Please "Trash" My Website!!! Thank You!

[JeffMitchell]

Hey guys, i know that you see this same posting over and over....sorry. But I look to other professionals in the industry for their opinion. So here I am. I don't take any offense, i am not a designer by NO means. This pages is converting at about 6.5%, but i know that i can move it above 11% with some work.

Shoot me some advice what you see, what you don't see, what can be improved...etc.

Here is the link. (this is not a self-promotion, i am seriously seeking advice)

Bringing Leadership To Your Living Room

Thanks Guys,

Jeff Mitchell

[Loren Woirhaye]

It's kinda generic isn't it?

I mean for a "more leads, more traffic, stop sucking at mlm" sort
of thing.

You've rolled out all the standard buzzwords but I personally
see no hint of an original voice here, even though it's a
competent recycling of the sort of pitch typified by Magnetic
Sponsoring and other similar offers.

Your headline font-choice is awkward - and as is common you've
tried to cram a mouthful into one sentence. If you walked up
to people on the street and said your headline they would run
away.

I'm not arguing that all headlines need to be colloquial, just
that they are an introduction to YOU, the communicator
and some long headlines can come across like a guy desperate
for a date blurting out his virtues.

The headline does need to allude to or outright state a major
benefit - the subtlety comes into play when you start to grasp
that metaphor and idiom play a roll in how that benefit
can be compressed.

Basically, your headline states a benefit with several modifiers
attached and it is those modifiers which both specify WHO it
is for and WHY they should read, but at the same time weaken
your claim. It's an edge you need to figure-out as a copywriter
for your own stuff. It is not always easy to write for yourself.

Try to put some panache into your writing. Read some detective
fiction of something energetic to get the juices flowing.... the
rhythm makes stuff fun to read... and people respond to it.

[Alex Cohen]

Jeff,

6.5% is not a very good conversion rate for an opt-in page. What is your source of traffic? If PPC, you should be getting between 15% - 30%. If articles, 30% or more.

Pretty good headline. I like how it uses the power of 3s.

The picture is a problem. It's a guy with a smile on his face. (I assume you.) Why is it there? What's the point? At the very least, it should have a caption.

The bullets are okay.

The opt-in part of the page should state what they get for opting in. Do they get a special report? A mp3? What?

Alex

[freefor15.com]

It is really generic it seems like it is not very convincing I have seen many of these so I am a little used to the whle more sales more leads etc

it is not horrible but it does need some more eye catching words and a little mre personality the picture is good but if you have your picture it should explain why you put your picture there like hi my name is I have gone from -$ a month to making $ xxx or some other story that will give them inspiration from your picture being there

and give them some examples of others success or a hint of a scret system or tactic you use etc

[Daniel Scott]

Loren makes some good points.

I think the major problem here is that your copy needs a whole lot of tweaking. The basic ideas are there, it's just not tight enough... and copy needs to be tight as hell on a squeeze page.

The other problem that Loren mentioned is that whilst you kind of seem to be using the right words, it's obvious that's all you're doing - using words and phrases. The copy doesn't have that "special something" where someone has slaved over it and created something that really pops.

Also, I think your layout is KILLING your response. Try fitting it all above the fold ESPECIALLY your sign up box - I wouldn't be surprised if that alone tripled conversions.

Kind regards,

-Dan

[Jon Steel]

Jeff,

You have got to turbo charge your headline and energize those bullets. By the way, your first bullet is VERY long. That is a lot of meat for your prospects to chew on. I would shorten them and make them more powerful.

Maybe this will help - the 2 biggest things I learned in writing are:

1) People act out of emotion and justify with logic (i'm sure this isn't new to you).

2) People read in images. So if you can present power words that will help your prospects visualize what you are saying...this page will take you a lot farther. And always remember, NO word anyone could ever write is more powerful than your prospect imagining it in there own mind. What do I mean by this? Saying something that goes like this:

"Just Imagine..." - because it forces them to fill in the blanks. Ensure the statement is open ended. Here is an example:

"Just Imagine waking up with 2 fancy sports cars in your garage" - sure, I provide you with the underlying concept, but your mind fills in all the details.

Its a simple element of consumer psychology - have fun with it...

Be careful with it though - its powerful...

JS

[Loren Woirhaye]

I read the comments here and they bring up some good
points.

1. opt-in form above the fold - recently I've been using
a little GIF arrow pointing at it but any arrow I like - also
I like a badge that says "Free Report" or whatever - make
it look like a cereal box prize

2. You can BOLD key phrases you want to emphasize -
I'm not crazy about your body font here, but it's not so
much that the font is bad as you haven't done an
intriguing layout so it looks bland.

