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| | #1 |
| Content Creator Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Budapest
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Like Lawrence, I've been re-writing my content writing site. Most of the pages are on their 3rd drafts. Except the most important: the home page. So, I need a headline that gets across my message. I've been toying with the following. Hand Made Content Can Drive Double the Traffic to Your Site AND Boost Your Sales. How does it sound to you? Would you read on (well, not you: a small business owner who wants on and off-page content)? It's not perfect for me. It's missing the BANG. The FIZZ. It's no sales letter and I don't want to add mystery: it will be obvious what services I offer. I want to see how my copy goes on my own site before launching it as a service. I feel I'm learning more and more everyday about the specifics of copy rather than writing in general. Soon I can join your hallowed ranks. Honesty is the best policy. Many thanks, Tom |
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| | #2 | |
| Advanced Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Oct 2006
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Who is Lawrence? If a Warrior, you assume we read every post and know everyone, right? I see there is a Laurence, a WRITER, who has a site which tells me immediately what he does. Is the site in your sig file the site you are referring to? If so, when I visited it, had no clue what you have there or what you offer. Suggest you open up two windows, one your site and the other Articles written and edited by expert writer. To see a comparison between the two. This from Stom Solutions: You need to create an impression. Does this site do it? Does it not make an impression? IMHO, a wrong one. You need to be able to engage and inform. Have I been engaged or informed? I don't think so. If you want to make it in the murky waters of the internet, then you need the highest quality content. Here at Stom Solutions, we will make that impression for you. Your readers will turn into clients after feasting their mind on our prose. So whether you need articles to attract, website content to entrap, press releases to inform or anything else you can think of, get in touch – we can fulfil your every writing need. SIGH!!!! Quote:
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| | #3 |
| Ads That Work War Room Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: England UK
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Hi Tom, Many may say what I'm about to reveal doesn't seem "powerful enough" But my goodness, I've had some extraordinary success using this headline formula. It starts - This Is Why So in your case it would be - "This Is Why Hand Made Content Drives Double The Traffic To Your Site Boosting Your Sales" (as you can see I've left out the word "can". Because people prefer definitive answers. And it would be good to be specific saying how much sales will be boosted - e.g. By up to... and even...). I can't guarantee this will "work" for you. But you might want to "test" it. And I do hope your results are as good as the ones I got. Steve |
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| | #4 | |
| Content Creator Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Budapest
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That's why I'm doing this. I know my current site sucks. It will show everything it needs to. Thanks. Thanks Steve: do you have the same problem with the headline? Does it work for you in any way? I understand "This is Why". It's something I could do. Cheers. Tom | |
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| | #5 |
| Senior Warrior Member War Room Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: In The Profit Column
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I always liked Mel Martin's "For" headlines: For Adults Who Would Love To Pick Up Their Education Where They Left Off (for NY Times Guide to Continuing Education in America). For New Yorkers Who Would Rather Ride Bikes Than Subways, Buses, Cars or Cabs (for The Bicyclists Guide To Manhattan.) The target market is very clear. So maybe you could say something simple like For Website Owners That Want Better Copy or For Small Business Owners Who Want Better Website Content To Make More Sales something like that. |
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| | #6 |
| Active Warrior Join Date: Dec 2011
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I would suggest something called an instant clarity headline. The formula for it is: End result the costumer wants + Specific period of time + Address any objections. Example: Earn $500 Each Week Without Spending Any Money Up-front Note: You don't need to use all 3 of them all the time! Example: Lose 30 pounds in 30 days. You could use something like: Double Your Traffic and Sales With High Quality Content Play around with the formula and you'll have an awesome headline in no time. |
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My journey to 1000 subscribers: Detailed Success - Traffic -> Subscribers -> Sales | |
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| | #7 |
| HyperActive Warrior Join Date: Apr 2011
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I also recommend that you review Dan Furman's book, Do the Web Write. He has some excellent ideas for an effective small business website.
