Free Headline Rewriting

[Chris Ramsey]

Work's been a bit slow lately, so I figured I'd throw my hand in at helping a few people who can't afford a copywriter.

Post your headlines for your landing pages, sales copy, or email subjects and I'll see about improving them so you get a higher retention rate.

Post 'em!

[Intrepreneur]

Here...

TD { FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Black } Are You Sick Trying to Maintain A Fast, Long Living, Repair Free PC?

Now You Can Speed Up Your PC for Good Within the Next 45 Mintues...

[Chris Ramsey]

Originally Posted by Intrepreneur

Here...
Are You Sick Trying to Maintain A Fast, Long Living, Repair Free PC?

Now You Can Speed Up Your PC for Good Within the Next 45 Mintues...

Discover How You Can Get Blazing Speed Out Of Any Computer... No Matter The Age!

Supercharge Your PC In Less Than An Hour!

How To Speed Up Your PC: The End Of The Line In Registry Cleaners

Product Name Is The Last Registry Cleaner You'll Ever Need To Buy!

Permanently Accelerate Your Computer By Up To 150%!

Does Your Computer Run Too Slow? Speed Up Your PC By The #1 Recommended Registry Cleaner!

These should get you off to a good start.

[julesbrad]

Only just launched, so do not actually know how the current headline works at this stage but always happy for help and advice

"Give Me Just 1 Hour And I Will Give You The Muscular Toned Body You Have Always Wanted !"

[Fabian Fuller]

TD { FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Black } "Once People Discover This Easy Yet Powerful New Way to Quickly Compile Their Growing Collections of eBooks and more, They'll Probably Wonder How They Ever Got Along Without It"

[Chris Ramsey]

Originally Posted by julesbrad

Only just launched, so do not actually know how the current headline works at this stage but always happy for help and advice

"Give Me Just 1 Hour And I Will Give You The Muscular Toned Body You Have Always Wanted !"

Discover What Personal Trainers Will Never Tell You About Exploding Your Muscle Mass In Just Hours Instead Of Weeks!

Hundreds have exploded their muscle mass this week using Product Name. Will you be the next?

Do You Want The Secret To Bulging Biceps and Perfect Pecks?

When The Pro's Want To Gain Muscle Mass, This Is What They Do

Guaranteed To Visibly Build Your Muscle Mass In The Next 30 Days... Or I'll BUY You My Competition's Product!

[Chris Ramsey]

Originally Posted by Fabian Fuller

"Once People Discover This Easy Yet Powerful New Way to Quickly Compile Their Growing Collections of eBooks and more, They'll Probably Wonder How They Ever Got Along Without It"

Keep Your eBooks, Reports, and White Papers In Order! Stop Searching For Hours To Find That One PDF!

Stop Losing Your Favorite eBooks - Keep Them In Order Without Spending Hours Organizing Your Folders!

Find Exactly The eBook You're Looking For Right When You Want It!

This was a bit harder to do. I'm not sure how huge of a market there is for something like this. I'd be interested to find out.

[maco]

Hi Scheda,
Please revrite the hedline of my sqeeze page, please click on my signature.

Thanks,
Maco

[Chris Ramsey]

Originally Posted by maco

Discover Our 10 Unbeatable Methods For Becoming An Irresistible Friends Magnet.
Warning: You May Have To Get Bigger Patio For This Summer's Parties!

Discover How I Went From A Low-Rent Loser To The Guy Who Throws The Best Parties In Town!

Are You Looking To Make REAL Friends?

Introducing Ten Simple Steps To Acing Any Social Situation And Making Friends Along The Way!

Do You Make Any Of These 10 Friendship-Killing Mistakes?

[ccIowa]

Wow, you are good.

How about this one...

Why Play the Sales Numbers Game

... when you can take the guess work out of increasing sales

... and make it easy to sell your stuff

[Chris Ramsey]

Originally Posted by ccIowa

Wow, you are good.

How about this one...

