They laughed when I sat down to do my own copy... for good reason?

[tomcam]

Been studying IM seriously for 5 months, so when my product was complete I thought writing my own copy would be a cakewalk. And boy, was I right! Not. Please take a look at this copy, because it's probably in need of remedial help. It has no testimonials because I hope to pick them up via a WSO once the copy has been scrutinized by you folks.

Thanks for taking the time.

Cheers,

TC

[John_S]

I think you've done okay with the copy so far. While I haven't studied the copy as well as I might, the thing which sticks out is sentence length. See if you can use shorter sentences and paragraphs.

You might do well to show a screen shot of standard markup versus the Wordpress editor.

Some of the features aren't well translated into benefits. For example, themes and plugins. Much, if not most, of CMS plugins are worthless or worse. Having a thousand plugins to choose from -- no matter how easy to install -- is still a chore.

Do the heavy lifting "We sorted through 1732 Worpress plugins to find the 22 that every marketer should know about." Then detail some of the more noteworthy in bullets.

[DougBarger]

Hi Tom,

Good news.
I've got two suggestions here to make that if you apply them, I'm quite sure your sales will improve dramatically if you'd like to test it.

Where you currently have your logo graphic and tagline above your headline,
if you'll test replacing that with your headline there instead and then putting
your graphic where you introduce your product as the solution to the problem in your copy.

Instead of just giving you that suggestion to test to improve your sales conversion rate without telling you why the sales increased,

I'll explain why making that move will increase your sales too.

The top of your webpage there on your site, is really the 'prime real estate'
of your site.

That's to say it's located where your visitor looks first.


That's precisely where and why you want your headline to be.

To be right there to grab your visitor's attention immediately when they first
visit your site...

-and to draw them into reading the rest of your copy and offer.

That is what will engage your reader into reading your offer, being reminded
of their problem when reading your story and then

if you still want to use your graphic, you should place it where you
present the solution to their problem.

This accomplishes linking the solution to their problem directly to the purchase
of your product.

So for a quick recap:

*Put your headline first there in that 'above the fold' area at the top of your website and remove your graphics
*Use your product graphic later and further down in your copy where you introduce it as the solution.

*Would love to hear your results after testing with those suggested changes.

Best wishes,
Doug

[tomcam]

@John_S: Agreed with everything. Long sentence--doh! Plugins: I only go into a few plugins in depth, but the approach was what you recommended: I did indeed sift through the crap to find the best ones, and there were some surprises in what I learned. My future products are based on in-depth use of such plugins. I am slightly embarrassed I did not explain the benefits of plugins & themes well.

@DougBarger: Amazing how I missed both points. I do not use the above the fold space effectively. Thank you so much. I will make the changes, though it's an interesting issue: should I make them now (the site went live yesterday & hasn't made any sales) or later (as a sort of crude AB test)?

Thanks to both of you.

[DougBarger]

Originally Posted by tomcam

@John_S: Agreed with everything. Long sentence--doh! Plugins: I only go into a few plugins in depth, but the approach was what you recommended: I did indeed sift through the crap to find the best ones, and there were some surprises in what I learned. My future products are based on in-depth use of such plugins. I am slightly embarrassed I did not explain the benefits of plugins & themes well.

@DougBarger: Amazing how I missed both points. I do not use the above the fold space effectively. Thank you so much. I will make the changes, though it's an interesting issue: should I make them now (the site went live yesterday & hasn't made any sales) or later (as a sort of crude AB test)?

Thanks to both of you.

Hi Tom, You will want to implement asap. Trust me now and thank me later (once you see the results! )

[tomcam]

@DougBarger, implemented per your instructions. Thank you.

[Yacko]

I'm still VERY unclear and unsure about what you are offering.
In addition to this, try adding two teaspoons of empathy & believability.

Your copy itself is excellent, you've clearly got a nice conversational tone to it. I just don't think it's structured properly... It's all over the place.

And also, I agree with that dude who said that the sentences are too long. Why don't you find a competitor who is doing well in your niche, and get a pen and some paper, and write out his copy until you feel the need to stop. You will develop a comprehensive language, and you will know what we're talking about.

I'm going to reiterate what I've mentioned to countless numbers of people,
Follow A Formula;

Problem -> Agitate -> Solve

Who I am, Here's what I got, Here's what it'll do for you, Here's what I want you to do next.

And for cryin' out load, ADD SOME TESTIMONIALS

The headline also needs to be longer...

[tomcam]

@Yacko, thank you. It does ramble, and I'm irritated at myself that it doesn't explain well what the product is. Back to the drawing board.

Reason for no testimonials: it's a new product & am in the process of collecting them.

[Daniel Scott]

First of all, your tone is good and you can string a sentence together. A good start.

Regarding your copy, the biggest problem I have with it to begin with is that it doesn't have a logical structure.

When I write copy, the first thing I do is to lay it all out on paper (or usually on my computer screen). I write down each general "idea" I'm going to cover and how they flow together. I make notes on how I'm going to introduce the offer, my bullet points, my testimonials, my credibility, my guarantee... whatever.

Then I go through and write the thing. It doesn't have to be perfect, more like a skeletal draft.

Then I go through it AGAIN (usually two or three times over) tweaking it, sharpening it, cutting out unnecessary verbiage, etc - basically, making it razor sharp.

Also, you have paragraphs that are WAY too long. It's intimidating. Put in short, one line paragraphs. Make it look easy to read.

If you want some ideas check out Vin's page at Expert Copywriter | Marketing Consultant | Top Copywriter | Marketing Strategist | Direct Response Ad | Top Gun Copywriter | Top Gun Copy | High Response Ads - Vin writes amazing copy and that page is ultra-sexy IMHO. Pay attention to how everything flows, evokes powerful emotions, and is pleasing to the eye in an "overall" sense.

Kind regards,

-Dan

[tf8252]

Headline:
1) Font is good...keep it and the color
2) Starting a headline with "I" is bad...your prospect doesn't care about "You" they
care about "themselves"...change it.
3) Use the word "simple" rather than "little"
3) The subhead is confusing...change it or remove it.

Open:

Paragraphs are WAY too long. Make your paragraphs one or two sentences.
Make your sentences as short as possible by removing unnecessary words.

Graphics:
Change the BuyNow button color to orange/red

Hope this helps a bit.