Tear my letter apart please

[twcaaron]

Hi guys, I need some help.

I've had my site up for a couple of weeks now (beatmachinepro.com). I am able to get good traffic via adwords that is very targeted and at a decent price. My bounce rate isn't too high and my time on site is pretty good considering it's just a sales letter... BUT it's just not working. People aren't converting. Around 10% click on the "add to cart" button, but *very few* make it through checkout (about 0.5% of total visits).

Can you take a look and see what might be going on? Is it my market? The letter? If so, what do you see? I need another set of eyes on this...

Aaron

[mohd]

I'm not to comment your site,
but hey, i'm thinking of buying your software later-on,
track 1 is sooo... damn awesome.

mohd

[Scott Murdaugh]

Get the price/download button off of the top of the page...

Get a video demo of you (or someone) using the software... Show what you can do in real time.

I don't know much about the market, but I do know that there is some very well known competition out there... What makes your product any better?

And isn't there free software out there that's similar? Fruity Loops? Why spend $47 when there's a free alternative? I don't know the answer and neither do your customers.

The high shopping cart abandonment is probably from having them see the price tag before you justify it, and you don't justify it at all... People have options, why pick you?

-Scott

[jukeboxhero]

Hot beats sounds dated and very seventies why not try Slammin....

Weak opening...Your not grabbing attention your telling your audience something they don't even care about "Back in the day you would have to spend hundreds, if not thousands of dollars to buy software and equipment to make professional-quality beats. I know I did.

Ask yourself, "Self, if I were a (primary customer ) what would I be dreaming of that (even if it's completely irrational) that would motivate me to buy (Your product)

I do like your layout and graphics though

[twcaaron]

Hi guys, thanks for your replies. I think the main thing I need to think about here is my unique selling proposition. I will definitely take the price off of the top of the page as well. Any others?

[Alexa Smith]

Originally Posted by twcaaron

Around 10% click on the "add to cart" button, but *very few* make it through checkout (about .05% of total visits).

Really? That is interesting. So out of every 2000 visitors, 200 click on "add to cart" but only one gets through checkout? Sorry, I'm not experienced to offer any comments other than that I'm really surprised by the figures. It'll be interesting to see other replies. Good luck!

[twcaaron]

Okay, the buy button/price are off the top of the page... Now to figure out my USP. Any good ideas?

[twcaaron]

Hi Alexa. Whoops, my bad. It's actually more like 0.5% not 0.05%. I fixed the original post.

[Alexa Smith]

I see, thanks for clarifying. To be honest, I'm still surprised that so many don't get through checkout after clicking on "add to cart", though. But that could be just my inexperience and it would be interesting to hear what proportions others are losing at an equivalent stage.

[twcaaron]

Any other ideas for changes or USPs?

[Scott Murdaugh]

We don't have access to the software or anything to compare it to...

Why do YOU think people should buy it? I haven't checked out your changes, going to look now.

-Scott

[twcaaron]

Compare it to Sonic Producer (sonicproducer.com) for now. Sonic Producer isn't as fully featured and is just a Flash application. Other competitors with similar features (albeit not in the same price category) include FL Studio, Pro Tools, etc. These ones are much more expensive, but higher end as well... not really geared toward people just getting started.

I think people should buy because it is the only commercial *professional-level* production software at this price. It is easier to use than the other more expensive ones, yet it is much more powerful than Sonic Pro. Hope this helps...

[David Raybould]

Hey Aaron...

First up, your headline isn't so enticing.

Your headline needs to be the biggest
punch in your marketing arsenal. But
the one you have just isn't exciting.

This is a good niche, and the people
have passion for their music... if you
can tap into that passion, you'll really
get some of them interested.

I think the subhead is actually a lot
more interesting to most of your
readers... if they really can lay down
some killer beats inside 10 minutes,
I'd put that into your headline.

Better yet, get one of your buddies
who's never used it before, and time
how long it takes them to put their
first beat together... if it takes 6
minutes and 48 seeconds, put that
time into your headline.

Specifics are a great way to build
credibility and drag people further
into the letter.

There's a ton of other stuff to get into,
but I'm pushed for time, so I'll leave
you with this:

Your letter has no guarantee. Or if
it does, I missed it, so it needs to be
highlighted a LOT more. You need a
good guarantee, and you need to
shout it from the rooftops.