Why Play the Sales Numbers Game

... when you can take the guess work out of increasing sales

... and make it easy to sell your stuff

How To Spend Less Time Making Sales And More Time Relaxing!

No More Hour-Long Sales Calls For Me - Yet I'm Selling More Product That Ever!

What Everyone Should Know About The 1-Hour Sales Process!

Four Types Of Salesmen - Which One Are You?

How You Can Make A Fortune By Selling Less!

[Chris Ramsey]

Originally Posted by Jon Steel

Market: Marketing, Advertising, and Copywriting People interested in how consumer psychology is used by experts...

"Give Me 5 Minutes and I'll Tell You about 11 Powerful Mind Control Tactics that Leave Prospects Begging to Buy from You"

Discover In The Next 4 Minutes and 37 Seconds How You Can Control Your Prospects Mind And Leave Them BEGGING To Buy From You! (Minor edit, but I like it)

Discover 11 Foolproof Mind-Control Techniques Discovered By Harvard Professors (If True) That Will Have Your Prospects Eating Out Of The Palm Of Your Hand!

How To Seduce Your Prospects And Explode Your Sales... The Easy Way!

The Secret To Quick And Easy Prospect Seduction

Why Other Salesmen Kick Your Ass At Conversions... And What You Can Do About It!

[brooks28]

"Discover The Secrets Of How a 28 Yr Old Ex Construction Worker Went From Zero To Hero By Earning More Than $3,287 From One Single Email Sent To His Super Responsive Mailing List!"

[Chris Ramsey]

Originally Posted by brooks28

"Discover The Secrets Of How a 28 Yr Old Ex Construction Worker Went From Zero To Hero By Earning More Than $3,287 From One Single Email Sent To His Super Responsive Mailing List!"

Discover How One Email Grossed Over $3,287 In 24 Hours!

I Made $3,287 From One Email... Wanna Learn How?

Do You Have An Email List And STILL Not Making Money? See How I Made $3,287 From One Simple Email!

How I Made $3,000+ From Just One Email... And How You Can Too!

Are You Making This One Critical Mistake With Your Newsletter Subscribers?

Why Most People Fail At Email Marketing

When The Guru's Send Out Emails, This Is What They Do

[Chris Ramsey]

Originally Posted by Onslaught

This is for a residential window cleaning business pushing their offer

"Homeowner Stunned After Getting "New" Windows For $170!"

Discover How One Homeowner Got "New" Windows For Her Entire Home For Less Than $200!

Sparkling "New" Windows At Half The Price Of Our Competitors!

Imagine Your Husband Walking Right Into The Glass Door Without Ever Seeing It... That's What Will Happen When Glass-Cleaners-R-Us Comes To Your Home!

Discover The Secret To Permanently Smudge-Free Windows!

[coog]

here's one I'm working on right now:

Why Should You Have To Work Your Tail End Off To Make Your Ebook Look Great? Just Load Up A Clean, Pre-Formatted Ebook Template And Turn Drab Into Dynamite!

[Steven Fullman]

"This Free Report Can Eliminate Your Crippling Gout Pain In 90 Minutes"

Hey, dude. You're really good.

Care to work your magic on this one?

Cheers,
Steve

[PLRwithAlex]

I have two that I'm working with. Headlines are so important. I'm just starting to split test now. Any help is appreciated:

Current:

Create Your Own Internet Marketing Fortune with INSTANT ACCESS to the HOTTEST Private Label Rights Products on the Web!

Possible:

Top Marketing Gurus and Niche Specialists Have Given Us Instant Access to their Hottest Selling Products So YOU Can Cash In on Them and Keep 100% of the Profits You Make!

Thanks for your help!

Alex

[Daniel Scott]

Whilst these headlines aren't bad... remember that a killer headline often is specific to your product.

Copywriters spend hours upon hours getting into the "head" of your target market, learning your offer from the inside out and crafting a USP and HOOK that drives your customers to buy.

THEN, keeping those things in the front of their mind, they spend hours crafting a KILLER headline.

Some of these headlines are pretty sexy... some perhaps a little too "generic" to have any real impact.

