I guess my first sales page fail

edpudol1973 · 06-16-2009, 07:01 PM

I have launch recently my outsourcing membership site, Instead of paying someone to create the sales page for me I do it my self. I don't have enough budget yet. My site is Lexorsoft.net.

Since I started the site it only get 20 new members. I believe my sales letter is not convincing and more improvement is needed.

For those sales page expert, how much you think I need to pay for a expert to re-write the sales page, so that it make more attractive and all those wrong grammar will be corrected?

Thanks
Ed

Steve Mount · 06-16-2009, 07:07 PM

The page is written in poor english. It's not terrible, but it's enough for me to say... ehh no thanks!

How much you want to spend depends on your budget and how much more money you want to make.

A good copywriter could rewrite your page for $1000 and help you achieve much much more.

Raydal · 06-16-2009, 07:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by edpudol1973

I have launch recently my outsourcing membership site, Instead of paying someone to create the sales page for me I do it my self. I don't have enough budget yet. My site is Lexorsoft.net.

Since I started the site it only get 20 new members. I believe my sales letter is not convincing and more improvement is needed.

For those sales page expert, how much you think I need to pay for a expert to re-write the sales page, so that it make more attractive and all those wrong grammar will be corrected?

Thanks
Ed

Let's see, you are doing about $2,000 per month less expenses.
With the help of a copywriter you should be able to easily double
that subscription rate, so your fee is covered in no time. Not a
bad start, but you could get a bump for sure.

-Ray Edwards

Loren Woirhaye · 06-16-2009, 08:08 PM

Yeah, get a copywriter - your offer looks good but the
skills of the writer you used are hurting your results -
you could do a lot better with a good copywriter
tweaking/rewriting this letter for more punch and better
communication.

Getting it done right will be an investment in your
business which should pay you back many times over -
you'll get offers all over the map, but you get what
you pay for. I'll quote you a fee to do a bang-up
rewrite on it if you ask - look at my material (below)
and if you like my style send me an email or
request a quote from my site.

rbthanders · 06-18-2009, 03:59 AM

I would also add more info about the actual value proposition of the service that you're offering.

Like - what sets it apart from all of the people doing the same type of thing at DP, here, or other places for similar rates.

edpudol1973 · 06-18-2009, 09:16 AM

Thanks guys for all the kind words, I've got 4 PMs since I started this thread. But I want to hear if you guys know someone here at Warrior that really good in this job.

Kurt Henninger · 06-18-2009, 09:44 AM

What is your sale conversion for your page? 1-2 or 5% or what?

That is really the ultimate determining factor on whether a sales page is "good "or not and converts.

Loren Woirhaye · 06-18-2009, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by edpudol1973

Thanks guys for all the kind words, I've got 4 PMs since I started this thread. But I want to hear if you guys know someone here at Warrior that really good in this job.

I told you to look at my stuff and request a quote. Same goes for
any of the writers here. Read their stuff.

Your letter's problem is clarity. Your offer is good, but poorly communicated.
Hire a writer who writes for clarity.

Alexa Smith · 06-18-2009, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loren Woirhaye

Your offer is good, but poorly communicated.
Hire a writer who writes for clarity.

I posted at some length, with several observations, in your earlier thread on the same subject, and I don't want to try your (or anyone else's) patience all over again here, especially as I'm not a professional copywriter. So I'll confine myself simply to saying how strongly I agree with Loren. Absolutely no impoliteness intended, but your English is simply not good enough to be doing this on your own.

RentItNow · 06-22-2009, 08:14 PM

One thing I noticed is it took me too long to figure out what you are selling. Use the flare that is lower on the page at the top somewhere.

1/3 of the first page is a useless graphic. Should be someone relaxing. I dont like the word OUTSOURCE! In fact it means to most people just one more job taken away from someone here. To me it would mean, HOW MUCH TO HELP ME? Get to the point WAY faster.