3. I forget sometimes, but one of the immutable laws
of advertising is that a picture should have a caption
under it. ie. "Jeff Mitchell will show YOU how to make
fistfuls of money" (corny, don't use that!)

4. I recommend you learn how to use HTML tables -
it's easier in some editors than others - but they are
useful because they let you put your picture in the
corner and flow text around it, concentrating your
content "above the fold".

[aj113]

Frankly it sucks Jeff. A ten-year-old kid with a free dtp app could have knocked that up in 10 minutes. (Actual copy excepting). It looks rushed, basic, unconvincing and unprofessional. Plus the second word on the page is spelled incorrectly - not a good start.

If you want to know what to do to improve it, visit some sales pages, pick out the one that you think looks the most professional and then copy it. (Except for the copy of course).

3/10 - must try harder.

[David Raybould]

Hey Jeff...

Try this...

1- Cut the copy down to 3-5 exciting bullets

2- Put the opt in on the right hand side.

3- Put the bullets on the left.

4- Make sure there's no scrolling needed.

Et voila! Instant conversion improvment.

Good luck.

-David Raybould

[BillOliver]

Apart from what others say, try and replace general numbers (eg Massive, Endless, More .... and the list goes on) with ULTRA-SPECIFIC numbers.

Bill

[JeffMitchell]

THANK YOU guys, that is exactly what i needed to hear, every single response will get me that much closer to my goal. You guys are awesome and now it is time for me to get to work.

Ill be back soon with some improvements.

Thanks again.

Jeff Mitchell

[Jerry Reeder]

I like this thread. Its full of great advice.

Detective novels - awesome - thanks Loren. I studied
some Stephen King essays on using punctuation to
raise/lower hearts beats and breathing

Alex, who cares about the conversion rate. It's the cost
of leads versus the value of the leads that counts

I have picked 19 up leads on a 1000 page views in traffic
exchanges. Sure, it may sound crappy but I bought 3000
page views for $17.97

That's 14 cents per lead

And David is right about the bullets and the layout

I suggest specific numbers in your bullets and
in your headline.

The pic is good but it is the wrong place. Nobody
cares about you. They care about what you can
do for them

[Daniel Scott]

Originally Posted by Jerry Reeder

Alex, who cares about the conversion rate. It's the cost
of leads versus the value of the leads that counts

I have picked 19 up leads on a 1000 page views in traffic
exchanges. Sure, it may sound crappy but I bought 3000
page views for $17.97

That's 14 cents per lead

So you're saying it doesn't matter what the traffic does, it's how many hits you get to your site?

Visitor value is what matters. How much each visitor makes you.

Conversion rate is an important part of that... increase your CR, increase your visitor value.

How many "leads" you get doesn't mean squat - what matters is how much money those leads make you.

-Dan

[Jerry Reeder]

Originally Posted by Daniel Scott

So you're saying it doesn't matter what the traffic does, it's how many hits you get to your site?

Visitor value is what matters. How much each visitor makes you.

Conversion rate is an important part of that... increase your CR, increase your visitor value.

How many "leads" you get doesn't mean squat - what matters is how much money those leads make you.

-Dan

True - that's why I said its the cost per lead
versus the value of the leads.

And it's really easy to turn a profit with ads
on thank you pages and download pages as
well as the initial email series.

The best ads I found to run are free offers
your ideal prospect also desperately wants
using the Butterfly Marketing Model.

[Alex Cohen]

Originally Posted by Jerry Reeder

Alex, who cares about the conversion rate. It's the cost
of leads versus the value of the leads that counts

The conversion rate is something anybody who pays for traffic should care about. Why wouldn't a marketer try to get double or even triple the leads for the same cost?

Alex

[Jerry Reeder]

Originally Posted by alexcoh

The conversion rate is something anybody who pays for traffic should care about. Why wouldn't a marketer try to get double or even triple the leads for the same cost?

Alex

Conversion rates are important. That's why you
test, track and tweak but eventually you should
be making enough money from one site on
complete and total autopilot. Start another site
and do the same thing

After all, no site will be perfect

[Jerry Reeder]

Anyway, let's get back to Jeff's site, shall we?

Frankly, Jeff, your second page is worse.

I could detail all the problems like why nobody
cares how many books you read. They only care
about what you can do for them. And the headline
leaves a lot to be desired.

But what's the point?

You are redirecting people to an affiliate site. How
are we supposed to pull benefits out features when
you do that?

Loren mentioned Magnetic Sponsoring. Part of
Magnetic Sponsoring is getting people to see
you as an expert who can help them make a killing
with MLM.