I'm not trying to crap all over what Scheda is doing... but I thought this was a good point to share this little tidbit that I have learned with the rest of you, particularly as some of you mentioned headlines give you trouble.

-Dan

-Dan

[MyOnlineSuccess]

There's some nice headline in there. You definitely have it dude!

Lesson to learn:
Add emotion to your headlines

[Chris Ramsey]

Originally Posted by Daniel Scott

Whilst these headlines aren't bad... remember that a killer headline often is specific to your product.

Copywriters spend hours upon hours getting into the "head" of your target market, learning your offer from the inside out and crafting a USP and HOOK that drives your customers to buy.

THEN, keeping those things in the front of their mind, they spend hours crafting a KILLER headline.

Some of these headlines are pretty sexy... some perhaps a little too "generic" to have any real impact.

I'm not trying to crap all over what Scheda is doing... but I thought this was a good point to share this little tidbit that I have learned with the rest of you, particularly as some of you mentioned headlines give you trouble.

-Dan

-Dan

Daniel is right. While these are good headlines... they're generic. Without getting handsy with a project, a headline can't be written that really pushes the best benefits on the consumer.

[Uncle Dimitry]

Become The Ruler Of Your Own
Cash Producing Blog Empire
With Just A Few Clicks”

[PetraW]

"Discover how to put an end to your frustration and confusion, get focused and start making money from other peoples products"
You can see it live here. I am trying to sell my ebook on creating a niche blog and selling affiliate products on it. Pretty bad headline, huh?

[vinhha]

Hi,

Starting a new online company that provides nightclub flyer designs to club owners or promoters. In the process of hiring someone affordable since this is only me running this site and profit is not expected to be huge. But I like a nice site with copywrite for SEO and customer retention.

Been researching and ran into your offer. So let's do this!

This is what I came up as a header

YOUR EVENTS - OUR DESIGNS - AN AMAZING FLYER!

Can you do better? Check out dilicious dot ca to see a sample of target audience and look of my new site not yet built.

Email me at dvha31 at yahoo dot com with the results if you can.

Thanks a bunch! You rock!

[Chris Ramsey]

Originally Posted by Steven Fullman

"This Free Report Can Eliminate Your Crippling Gout Pain In 90 Minutes"

Hey, dude. You're really good.

Care to work your magic on this one?

Cheers,
Steve

Imagine Your Gout Pain Melting Away In Minutes Instead Of Hours

Getting Rid Of Your Gout Pain Has Never Been Easier!

Crippling Gout Pain? Not Anymore!

Instant Gout Pain Relief

Since this is a huge 'I need relief now' niche, you should be able to put anything promising quick relief up (while reminding them of the excruciating pain they're in) and make it work. These should get you off on the right foot.

[Chris Ramsey]

Originally Posted by PLRwithAlex

Create Your Own Internet Marketing Fortune with INSTANT ACCESS to the HOTTEST Private Label Rights Products on the Web!


Top Marketing Gurus and Niche Specialists Have Given Us Instant Access to their Hottest Selling Products So YOU Can Cash In on Them and Keep 100% of the Profits You Make!

Introducing... The Internet's Hottest Info Products - Now Available As PLR!

Stop Wasting Time Making Your Own Products - Cash In On The Guru's Success!

These PLR's Are So Good That A Top Marketing Guru Threatened To Put Me Out Of Business!

Make Bank By Selling These Pre-Made Unique Information Products!

The Select Few Who've Seen These PLR's Are BEGGING Me For Access

[BenQ]

I want to reverse the line below but can't quite get it right.
"Separate yourself from the 95% of losers, take advantage of my knowledge, and read this report today!"
Instead, I'd like to say something like "separate yourself and join the 5% of winners, etc." but I can't work out a smooth sentence flow. Any help is appreciated.
Maybe this:
"Separate yourself from the losers and join the 5% of winners by taking advantage of my knowledge and reading this report TODAY!"

[askmichaelknowles]

Thank you in advance for helping others.

