As promised, my 1st sales letter draft

HaveFaith · 08-30-2008, 11:40 PM

Hey fellow Warriors,
I've followed your advice and have created my first draft of a sales letter. I know that it still needs work, but any tips on where to take it from where it is would be appreciated.

Even better, any format you guys use to write up sales letters would be great. The product is a dating e-book on how to date Korean women.

Thanks in advance!!

Sales Page

"Want to have beautiful Korean women in your life? Want to know how to attract them and bring them into YOUR world?"

Hi, HaveFaith here.

I'll admit it. I'm a gamer. No, not a sports gamer or anything of the like, but I love playing online computer games. Unfortunately, gaming wasn't a great way for me to meet women. Can you relate to me here?

I was constantly frustrated, to the point where I said "to hell with this!" and decided to go out. Nothing fancy, just going out for a walk. The good thing, I found, of taking small action, is that it opened the doors for me to do more. Eventually, I took the big step and decided to go for the women I loved the most: Korean women. To vowed to learn the methods on how to make myself a man who can attract those women as I set out to Korea's big city:Seoul.

I'll be honest, for the first three months I didn't get as much as a kiss from anyone, much less a woman. I did, on the other hand, learn a lot about what doesn't work with respect to Korean women, so that you don't have to go through that gut-wrenching process! I've then took action to learn from men who were naturally good with women here, and who have taught me a great deal about Korean culture , and some easy language that will help you. I've also spent time with some of the best seducers in Asia who are mentioned in Neil Strauss' Bestselling book: The Game. The end result? I found what works.

I wont lie to you. I worked hard. Real hard. I alienated my friends, and even my co-workers as my main focus was on how to attract and build relationships with Korean women. Now, you'll receive the fruits of my labor: my e-book "A beginners guide to attracting and building relationships with Korean women"

This is a 50+ page e-book designed to help you attract the Korean women you want that will not only help you deal with Korean culture and language barriers, but will also teach you how to set yourself up to attract the women YOU want both physically and mentally. The e-book starts out with explaining certain truths you need to know both about women and Korea, then goes into a step-by-step plan that will IMMEDIATELY increase your chances of attracting the women you want BEFORE you even meet them. Then you will learn on how to meet them, as well as being able to set up a date that YOU control, but you'll also learn on where to take it from there.

This e-book, which has a value of $50 and took me both time AND money to educate myself, not to mention the frustrating pain that the process has put on me, to noe provide you with the information, which will be yours for only $19.99.

You'll receive the e-book instantly via email as soon as the payment is completed. from Blabla@gmail.com. The book will be in a PDF file for your convenience. For you to be able read it, if you can't already, simply download "Adobe Reader free "at Adobe - Adobe Reader Download - All versions (for mac) or Adobe - Adobe Reader : For Windows (for pc)

If you order now, you'll also receive another 52 page e-book FREE that will teach you how to set up dates in Asia so that you can GENUINELY impress both your date AND yourself, and help make the relationship more intimate for the both of you.

dorothydot · 08-31-2008, 10:45 AM

Hi,

Here are a few thoughts. First, though, I want to congratulate you for taking the plunge and crafting your first - of many, I hope! - sales letter. This will be the biggest learning tool by far for you.

Please take my comments as my efforts to help you along the path of becoming a great copywriter. I mean to help, not hurt you.

That said, my biggest overall critique is... you need to use that most-important-copywriter-magic-word of all much, MUCH more frequently: "you". It's about the reader, the prospect - not HaveFaith.

This is a vital lesson. You must engage your readers. They are interested in themselves, not you. Use words and phrases that they would use. Use images and emotions that they would react to. Use proof of your expertise in this area that they would believe in.

All the rest of your letter needs to be reworked to reflect this.

And remember... people make the decision to buy based on emotions; then they carry out that decision to buy based on rational data.

Again, my deepest congratulations on taking the plunge and simply putting pen to paper and writing your first sales letter.

You've already conquered the biggest obstacle of all!

Keep writing, keep practicing and keep posting!

Sincerely,
Dot

HaveFaith · 09-01-2008, 02:42 AM

Dot,
thank you very much for your advice. I'm going to revise my sales letter, and have re-post it here. Let me see if I can also have a decent header and sales page so that more people can reply to my thread lol.

Thanks again Dot. You gave me exactly what I needed.