Good luck.

-David Raybould

[MarkH45]

The beats you have up there are pretty good which would compensate for even a horrible sales page but yours isn't that bad.

I think it's an issue with the quality of traffic and your niche. You are getting a lot of kids and wannabe music producers or dj's (who have no money) but they will be more than happy to click on your ad and window shop.

If you are losing money with your PPC campaigns stop now because it's not going to get any better.

Do you have an affiliate program for this? Are you the creator of the software?

[twcaaron]

Hey David,

I really appreciate the feedback. I like the idea of timing a friend...
What do you think of this potential alternative headline/subhead?:

"Powerful New Beat Making Software Puts the Tools of the World's Top Producers at Your Finger Tips and Allows You to Make Beats in Just 6 minutes and 45 seconds"

I'll work on a guarantee as well.

Aaron

[twcaaron]

Hi Mark,

I have seriously wondered about that... I can tell you that the customers I do have tend to be young and out of just a handful of purchases, I've had a declined card and 2 bounced e-checks. I can get an affiliate program set-up quickly through my 1shoppingcart account if needed. I am not the original developer of the software, although I have a license to sell/distribute it and have paid another developer to make some modifications. I have seriously started to wonder if it's time to pull out...

[Mr. Subtle]

Originally Posted by twcaaron

What do you think of this potential alternative headline/subhead?:

"Powerful New Beat Making Software Puts the Tools of the World's Top Producers at Your Finger Tips and Allows You to Make Beats in Just 6 minutes and 45 seconds"

Too wordy for my taste. Your headline is in your subhead...

[MarkH45]

Originally Posted by twcaaron

Hi Mark,

I have seriously wondered about that... I can tell you that the customers I do have tend to be young and out of just a handful of purchases, I've had a declined card and 2 bounced e-checks. I can get an affiliate program set-up quickly through my 1shoppingcart account if needed. I am not the original developer of the software, although I have a license to sell/distribute it and have paid another developer to make some modifications. I have seriously started to wonder if it's time to pull out...

Go to CamStudio and download their free screen capture/movie making software. Take people through some of the basic things this software can do. Tell people if they want to hear some demo tracks go to : Beat Machine Pro - Make beats and instrumentals. Hip hop and rap beat making software.

This video may go viral and get passed around like a box of Snickers bars at fat camp. (YouTube is a young hip crowd)

START AN AFFILIATE PROGRAM!!!! You could raise the price to $67 and offer a 50% commission to affiliates. (This WILL sell for $67)

Mr. Subtle.... very cool....

PM me if you'd like....

[twcaaron]

Wow, thanks guys. I really like the big banner idea. I've got a basic camtasia video up at YouTube, but I don't think it's compelling enough to go viral. Maybe if I recorded a friend who knows nothing about beat making coming up with a decent sounding track in a few minutes, then it might have a shot.

[~Davor Debrecin~]

Hi Aaron,

I think the main reason why you have a high sales page to checkout rate is because most people are doing that to quickly find out the price. They don't want to search the price in your copy.

And since you don't even state the price on your sales page, than this rate is even higher in your case.

Mostly, when you don't state your price clearly and visibly on your sales page, some percentage of your visitors (the more impulsive ones) will click on your order / 'add to cart' button so they can see the price.

I'd advise you to test putting the price clearly on your sales page.

Plus, here's an another idea, I'm personally testing this right now and I'm getting interesting results.

State that your price is $57 on the sales page. This way the prospects that click through your order button will be even more qualified (ie. they know the price and your whole offer). And then, on the checkout page, put something like: "Unadvertised bonus: If you buy right now, I'll give you a $10 discount, so you only need to pay $47 for..."

Remember that you're making that special offer to people who clicked to your checkout knowing they have to pay $57 for the product. You don't know their decision yet, but a certain percentage of those who are not sure yet could be pushed a bit towards buying your product by this special "surprise" discount.

