I don't Do Replicated Websites I Designed My Own Please Dump It!

[PeterBenson]

As a matter of fact I am an associate of a business model promoting mail order/direct marketing with a system so called 1-2-3 Power System. When I signed up as an associate with this business, I purchased a replicated marketing website which for some reasons I did not feel very comfortable promoting for some various reasons. My domain name for the replicated website is offlinemillionaire dot com. So I went ahead and designed my own website earnmillionsoffline dot com. Before I start promoting this website could some kind warriors criticize my sales copy, and please tell me on a scale from 1 to 10 one being the best which category my website falls.

Peter Benson

[John_S]

Being the charitable guy I am, the rating is three out of a possible ten.

The reason is simple. You go out of your way saying you are not going to do a variety of things the hucksters do -- then you go out an do every last one.

Seriously. You write you will not say what it's not. Then you immediately say what it's not.

What. The. Heck.

You've lost every last crumb of possible credibility ...that even the hucksters manage to cling to. This letter compels me to repeat Buy My Stupid eBook is not a template - it's a joke.

[Daniel Scott]

The funny thing is that you're not actually that bad a writer.

But your website is a definite "1".

For a start, it's so hype-tastic it's incredible. Pictures of sacks of money and hundred dollar bills? $30 000 a month? A header with expensive cars and tropical trees?

WHO THE HELL WOULD BELIEVE THIS CRAP?

As I said, the actual writing is okay. Sentences are painfully long and confusing, but you have a fairly good "tone".

I think you need to shred all the hype and bull**** out of your letter... communicate with your prospects in a real, honest way - the way you tell them you're going to do.

If you tear out all this... you'll probably be left with about twenty words, so then you can start writing again without all the bull****.

-Dan

[Alexa Smith]

Originally Posted by Daniel Scott

WHO THE HELL WOULD BELIEVE THIS CRAP?

In a funny kind of way, Peter has a point in designing the website that way. Because the people who would believe that crap are the only ones who are going to join a "business opportunity" of that nature.

I mean it seriously - not trying to be sarcastic or agumentative, here.

Opportunities like this come and go, and go, and go, and go, and go. The sole function of the company's $200 "product" is to tell you how to make money by promoting the "business opportunity". It's just a book and a CD for $200, and there's no possibility of any genuine retail customers anyway - just people "joining the business".

It should surprise nobody to know that such "opportunities" tend not to last for too long, and the people who join them are almost invariably the ones who don't take any legal advice, don't do due diligence and so on. These are also exactly the ones who can be attracted by a website of the type Peter has designed. So he's actually right, guys.

If you tear out all this... you'll probably be left with about twenty words, so then you can start writing again without all the bull****.

He would lose his market, this way. With respect (and I mean that - not saying it just to avoid the appearance of being argumentative), this is simply not the type of "opportunity" for which your normal criteria would apply - it really isn't. In some business opportunity and network marketing forums, links to and mentions of this "1-2-3 Power system" have already been banned and are deleted on sight, because they don't want anyone imagining that they're complicit in its being promoted.

But it certainly can't be productively promoted without the bull****!

[John_S]

this is simply not the type of "opportunity" for which your normal criteria would apply

You have a point. Unless the writer has gone out of his way to say he's not going to do that, and instead writes "...unlike every other blind offer out there which purposely fails to tell you what the off IS (because it doesn't work) or only mentions what it is NOT (because you would laugh if you knew) I will expose everything I know ...nothing will be hidden from you."

Then it departs from all those other letters. And when you say you're going to do something in the course of a letter, and then don't do it, that's a mistake. Even given the hype may work for the other letters -- you have singled yourself out and telegraphed you are not going to write that kind of letter.

If you are saying what it is not means the product doesn't work -- then YOU say what it is not -- you're essentially saying what you sell doesn't work.

You can't have that inconsistency in copy and expect a good response. Others may use hype, but they never tell you they won't beforehand.

[Daniel Scott]

Alexa,

Thanks for your reply.

I admit (as is obvious, no doubt) that I didn't research the product. From what you've mentioned it sounds pretty shady (heck, if it gets banned in MLM forums it has to be pretty bad!), but I still wonder if response wouldn't be greater if it was "toned down" a little.