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| | #8 | |
| Ads That Work War Room Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: England UK
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Hi Tom, Your headline is a benefit headline - showing the result. Nothing wrong with that. And there's a bit of a hook - "Hand Made" - bringing a dash of intrigue (or at the least differentiating you from the masses). Ok, it's not the ultimate headline ever written. And mercifully it's not a 270 word hyped to hell horror. My view is, as it'll be on the inter web - choked with "shouting screaming and bawling" spiels. Something that's a touch more cool, calm and collected... ...with the body copy oozing with empathy and credibility but still fascinates and proves how and why you will deliver what you promise (with a no quibble guarantee). Could do very well. Steve | |
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Ads That Work - They're so irresistible. Your people just have to buy Want Your Advertising To Get A Much Higher Response And Greater Profits? Just PM me. Or read this- http://www.warriorforum.com/warriors...right-now.html | ||
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| | #9 |
| Content Creator Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Budapest
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lol, Steve. I bet you've written plenty of eBooks. I can see the points you've all made: thanks. I think I was trying to include too much and missed the boat a bit. In terms of a guarantee, Steve, the problem with content writing seems to be everyone offering the same guarantee and there not being much scope for being adventurous with it. As many re-writes (although you should try it first) as you want and if you're still not happy... I think this area of business is a bit more difficult to pin down than copywriting. I want to write effective copy but I'm still close to the beginning of the journey. My business idea for that is much "tighter", though. Much easier to identify everything I need. I'm just not ready for it technically. |
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| | #10 |
| Ads That Work War Room Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: England UK
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Tom, Me? write an eBook for the inter web? There's more chance of a new pope being elected. Oops. There are lots of guarantees you could try. But if the copy is enticing enough - the "standard" guarantee should be Ok. Steve |
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Ads That Work - They're so irresistible. Your people just have to buy Want Your Advertising To Get A Much Higher Response And Greater Profits? Just PM me. Or read this- http://www.warriorforum.com/warriors...right-now.html | |
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| | #11 |
| Active Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Norway
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Like mentioned above, you dont have to reinvent the wheel here. Keep it simple. I suggest a simple bait here. Meaning, a question or statement you know visitors want to get answered or explained (often because it answers a lot of others questions they have). Like f.x: H: What do YOU think is the difference between content that makes people read and content that makes people focus? I: Its funny, some business owners keep repeating the same old patterns. They want the high traffic and the big sales, but still they (a negative example that resembles the situation of the typical visitor). Others make it much more easy for themselves. Others have learned how important it is to (the main benefit of the service you provide, without saying that you offer it + a hint to how you get people to focus). And so on ![]() The point is, given that the visitor is conscious about not doing "well enough", he will (probably) feel like you are explaining what he is doing wrong and that you have the solution. Direct message: Question that causes curiosity or (positive) confusion. Intro that defines the different outcomes of the right and wrong approach. Indirect message: You want the latter, right? Read on. I have the authority to answer it because I am doing it to you right now + comparison that makes the visitor end up in the negative end of the scale, meaning he will indirectly link up his stuff to getting readers and not people that focus. Which in his head might become the reason why he is not doing well enough ![]() As you might know, direct messages is meant to inform, indirect is the part where you influence. |
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| | #12 |
| Content Creator Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Budapest
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Looking through the web this morning and stumbled across this. Headline: A+ Content Writers OK. Content Providers Who Create Buzz Good. Your website has potential. OK. Resolve to make your content shine. WTF! |
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| | #13 |
| Content Creator Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Budapest
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So, the new website is taking an age. I decided to test a new home page. What do you think? I haven't updated many of the other pages yet. www.stomsolutions.com How does it read? |
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| | #14 | ||
| Conversion Consultant War Room Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Leicestershire, UK
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| Focused on the business rather than the prospect. Quote:
Quote:
You want the headline to be the dominant element - not your logo and business name. Your deck copy makes a huge claim with zero proof. [Having gone through the entire page, you don't offer any proof at all for your main selling point of "content that sells"] The content's written by you alone - so who are you? Your contact form seems randomly placed with no connection to the rest of the page. A free consultation is a standard offer, you want an irresistible one. It's not clear what a content cave is or why I should click it. And don't give it equal footing to the contact form, make one your primary CTA (might differ depending on the traffic). On my 1600*900 laptop screen the font's not the easiest to read. | ||
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Andrew Gould
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| | #15 | |
| Content Creator Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Budapest
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My technical expertise when it comes to web development is miniscule. I'm waiting on some design and then my developer with my website, so this was a stop-gap to test my first "attempt" at my own copy. On the font, what was the issue? Placement: The logo is too big. I know that. It will be rectified. The content cave link will disappear, it is already on the right anyway. On the contact form placement, where would you suggest? Where would get the most, best attention? Proof: There will be testimonials on the front page of the new website when it is ready. I'm working on that. I'm going to have a picture of me on the main page too, with a short description. I'm unsure how to incorporate this into the copy in the best way...as I said, I'm new to this, learning the ropes as I go. I'm not sure what kind of irresistable offer I can make in this sector. I write all the articles myself. I am in a cheap country so I can charge slightly less than the competition despite the quality (although that's a tricky one as I don't want to make people think I'm cheap). Your feedback is much appreciated, though. Cheers. Tom | |
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| | #16 |
| Ads That Work War Room Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: England UK