HaveFaith

08-30-2008, 11:40 PM	#1
HaveFaith Warrior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: , , . Posts: 28 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post Social Networking Contact Info	As promised, my 1st sales letter draft Hey fellow Warriors, I've followed your advice and have created my first draft of a sales letter. I know that it still needs work, but any tips on where to take it from where it is would be appreciated. Even better, any format you guys use to write up sales letters would be great. The product is a dating e-book on how to date Korean women. Thanks in advance!! Sales Page "Want to have beautiful Korean women in your life? Want to know how to attract them and bring them into YOUR world?" Hi, HaveFaith here. I'll admit it. I'm a gamer. No, not a sports gamer or anything of the like, but I love playing online computer games. Unfortunately, gaming wasn't a great way for me to meet women. Can you relate to me here? I was constantly frustrated, to the point where I said "to hell with this!" and decided to go out. Nothing fancy, just going out for a walk. The good thing, I found, of taking small action, is that it opened the doors for me to do more. Eventually, I took the big step and decided to go for the women I loved the most: Korean women. To vowed to learn the methods on how to make myself a man who can attract those women as I set out to Korea's big city:Seoul. I'll be honest, for the first three months I didn't get as much as a kiss from anyone, much less a woman. I did, on the other hand, learn a lot about what doesn't work with respect to Korean women, so that you don't have to go through that gut-wrenching process! I've then took action to learn from men who were naturally good with women here, and who have taught me a great deal about Korean culture , and some easy language that will help you. I've also spent time with some of the best seducers in Asia who are mentioned in Neil Strauss' Bestselling book: The Game. The end result? I found what works. I wont lie to you. I worked hard. Real hard. I alienated my friends, and even my co-workers as my main focus was on how to attract and build relationships with Korean women. Now, you'll receive the fruits of my labor: my e-book "A beginners guide to attracting and building relationships with Korean women" This is a 50+ page e-book designed to help you attract the Korean women you want that will not only help you deal with Korean culture and language barriers, but will also teach you how to set yourself up to attract the women YOU want both physically and mentally. The e-book starts out with explaining certain truths you need to know both about women and Korea, then goes into a step-by-step plan that will IMMEDIATELY increase your chances of attracting the women you want BEFORE you even meet them. Then you will learn on how to meet them, as well as being able to set up a date that YOU control, but you'll also learn on where to take it from there. This e-book, which has a value of $50 and took me both time AND money to educate myself, not to mention the frustrating pain that the process has put on me, to noe provide you with the information, which will be yours for only $19.99. You'll receive the e-book instantly via email as soon as the payment is completed. from Blabla@gmail.com. The book will be in a PDF file for your convenience. For you to be able read it, if you can't already, simply download "Adobe Reader free "at Adobe - Adobe Reader Download - All versions (for mac) or Adobe - Adobe Reader : For Windows (for pc) If you order now, you'll also receive another 52 page e-book FREE that will teach you how to set up dates in Asia so that you can GENUINELY impress both your date AND yourself, and help make the relationship more intimate for the both of you.

08-31-2008, 10:45 AM	#2
dorothydot Selling with Stories War Room Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Southern Maryland Posts: 497 Thanks: 289 Thanked 120 Times in 102 Posts	Re: As promised, my 1st sales letter draft Hi, Here are a few thoughts. First, though, I want to congratulate you for taking the plunge and crafting your first - of many, I hope! - sales letter. This will be the biggest learning tool by far for you. Please take my comments as my efforts to help you along the path of becoming a great copywriter. I mean to help, not hurt you. That said, my biggest overall critique is... you need to use that most-important-copywriter-magic-word of all much, MUCH more frequently: "you". It's about the reader, the prospect - not HaveFaith. This is a vital lesson. You must engage your readers. They are interested in themselves, not you. Use words and phrases that they would use. Use images and emotions that they would react to. Use proof of your expertise in this area that they would believe in. All the rest of your letter needs to be reworked to reflect this. And remember... people make the decision to buy based on emotions; then they carry out that decision to buy based on rational data. Again, my deepest congratulations on taking the plunge and simply putting pen to paper and writing your first sales letter. You've already conquered the biggest obstacle of all! Keep writing, keep practicing and keep posting! Sincerely, Dot
	"Sell the Magic of A Dream" www.DP-Copywriting-Service.com

09-01-2008, 02:42 AM	#3
HaveFaith Warrior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: , , . Posts: 28 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post Social Networking Contact Info	Re: As promised, my 1st sales letter draft Dot, thank you very much for your advice. I'm going to revise my sales letter, and have re-post it here. Let me see if I can also have a decent header and sales page so that more people can reply to my thread lol. Thanks again Dot. You gave me exactly what I needed. HaveFaith