At its heart, this opportunity centres on what everyone wants - freedom, security, money, power... all that good stuff. Which means that I believe that the "standard" criteria would still improve response. Could be wrong though.

In the site in his sig Peter says he makes at least $300 000 a year ("more than the average worker makes in a year in a month") so either he's lying... in which case he better have a damn good liar... or this opportunity is actually making him some decent money.

Either way, I would imagine making the prospect feel the pain of their current situation... offering them hope... showing proof/credibility... testimonials... standard direct response stuff... well, I imagine that would convert a lot better than a letter filled with unbelievable hype and false promises.

And ultimately how good the product is has little to do with the copy... except the legal aspect of making claims. It impacts on other stuff like customer satisfaction , refund requests, being investigated by the FTC and whatever... but copy-wise? You're really just presenting an offer... the customer doesn't know how good or bad the product is until they actually get it.

I could definitely be wrong though - there's a first time for everything, right? :P

Seriously though, you seem like a very intelligent young woman so I would be interested in continuing this discussion. One of the things I love about this forum is that it always helps me expand my mind and my understanding of things... which is great.

Kind regards,

-Dan

[Ben Rudge]

I can't believe we're even here commenting on this guys post...! It's clearly spam. He's asked us to "criticize" his stuff but his motive is obviously to get us to read his sales pitch and hope we'll buy his product.

Ben

P.S. Why ask people to "criticize" you anyway? Don't you mean critique? Those are two very different words.

[Alexa Smith]

Originally Posted by Daniel Scott

if it gets banned in MLM forums it has to be pretty bad!

This economy's produced a lot of scams and glorified "cash-gifting" schemes, for all the people clutching at straws, and some forums are now starting to clamp down on them. But it can be difficult for people to differentiate between something that has a real product and something that has a "product" of which the sole purpose is to promote the business. For this reason, regulators and courts are increasingly using the "retail sales test" to determine whether or not an opportunity is legitimate MLM or an illegal pyramid. (Interesting article here written by a friend of mine.) If real customers are buying the product without joining the business "opportunity", i.e. they're buying it for its own value rather than solely as a way of acquiring the right to sell it to others, that's one thing; but "companies" like this 1-2-3 Power Thing don't harbour any illusions of making genuine retail sales of their "product", so their lifespan is obviously limited. They can flourish offline sometimes even for many years (depending on the number of complaints, how quick/slow legal authorities are to act over them, and so on). It's normally the "move to the internet" and the publicity and evidence thereby entailed that sees their demise.

Originally Posted by Daniel Scott

you seem like a very intelligent young woman so I would be interested in continuing this discussion.

Nah ... most flattering, but I just do a good bluff. (Some people call it "copywriting"! )

[Jon Steel]

On a side note, why are there so many different shades of purple all over your website to include you and your suite? Is that just your style or has there been a market study on this color?

[PeterBenson]

Originally Posted by Ben Rudge

I can't believe we're even here commenting on this guys post...! It's clearly spam. He's asked us to "criticize" his stuff but his motive is obviously to get us to read his sales pitch and hope we'll buy his product.

Ben

P.S. Why ask people to "criticize" you anyway? Don't you mean critique? Those are two very different words.

Thanks for all your input, I will revise my website accordingly. By the way this is not my product (it's sold by many other marketers) I mentioned in my thread that I am an affiliate for 123 P/system with a replicated website like any other associate but I am trying to develop my own sales copy. I am genuinely seeking help. So if you missed the point remember 'Everybody is not a spammer'

Peter Benson

[Alexa Smith]

Originally Posted by PeterBenson

By the way this is not my product

We know this, Peter.

If you'll excuse the observation, the legal problem is that it isn't actually a "product" at all in the sense that a court, regulator or prosecutor can see evidence of retail sales which might prevent it from being determined to be an illegal pyramid. The only people you can sell it to are people joining the business opportunity, in other words what they're really paying for is just the right to sell it to others. That isn't legal. Legal authority and references available here and here and in many other places. With respect, I think you'd be very well advised to get some proper legal advice before continuing further with this "project"!