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You're right nobody wants "cheap" People tend to want great value at the lowest price. To make your irresistible price offer. You say you live in Budapest, living costs are inexpensive, you work by yourself so no staff overheads... And you are delighted to pass these savings onto your clients. But emphasise they will always get top quality work. Steve |
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Ads That Work - They're so irresistible. Your people just have to buy Want Your Advertising To Get A Much Higher Response And Greater Profits? Just PM me. Or read this- http://www.warriorforum.com/warriors...right-now.html | |
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| | #17 | |
| Senior Warrior Member War Room Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: In The Profit Column
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Alan Carr, sales copywriter It doesn't come across as cheap, just a great opportunity to get a top gun at a good value. | |
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| | #18 | |||
| Conversion Consultant War Room Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Leicestershire, UK
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| It looks like Chrome's rendered it with anti-aliasing, making it a little blurry. In Firefox it's almost the opposite, the strokes are too narrow. I think it could be larger. And the primary font is Myriad, that's not a standard system font so keep in mind most people will be seeing the second choice, Century Gothic. Quote:
Then I'd give it a headline, maybe a couple of lines explaining what they get (be specific), and improve the fields ("Description" is far too vague). In terms of position, it could stay down there and/or you can move it above the fold into the right sidebar so your visitors see it as soon as they arrive. Quote:
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To come up with your "offer they can't refuse" see what your successful competition are doing (and aren't doing). Look at what other freelancers are offering outside the content industry. The first idea that came to my mind was offering each piece of content in multiple formats, e.g. video, audio, PDF. You could offer to upload it all for them. Or you could offer subscription services for writing blog posts. And I'm sure there's plenty of other things you'll be able to think of. | |||
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Andrew Gould
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| | #19 |
| HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Feb 2009
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Where's the traffic coming from? It makes a big difference. Are you looking for more clients from WF, or actual brick and mortar local businesses? In either case, I think what you have right now is too easy to gloss over - regardless of how you word it. The body copy looks decent considering your pricing. Although... and maybe it's just me... but omitting a space after each period clogs the writing up. For the headline: I would try something like "WARNING: How The Wrong Words On Your Website Wastes Your Money" in black. Lose the subheadline. And if you really are targeting brick and mortar local businesses... I'd use the word "content" sparingly, and certainly would advise against it for the headline. |
| Stop messing around. Read this important message from me right now and see how a well scripted whiteboard animation video sales letter can instantly double, or even TRIPLE your conversion rate. | |
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| | #20 |
| Content Creator Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Budapest
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Thanks guys. Robert, the problem is that I haven't touched my site for a while...I've been busy offline with various things and with a few regular clients online, so haven't done much about the promotion of these services... I want that to change and I want to target online with it. BUT I also want to be able to quickly get a couple of clients through the door. I am working on another idea as well, which won't be ready for 6 weeks or 2 months. It does target more local and specific businesses, so it's a bit easier for me to "sell": the target audience is far more specific. What do you mean about omitting a space after the periods, though? There's meant to be two...perhaps wordpress is doing something with it. Ditto the font. I'll look into it for the short term. Meanwhile, there will be something much better on the site side soon. |
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| | #21 | |
| Conversion Consultant War Room Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Leicestershire, UK
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The idea of using two is from the days of the typewriter when every character took up the same amount of space, so two spaces were required to give a visual break. That's not so with computers as fonts are proportional, meaning different characters take up different amounts of space. (You can get monospaced fonts which replicate the typewriter's non-proportional style like Courier and Lucida Console) Online it doesn't make a great deal of difference as HTML strips anything over one space and although I've not checked WordPress probably does so as well. | |
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Andrew Gould
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| | #22 |
| Ads That Work War Room Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: England UK
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Those were the days. In the copywriters attic, hammering away on the Olivetti typewriter. Till 4 am. Fresh coffee brewing on the percolator. Everything typed in courier. I was still plagued with technical issues though... Putting the blue copy tissue between the sheets of crisp white paper was a nightmare - I got covered in ink. And I always had to get a "support team" to change the typewriter ribbon once a week - if ever I tried it I was tied up in knots. Steve |
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Ads That Work - They're so irresistible. Your people just have to buy Want Your Advertising To Get A Much Higher Response And Greater Profits? Just PM me. Or read this- http://www.warriorforum.com/warriors...right-now.html | |
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| | #23 |
| HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Feb 2009
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Upon second glance, it looks fine. It just appears that way in a few places due to the font you're using... Cheers |
| Stop messing around. Read this important message from me right now and see how a well scripted whiteboard animation video sales letter can instantly double, or even TRIPLE your conversion rate. | |
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| | #24 | |
| Content Creator Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Budapest
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EDIT: I managed to change it to Verdana or Arial. Does it look better for you? More readable? I'm not sure I like the way it looks, but that's what the new site will fix...One problem here is the width: so much of the space for the header is taken up with other things...but I can't do anything about that now. | |
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| | #25 |
| HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Feb 2009
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| Yes, I think it does. Personally I'd go a size smaller and change it to Arial or Arial Narrow. But really... I wouldn't worry too much about it. I recently changed the font on a sales page from Times New Roman to Arial... I had been wanting to try it for a while, curious to see if it would make a difference... and I finally got around to it. I felt like Arial was better suited for the market. But nope, no difference.