I don't like the testimonials format and position. Should be lower and less obtrusive.

The lead should be something that shows that I only have to work a few hours a week if I use you. You should quote Timothy Ferris' Four Hour Work Week where he goes into great detail about using outsourcing.

I HATE the Lexorsoft.net thing. It doesnt explain the benefit to me whatsoever.

06-16-2009, 07:01 PM	#1
edpudol1973 Advanced Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Baguio City , Philippines. Posts: 676 Thanks: 17 Thanked 32 Times in 26 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	I guess my first sales page fail I have launch recently my outsourcing membership site, Instead of paying someone to create the sales page for me I do it my self. I don't have enough budget yet. My site is Lexorsoft.net. Since I started the site it only get 20 new members. I believe my sales letter is not convincing and more improvement is needed. For those sales page expert, how much you think I need to pay for a expert to re-write the sales page, so that it make more attractive and all those wrong grammar will be corrected? Thanks Ed
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06-16-2009, 07:07 PM	#2
Steve Mount Senior Warrior Member War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Washington DC Posts: 2,285 Thanks: 132 Thanked 124 Times in 63 Posts Contact Info	Re: I guess my first sales page fail The page is written in poor english. It's not terrible, but it's enough for me to say... ehh no thanks! How much you want to spend depends on your budget and how much more money you want to make. A good copywriter could rewrite your page for $1000 and help you achieve much much more.

06-16-2009, 08:08 PM	#4
Loren Woirhaye Who'm I kidding? War Room Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Easthampton, Massachusetts Posts: 4,542 Blog Entries: 15 Thanks: 117 Thanked 904 Times in 651 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: I guess my first sales page fail Yeah, get a copywriter - your offer looks good but the skills of the writer you used are hurting your results - you could do a lot better with a good copywriter tweaking/rewriting this letter for more punch and better communication. Getting it done right will be an investment in your business which should pay you back many times over - you'll get offers all over the map, but you get what you pay for. I'll quote you a fee to do a bang-up rewrite on it if you ask - look at my material (below) and if you like my style send me an email or request a quote from my site.
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06-18-2009, 03:59 AM	#5
rbthanders Warrior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 21 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: I guess my first sales page fail I would also add more info about the actual value proposition of the service that you're offering. Like - what sets it apart from all of the people doing the same type of thing at DP, here, or other places for similar rates.
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06-18-2009, 09:16 AM	#6
edpudol1973 Advanced Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Baguio City , Philippines. Posts: 676 Thanks: 17 Thanked 32 Times in 26 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: I guess my first sales page fail Thanks guys for all the kind words, I've got 4 PMs since I started this thread. But I want to hear if you guys know someone here at Warrior that really good in this job.
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06-18-2009, 09:44 AM	#7
Kurt Henninger HyperActive Warrior Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: , , . Posts: 138 Thanks: 7 Thanked 7 Times in 7 Posts Social Networking	Re: I guess my first sales page fail What is your sale conversion for your page? 1-2 or 5% or what? That is really the ultimate determining factor on whether a sales page is "good "or not and converts.
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06-22-2009, 08:14 PM	#10
RentItNow Aka: John J. Adams War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Windsor, ON Posts: 917 Thanks: 171 Thanked 184 Times in 158 Posts Social Networking	Re: I guess my first sales page fail One thing I noticed is it took me too long to figure out what you are selling. Use the flare that is lower on the page at the top somewhere. 1/3 of the first page is a useless graphic. Should be someone relaxing. I dont like the word OUTSOURCE! In fact it means to most people just one more job taken away from someone here. To me it would mean, HOW MUCH TO HELP ME? Get to the point WAY faster. I don't like the testimonials format and position. Should be lower and less obtrusive. The lead should be something that shows that I only have to work a few hours a week if I use you. You should quote Timothy Ferris' Four Hour Work Week where he goes into great detail about using outsourcing. I HATE the Lexorsoft.net thing. It doesnt explain the benefit to me whatsoever.