And to do that you need your own BAIT.

Don't worry about creating BAIT. You can use
emails from affiliate programs that fit a theme
and package those an e-course or use Private
Label Rights products as BAIT

IT DOESN'T MATTER

What matters is if the BAIT targets the right
people and those people want the your BAIT

Once they take the BAIT and hit your thank
you page - then you can advertise whatever BAIT
the affiliate program is using as a BONUS

People will join

When they hit the download page to get your
BAIT, after they confirm, you can advertise
the the affiliate program's BAIT again

Some more people will join

Advertise the program along with other programs
in your initial email series and you will set up
multiple streams of income even if they didn't
join the main program

My suggestion is; trash the second page and rework
the first page to sell your BAIT

[aj113]

Originally Posted by Jerry Reeder

Anyway, let's get back to Jeff's site, shall we?

Frankly, Jeff, your second page is worse.

I could detail all the problems like why nobody
cares how many books you read. They only care
about what you can do for them. And the headline
leaves a lot to be desired.

But what's the point?

You are redirecting people to an affiliate site. How
are we supposed to pull benefits out features when
you do that?

Loren mentioned Magnetic Sponsoring. Part of
Magnetic Sponsoring is getting people to see
you as an expert who can help them make a killing
with MLM.

And to do that you need your own BAIT.

Don't worry about creating BAIT. You can use
emails from affiliate programs that fit a theme
and package those an e-course or use Private
Label Rights products as BAIT

IT DOESN'T MATTER

What matters is if the BAIT targets the right
people and those people want the your BAIT

Once they take the BAIT and hit your thank
you page - then you can advertise whatever BAIT
the affiliate program is using as a BONUS

People will join

When they hit the download page to get your
BAIT, after they confirm, you can advertise
the the affiliate program's BAIT again

Some more people will join

Advertise the program along with other programs
in your initial email series and you will set up
multiple streams of income even if they didn't
join the main program

My suggestion is; trash the second page and rework
the first page to sell your BAIT

Man that's a a boatload of incomprehensible bull****. If you want to help the guy at least post in terms that can be understood.

[Jon Steel]

I think your updated site is better than the other one - but the video can be more powerful. I feel your video currently isn't speaking directly TO the reader. This kills the "personalization" that you want. Maybe a script would help. It sounded like you were rambling...

also - in your copy you say "I've have" - just something to fix...

[Jerry Reeder]

Originally Posted by aj113

Man that's a a boatload of incomprehensible bull****. If you want to help the guy at least post in terms that can be understood.

The second page sucks. It offers no reason to subscribe. All he promises is to
take you another report. Like I said all he did was study marketing.
WHO CARES?

His freaking plan is flawed to begin with. The plan needs to be changed but
I am done with you guys for the time being.

I have sold more than $3,000,000 worth advertising; wrote the copy for
a membership sites with 35,000 members wanting to promote business
opportunities and IM affiliate programs so maybe I know what I am
taking about. Do you?

[Johnny12345]

Originally Posted by Loren Woirhaye

1. opt-in form above the fold - recently I've been using
a little GIF arrow pointing at it but any arrow I like - also
I like a badge that says "Free Report" or whatever - make
it look like a cereal box prize

Darn it, Loren!

I almost spit carrot juice all over my LCD monitor when I read your post! LOL!

But your advice is excellent -- suitable for solving almost any copywriting problem: make it look like a cereal box prize!

Oh, and if that fails, wear funny hats.

Either one of those tips virtually guarantees success!

Johnny

[Johnny12345]

Originally Posted by David Raybould

Hey Jeff...

Try this...

1- Cut the copy down to 3-5 exciting bullets

2- Put the opt in on the right hand side.

3- Put the bullets on the left.

4- Make sure there's no scrolling needed.

Et voila! Instant conversion improvment.

Good luck.

-David Raybould

David's advice (above) is excellent, too. Although, he completely overlooked Loren's cereal box prize concept.

See... no one has all the answers.

Johnny

[Loren Woirhaye]

I hope my meaning was taken clearly about the cereal-prize:

If you have something you are giving away for free make a big
deal about it. Song and dance. Rah -rah. Cereal boxes have
been tested for a long time to just get attention and get action
from little kids operating from the chimpanzee brain.

It may seem silly, but in today's marketplace even your free
info-goodie needs as much juice as you can give it to get
maximum results.

[Johnny12345]

Loren,

Yes, I understood your meaning... but it was still humorous.

Actually, it brought to mind Seth Godin's book, Free Prize Inside. It's a great book.

Johnny