The site is My PLR Cash Cow Here is our headline:

"Discover How To Create your Own Product Quickly And Make your Online Success Inevitable!"

[Vanquish]

You are really good, can you rewrite mine too please

Learn the secrets of attraction that will show you exactly how to create uncontrollable attraction in any women, so much that she wants to have amazing sex with you despite your looks, age and income.

[PLRwithAlex]

Originally Posted by scheda

Introducing... The Internet's Hottest Info Products - Now Available As PLR!

Stop Wasting Time Making Your Own Products - Cash In On The Guru's Success!

These PLR's Are So Good That A Top Marketing Guru Threatened To Put Me Out Of Business!

Make Bank By Selling These Pre-Made Unique Information Products!

The Select Few Who've Seen These PLR's Are BEGGING Me For Access

Scheda,

Thanks!

Alex

[Chris Ramsey]

Originally Posted by askmichaelknowles

Thank you in advance for helping others.

The site is My PLR Cash Cow Here is our headline:

"Discover How To Create your Own Product Quickly And Make your Online Success Inevitable!"

Discover How The Pro's Create Their Own Successful Products In Just Hours Instead Of Days!

Are you having trouble coming up with product ideas?

Do You Make These 7 Product Creation Mistakes?

Create A Winning Product TONIGHT - Or Your Money Back!

How I Made My Fortune With PLR

[Uncle Dimitry]

Become The Ruler Of Your Own
Cash Producing Blog Empire
With Just A Few Clicks”

[PetraW]

Originally Posted by PetraW

"Discover how to put an end to your frustration and confusion, get focused and start making money from other peoples products"
You can see it live here. I am trying to sell my ebook on creating a niche blog and selling affiliate products on it. Pretty bad headline, huh?

Scheda, will you still get around to this one? You are very good! I would love to know what you can come up with here.

[gjabiz]

Originally Posted by scheda

Work's been a bit slow lately, so I figured I'd throw my hand in at helping a few people who can't afford a copywriter.

Post your headlines for your landing pages, sales copy, or email subjects and I'll see about improving them so you get a higher retention rate.

Post 'em!

Here's one: How to Write Simple Books That People Buy (Headline)
(subhead or prehead): Unknown author collects royalties on simple 160 page book with sales of over 1.8 million copies and retires to 65 acre retreat. Who's next?

Story: blah blah blah

Target market: Writers, ebook writers, book writers.

Thanks so much for your time and energy, it is appreciated.

gjabiz

[AnneE]

Avoid Costly Mistakes and Invest with Confidence - Compare and Contrast Expert Forex Advice

Description... guide contains interviews with five forex trainers/authors about how to spot a scam, how quickly can one learn to trade forex profitably, and other common questions.
The report is NOT an investment advice book to help you place trades, instead it will allow you to steer clear of scams and plan an investment strategy that meets your needs and goals.

A super big thanks for offering this headline rewrite service. I'm impressed with the headlines above. I understand people's points about the very best headlines are written with specific product understanding... but these are pretty damn good and clearly better than a lot of what many of us are using.

And, can we ask for a second headline on another topic?? Or is this one per customer?

[Revolves]

"Host A Party Guests' Will Never Forget!"

I know that headline sucks, but that is what I actually "want to say". But I think I can take your help to spice it up.

Thanks for your time man! This thread has been very educational in a sense.

[Chris Ramsey]

Originally Posted by AnneE

And, can we ask for a second headline on another topic?? Or is this one per customer?

It's first-come-first-serve.

I'm doing this in my spare time and as I've gotten pretty busy since I posted this thread, I'm picking and choosing headlines. So you're welcome to post as many as you like, but I can't guarantee I'll be able to get to each and every one of them.

[lharding]

Originally Posted by scheda

It's first-come-first-serve.

I'm doing this in my spare time and as I've gotten pretty busy since I posted this thread, I'm picking and choosing headlines. So you're welcome to post as many as you like, but I can't guarantee I'll be able to get to each and every one of them.

