $97 for free. And who IS Jordon Luck? Do the people landing on the page know him? If not, why should I believe he's "world renowned"?

[SlfMastery]

Originally Posted by jluck

Hey guys, I'm new to the whole email marketing and copywriting thing. I've been trying to create a decent squeeze page for the list I'm building. I obviously want high opt-in rates, but my list is all about building trust with my subscribers- so I don't want to over promise either.

Anyways, I've only done a little testing so far. It's too soon to know for sure, but by my results don't seem great so far. I would love to hear feedback on my squeeze page, which is attached below (sorry, the image got a little blurry when I attached it). Thanks!

Hi Jordon:

Took a look at your squeeze page and the first thing that turned me off was the graphics. Take a look at your competitors optin forms/pages and:

1. Check out how different graphics produce different feelings. "Copy" (use similar images) the one w/ the feeling you want to get across.

2. See what kind of words they use. Which one's trigger the feelings you want your visitor to feel?

Bottom line: Imitate what's out there

Charlie

PS GREAT job for taking action! I commend you.

[jluck]

Thanks guys, I really appreciate the feedback! I'll put some work into it and see what I can come up with.

[jluck]

Made some changes. I still have a lot of work to do with testing and figuring out how to write compelling material. But, I wanted to give you guys a look at my newest squeeze page creation.

It's attached below (again, sorry that it's a little blurry), let me know what you think. Am I going in the right direction?

[Ken_Caudill]

Why should I take advice on women from a cartoon?

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

[Loren Woirhaye]

I'd try it with at least a real picture of your own self.

The cartoon ladies are okay.

I think the headline font looks bad. You might
try a "handwritten" sort of thing like

"Get More Hookups Starting Today With My Free Email Course"

Take out the false scarcity.

Focus the copy on the benefit to the reader instead of
puffing up your reputation.

Tell him:
- what he gets
- how fast he will get it
- how easily he will get it

[jluck]

I've been loving all the great feedback! The cartoon avatar is something I have been using online for a while, so I'd like to stick with it for the moment.

Made a lot of changes, including calling it a guide now instead of a course. My thinking being that people aren't really sure what I'm talking about when I say I'm giving them a course.

Attached is one last squeeze page attempt (blurry image again) for people to check out. I'll keep working on it, but this will be the last one I bother everyone with for the moment. Thanks!

[MartinPlatt]

I'd say that you need to list the benefits.

You're mostly telling me what I already know, based on the title of the page.

What will your readers get out of subscribing? How does what you do differ from everyone else.

The get it now before the free period ends - I know what you're trying to do, but it's BS. Perhaps instead focus on your readers taking action based on them missing out on all the ladies, or preventing them from experiencing awkward moments, that sort of thing??

[Tim Clay Marketing]

As someone who pretty familiar with the seduction community, here's my advice:

#1) Use pictures of real women. Hot women. Goal based advertising, show the prospect his goal realized. Show him the kind of woman he could have if he used your product and had success. Doesn't have to be slutty, just get his attention.

#2) Being a vet of the community, I've never heard of you. If someone was a world renowned pick up artist, I'd know about him. So you'd lose credibility with someone like me immediately. The majority of your buyers are going to be people who have already purchased a relationship based product within the last couple of months, so they'd probably have heard of you too already.

Instead, for credibility I'd drop the "world-renowned" title and post a picture of you with some hot chicks. Basically shows the reader you know how to attain the goals he's after, plus it makes you a whole lot more real than a cartoon, which scream anonymity (you could be a fat old man for all we know)

#3) It doesn't pass the "So What?" test...

Get the guide free... So what? Where's the value? What's in it for me? What if this guide sucks?

Learn the secret and controversial methods... Make it more beneficial, paint a picture in the prospect's mind. "Cause any woman to be more attracted to you" is a lot less tantalizing than "have woman begging you to take their number." A lot of these guys don't know what a woman being attracted to them looks like, so paint the picture for them.

Any guy can go from lovable friend to guy she wants to be with... So what? It's just been said WAY better in other places, your main competition.

#4) My main advice would be to scout out the competition and see what they're doing, and then try to knock them off. David DeAngelo is the best example I can think of. Go on clickbank and look for the most successful relationship products. Get on all their email lists, study the words they're using to describe how their products will benefit the prospect, and then try to emulate them.

Your message simply isn't visceral enough to stir up any emotion. The competition is doing it way better, and most people will have been exposed to their advertising. Your product can be the best in the world, but their marketing and advertising is killing it. Don't reinvent the wheel, copy what works.

[papuanac1971]

I will tell you one thing from my point of view. I had similar squeeze page and also did not get lots of subscribers but that I install simple exit page script and guess what, I did not get subscribers but I redirect them once they want to leave my page to a CPA offer and I hit the goal. Someone subscribe but most of them no but I monetize them on onther way.

[davemiz]

world renowned pickup artists and coach? yet no ones heard of you....

lacks honesty and credibility.

[infoway]

An effective squeeze page is still a website but it’s a very simple one. It should only consist of 3 things:

• An attention grabbing headline that reaches out and slaps the reader
• Some basic information about what you’re giving away
• An email web-form for them to sign up to your list.

Graphics are a plus but you don’t want to go over board simply because you want to viewer to pay attention to one thing and one thing only; what you have for free and why they must sign up for it before they leave.

[SpankinNewbie]

A new headline would help.

"Discover How I've Used the Secrets of Attraction to Score with Hundreds of Women"

Of course the word "scored" could mean anything.

[TheOcarlsen]

Just of the top of my head...

H:Show me any woman and I will make her desire me.
SH: Show me your email and I will teach you how.

You'll laugh at your honest mistakes and feel godly powerful as you discover:

*How to make a woman bit her lips and twirl her hair just from talking to you - and the power of leaving them as soon as they do so.

Yeah, figure out the rest of the bullets yourself. The point is, sell the likeliness of more sex + a squeeze is not about conversion, it's about causing interest, your content is the section of the funnel that is supposed to cause the conversion (to sale).

[jachu2]

The biggest factor that results in conversions is just connecting on an emotional level with the client. Gain their trust with the 'I have been in your shoes, my struggle this and that', and then sell them the solution! Focus on them, them, them.

Good Luck!

[Josh 135]

I will advise you to act on the recommendations given by other members then go ahead and do split testing for your squeeze page. The one that will get a lot people subscribe to it is the one that you will know doesn’t suck. It is all about testing and getting the one that works best.