Also, test this: Give them a discount, but don't say anything about it! Just put $57 on your sales page and $47 on the checkout. But don't say a word about it, make it look like it's your mistake. The "dishonest" ones among those visitors will probably see this as an opportunity to get a better deal "before you find out" and the "honest" ones would contact you to tell you about your mistake. If they do contact you, thank them and give them the product for $37! Then correct the price so if they check you out, they'll see you've corrected your mistake. Then you can do this again in a week. It's risky and that's why I have developed a software so you don't need to correct the price gap, and the "honest" ones would think you actually did corrected it. Sneaky, but it works and I don't have a problem with that if I know the product is high quality.

I'm actually testing different strategies with this software. For example, I'm testing stating a lower price and presenting them with a higher price on the order page. Sounds weird? Yes it is weird, but it works (as far as my results) and can only be done with my software in place.

Ok, this is getting long and off topic.

Just one more thing, test everything I said. And take the stuff others suggested. And test it as well. You never know if something will work without testing it.

Hope I helped, take care

~Davor

[twcaaron]

Hi Davor,

Thank you very much for your long and detailed comments. This strategy has entered my head on occasion... I guess I have some testing to do As far as your test results have shown, Davor, which tests better? Mentioning the discount on the next page or not mentioning it and letting them think they are getting away with something?

As far as driving traffic to the tests goes, Adwords is getting expensive and is barely breaking even at this point. Do you guys think I should continue to drive traffic with PPC or try to get traffic naturally to run them?

Aaron

[MarkH45]

Screw the discount... you already said checks and credit cards are getting declined at $47.00... how is offering them a discount going to change that? All of a sudden because you did this their credit card is going to go through?

You need a massive amount of traffic that an affiliate program can provide... not sales page gimmicks....

"make your own beat software" has only 10 true results
"make your own beats software" has only 327 true results
"create rap song beats" ZERO results found
"create rap beats" has 4,100 results
"create hip hop song beats" ZERO results found
"create hip hop beats" has 2,300 results
"beats software" has only 12,500 true results and this term gets searched 14,800 times a month according to Google.

This is only a small 3 second sample... I'm sure you could dig deeper. With the proper content and backlinking you should be able to dominate Google... FOR FREE

[snowtigress]

Hi, Aaron. As a copywriter, these are my first impression thoughts of your sales letter.

1. The main headline is weak. The 2nd is far better

2. Back in the day? -- Are you catering to middle-aged wanna-be's? You need to assess your target audience and write only to them.

3. I'd take out all mention of products that you needed a few years ago. No one cares. They want to know what your product can do for them NOW.

4. You need to have the price highlighted in the middle of the text. You want to push what a great deal it is, and you can't do that by hiding the cost. Put it out there in the middle of your letter and again at the end.

5. Your PS. is incredibly weak and unconvincing. Also, you cannot swear in your sales letter, even if you think it sounds cool. You still have to maintain some degree of professionalism.

I hope these tips were helpful!

[CDarklock]

Originally Posted by jukeboxhero

Your not grabbing attention your telling your audience something they don't even care about "Back in the day you would have to spend hundreds, if not thousands of dollars to buy software and equipment to make professional-quality beats. I know I did.

With all due respect, I think you're underestimating the credibility impact of that. I've seen a lot of drum trackers written by people who have essentially just made their first music-generating program, and it's a drum tracker because they can't pitch shift in real time. Knowing he's a musician with experience DOES matter.

[Scott Murdaugh]

You need a massive amount of traffic that an affiliate program can provide... not sales page gimmicks....

Mark, I think you might be underestimating just how critical a sales letter is in converting that massive amount of traffic into buyers...

Does he need traffic? Yeah. Does he need his sales letter optimized to make the most of that traffic before he drives it? Definitely.

-Scott

[MarkH45]

Originally Posted by scottspfd82

Mark, I think you might be underestimating just how critical a sales letter is in converting that massive amount of traffic into buyers...

Does he need traffic? Yeah. Does he need his sales letter optimized to make the most of that traffic before he drives it? Definitely.

-Scott

I love copywriters

[Woody Crenshaw]

Two quick points (cos that's all I have time for now).

1. I would NOT say: "With practice and talent, you'll be able to make beats like these:" above your sample tracks. I don't want to have to practice, and what if I don't have the talent to make tracks like those? I now have doubts in my mind about your product. Throw in a benefit of being able to create beats like those, like "Impress your friends with jaw dropping tracks like these:" or something along those lines.