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| Stop messing around. Read this important message from me right now and see how a well scripted whiteboard animation video sales letter can instantly double, or even TRIPLE your conversion rate. | |
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| | #26 |
| Content Creator Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Budapest
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So, I've had some time to think and reflect. I've written some content and some blogs. Then I've gone back to my features and benefits lists. Something simple. Changing one word and getting a potential USP out of it... Instead of "Hand Made Content", how about "Hand Written Content". There is one other out there with "Hand written content" in their sales letter. But they just call it that. I will send an image of the written copy to my clients with every completed order (as well as the word document). My handwriting is good enough that they may even be able to use the hand written page. I even prefer writing to typing. I'll will get working on a new headline and make some "edits" (read wholesale changes) to my body copy asap (read as soon as my brain kicks into gear). |
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| | #27 | |
| Content Creator Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Budapest
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It's not perfect yet (not sure on the pre-header, for one), but this is what I'm working on atm. Quote:
Oh, and thanks everyone who's commented so far, it's been damn helpful ![]() Most of the theory is just so "why didn't I think of that earlier!". But then it's hard to implement, which is why great copy costs so much, I guess. The body copy is around 900 words atm. I'm not sure on it, yet, so going to work on it some more. 2 or 3 more re-writes, I think. I left it overnight and made some good changes when I sat down this morning. Will go back to it this evening. | |
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| | #28 |
| Online Diva Join Date: Mar 2011
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"Hand Made Content Can Drive Double the Traffic to Your Site AND Boost Your Sales."? NO 1st off, "hand made" sounds like a crafting blog or something 2nd, I hear blah, blah, blah..as in the same thing said a million times "How a Consistent Voice Turns Readers into Customers" ? Better, I guess.. but boring don't you think? Plus, you have two completely different messages with those headlines. The 1st implies the content is on the Internet to drive pp to your site. The 2nd is just explaining how to have a consistent voice. Two separate situations. First you gotta know what you're writing. What problem you're solving and how YOU have the solution. Since I don't really know what you're trying to convey, here's a "winging it" headline: "Up close and personal content turns your readers into loyal fans who want to give you money." or "How to write engaging content that captivates readers and creates customers for life." "Use your personality to captivate your readers and turn them into lifetime paying clients." |
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| | #29 | |
| Conversion Consultant War Room Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Leicestershire, UK
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It also needs to have the selling proposition part. Meaning it has to be of value to the customer. Does a picture of your writing provide any value? And if you do want to go with the hand-written theme I'd use it in the design as well as the copy to help brand yourself (and make it just one feature of a premium brand). | |
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Andrew Gould
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| | #30 | |
| Content Creator Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Budapest
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I should look at getting some more references, perhaps from here. I've been working a lot with agencies and not individuals, and they're hardly likely to give me a reference for a competitive business... I'm working on a couple as we go, new jobs, so we'll see what they say. | |
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| | #31 | |
| Advanced Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Oct 2011
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A few things: 1. Remove "hand made" because it just sounds weird. 2. "Double the traffic" is too vague. Put in real numbers. 3. "Boost your sales" is too vague. Again, put in numbers or a percentage. A good headline formula that I learned from Eben Pagan is: [How to][get amazing result][in short time frame][with low risk] So in your case, it might be something like: How to get 2000 visitors to your website in the next 30 days with these content-writing secrets, guaranteed! Or: How to increase your sales by 87% in the next 24 hours with these article-writing secrets, guaranteed! I just wrote that off the top of my head. I also added the word "secrets" because it pretty much always catches the reader's curiosity. I'm sure you can improve upon these examples with some more thought though. | |
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| | #32 | |
| HyperActive Warrior Join Date: Sep 2012
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But addressing your headline specifically, you specifically should be specific. I.e.,
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| | #33 |
| Content Creator Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Budapest
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So, I was sitting there today and had a flash of inspiration ![]() At bloody hell last! I'll post a link to my new idea soon, see what y'all think, if you would like to comment. Thank you all and thanks for the feedback so far, it's helped immensely |
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| | #34 | |
| Content Creator Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Budapest
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So, grab your attention more than before? Stom Solutions | The Writing Service Guaranteed to Boost Your Traffic EDIT: Ignore some of the formatting, it's crazy and I'm no coding whizz...New website ASAP, with better form placement as well as a nicer pic of me ![]() Added just the text here instead: Quote:
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