Funny Bullet

[JasonParker]

You guys wanna see a funny John Carlton bullet?

*Wrestlers the size of Jabba the Hut get tossed into walls like puppies by women!

[mgreener]

Funny? That's awesome! For a muscle building product?

[Jeremey]

Great imagery...But maybe I'm looking at this wrong.

Because what I see in my mind is women hurling puppies against the wall. Ouch. Is that what I'm supposed to be seeing?

Or women hurling Jabba The Hutt against the wall as if he were only the size and temperament of a small puppy?

My gut tells me it's the latter.

[SamKane]

Originally Posted by mgreener

Funny? That's awesome! For a muscle building product?

It was for a self defense course.

Combat JKD | Chris Clugston

[JasonParker]

Originally Posted by SamKane

It was for a self defense course.

Combat JKD | Chris Clugston

That's cool. I've never seen the online version of that letter.

The one I pulled the bullet from was the direct mail version, which had a nickel glued to the top of the page.

There's no headline.

It's similar to the penny letter/dollar letter... except it was with a nickel and he tied in that nickel into the story.

See subhead: His Life Wasn't Worth Much More Than That Nickel In His Pocket!

[Ephrils]

Originally Posted by Jeremey

Because what I see in my mind is women hurling puppies against the wall. Ouch. Is that what I'm supposed to be seeing?

This is exactly what I read on my first read.

I had to go back and read it again because it didn't make sense. Well, it did, but not in the sense I thought it should be making.

It took another read or two to short out the imagery.

[Mike Mendell]

Immediately after reading that bullet I thought:

"Yeah right."

[JasonParker]

Originally Posted by Mike Mendell

Immediately after reading that bullet I thought:

"Yeah right."

You have to keep in mind that this bullet was placed after logically building up to it.

It wouldn't be even 1% believable just reading it outright like in a headline.

And besides that... John Carlton is like the king of acknowledging disbelief.

Once you have a full-on "yeah right moment" you better believe he's going to acknowledge it with something like, "You think it's too good to be true?" Then he'll back it up with testimonials, proof, reasons why, or whatever.

And sometimes he seems to actually be looking for the "yeah right" reaction to a degree.

He toes the line of believability.

He likes to screw with your mind like that lol...

[verial]

Originally Posted by JasonParker

You have to keep in mind that this bullet was placed after logically building up to it.

It wouldn't be even 1% believable just reading it outright like in a headline.

And besides that... John Carlton is like the king of acknowledging disbelief.

Once you have a full-on "yeah right moment" you better believe he's going to acknowledge it with something like, "You think it's too good to be true?" Then he'll back it up with testimonials, proof, reasons why, or whatever.

And sometimes he seems to actually be looking for the "yeah right" reaction to a degree.

He toes the line of believability.

He likes to screw with your mind like that lol...

I don't know man. Mind you, I haven't seen the whole sales letter, but this bullet seems both absurd and poorly written.

Also, I'm a bit put off by Star Wars references and the image of puppies being thrown into walls.

Plus, it's an improper use of passive voice.

[JasonParker]

Originally Posted by verial

I don't know man. Mind you, I haven't seen the whole sales letter, but this bullet seems both absurd and poorly written.

Also, I'm a bit put off by Star Wars references and the image of puppies being thrown into walls.

Plus, it's an improper use of passive voice.

Well the beauty of copywriting is that the only opinion that matters is the cash register's