Hey scheda,

Are you OK with anyone using the headlines you've posted here. With some changes I could use one or two.

Cheers, Lee

[Chris Ramsey]

Originally Posted by lharding

Hey scheda,

Are you OK with anyone using the headlines you've posted here. With some changes I could use one or two.

Cheers, Lee

Yep, go for it. They're free to have.

[Star Riley]

Let our easy blog engine transform your blog headache into blog success over night!

[Mr McDonald]

How To Conquer Your Email List Building

Finally A Breakthrough Proven List Building Idea.

Thanks for any help on these 2 headlines sir.

[Chris Ramsey]

Originally Posted by Mr McDonald

How To Conquer Your Email List Building

Finally A Breakthrough Proven List Building Idea.

Thanks for any help on these 2 headlines sir.

Build Your Lists Quickly & Easily Using This Simple 2-Step Method!

Finally... A Proven Way To Build Your Email List From 0 To 1,243 In Less Than Two Weeks!

Never Worry About Building Your List Again - Turn On The "List Building Autopilot!"

[Chris Ramsey]

Originally Posted by Star Riley

Let our easy blog engine transform your blog headache into blog success over night!

Can you provide a little more info as to what your product is and what it does?

[Chris Ramsey]

Originally Posted by gjabiz

Here's one: How to Write Simple Books That People Buy (Headline)
(subhead or prehead): Unknown author collects royalties on simple 160 page book with sales of over 1.8 million copies and retires to 65 acre retreat. Who's next?

Story: blah blah blah

Target market: Writers, ebook writers, book writers.

Thanks so much for your time and energy, it is appreciated.

gjabiz

Introducing... The Secret To Creating A Best-Selling Book On Your First Shot

Discover How One Formerly Unknown Author Sold 1.8 Million Copies Of His Very First Book!

Are You Writing A Book? Do You Want It To Be A Best Seller? Then You've GOT To Keep Reading!

[ragnartm]

-(Discover How You Can Create Squeeze Pages That Generate Subscribers Like "Magic"!)-
-(Discover How You Can Create Squeeze Pages That Suck In Leads & Buyers Before You Can Say "Profit"! )-
This is for my squeeze page. With the current design,the headline needs to take up at least this much space.
I also have some more humorous ones that I'm testing.

Thanks in advance

[multimastery]

Hey I just want to say you write some great headlines. I can't think of one to submit right now but will revisit this thread if i do.

[barakos9]

Don't Let Disaster Hijack Your Wedding Day
My wedding planner left me twisting in the wind! Don't let it happen to you..

P.S :
I'm getting %95 bounce rate...I guess the header and the sub header are really lousy.

[Mr McDonald]

Hi,

Your headlines have been working great thank you!
If you have some time could you jazz these 2 up for me?

"Here It Is My Massive Birthday Giveaway Has Gone Live"

"Last Few Massive Birthday Giveaway Gifts Are Yours Today"

Regards
Gavin

[BrianMcLeod]

Originally Posted by Mr McDonald

Hi,

Your headlines have been working great thank you!
If you have some time could you jazz these 2 up for me?

"Here It Is My Massive Birthday Giveaway Has Gone Live"

"Last Few Massive Birthday Giveaway Gifts Are Yours Today"

Regards
Gavin

Gavin (and everyone else by proxy),

Here's a novel idea, since his last headlines are "working great" for you...

How about you HIRE Chris?

Worried that you can't afford him? Make him an offer!

The worst that can happen is he can't do it and says, "Sorry, but no thanks..."

On the other hand, you might gain a new business partner with the marketing skill you need to succeed.

At least bring something back to the table for the guy besides an empty plate asking for seconds... Sheesh.

Best,

Brian

[Chris Ramsey]

Hey Brian,

Thanks for the post. I'll gladly have someone else pimping my services

If you're worried about cost, I am open to percentage deals. Just depends on the project, the owner, and a million other things. PM me if you want info.

My internet's been down for the past few days, so I've got a lot of catching up to do. I'll try to find some time to work on some of these headlines.