2. You NEED to have the price on the sales page somewhere. Show value in the price though. You can perhaps show competitors products and their expensive price beside the name with a line through it. Go from most expensive down the line to your product and price (in a different color, bolder, etc). Show how your product compares in the sales copy then show that it is actually a better deal.

I hope this helps.

[Daniel Scott]

Aaron,

I'll be blunt... there are a lot of problems with your sales letter. It's missing the target audience, you've left out crucial pieces of the sales puzzle, and the whole thing has the emotional impact of an episode of "Days of Our Lives" (ie. none).

Is the letter the only problem? I can't say for sure.

I imagine selling to this niche might be hard... how many people are serious enough about creating beats to buy software, especially software priced at $47? I expect most of the paid solutions the "pros" use would cost a lot more, and for the people who just want to tool around and make themselves think they can make a beat, well, they won't pay anything.

A good copywriter will be able to talk you through all this stuff... but without researching your market more thoroughly I can't say for sure whether or not your business plan is flawed.

The sales page definitely is, though.

-Dan

[twcaaron]

This is some really great feedback guys. I will try to find some ways to make it more emotionally motivating. I'll also put the price, etc. on there. Also, I really like the idea of showing competitors and pricing there- It shows that the product is in the same league, but is quite a bit more affordable. Thanks again for all of the feedback.

Aaron

[JackPowers]

I don't know about your marketing strategy, but this kind of product should be marketed heavily on social websites in my opinion.

Is your target group 15-25 years? Then you need to go market where they are: Facebook, Twitter, MySpace and more.

You should also consider laying down some beats and distributing them trough peer-to-peer networks.

Write a SIMPLE guide to making beats and put it out there with your link inside.

I also think you could consider making a demo version with upsell.

I think you really need to think about marketing out of the box here. Adwords may not be the best choice.

There are tons and tons of forums out there with your target group. Get some people to run up some posts on them and then make them do a post saying: "Check out these beats I made guys!" or stuff like that. Make it relevant, do a contest somehow.

Just my 2 cents.

[~Davor Debrecin~]

Originally Posted by twcaaron

Thank you very much for your long and detailed comments. This strategy has entered my head on occasion... I guess I have some testing to do As far as your test results have shown, Davor, which tests better? Mentioning the discount on the next page or not mentioning it and letting them think they are getting away with something?

Well, you really should test that hehe. Because it really depends on your target market. I assume that your market is mostly younger men, right? From 18-30 years? If that's true, then maybe the not stating a discount would work better for you. Because you can assume that most younger men are more likely to take the opportunity to get your product for less money thinking that they profited on your mistake.

But, again, you need to test that.

As far as driving traffic to the tests goes, Adwords is getting expensive and is barely breaking even at this point. Do you guys think I should continue to drive traffic with PPC or try to get traffic naturally to run them?

In my experience, using PPC (and article marketing) is THE way to start with. Use it to get your conversion as high as possible and THEN start your affiliate program. It's not wise to start and look for affiliates before you know how well (or how bad) your offer is converting. They will send you traffic, and if it doesn't gone, you're doomed. The word will spread out that your product is not worth promoting. So stick to PPC (try article marketing if you have time and energy) until you get the conversion rate to at least 1%.

You'll probably get higher conversion from the traffic affiliates send you because that traffic is "pre-sold", ie. warmed up. The person comming to your site already knows about it and was recommended to buy it by someone they more or less trust, so it should convert better. But you need that initial 1% conversion rate.

Also you should infiltrate some forums and become a valueable member. Then after a while, share the best beat you created with that community. And tell them you created it with you product, but don't say it's yours (very sneaky, but it works). Just tell them how thrilled you are with that software and wait for the comments to kick in with questions. Answer them like you are only a user of the software. The prospects comming through that site will be very very qualified.

Hope this helps you, let us now when you make the changes.

~Davor

[IRON_STRONG]

Being a serious hobbyist of this niche, i can tell you the price is absolutely not too high, quite the contrary, looking at your screen shots, and hearing the music it mimmicks the one of two god fathers in beat software FruityLoops, or Pro Track if anything the price is way to low to be belieevable it looks like a screenshot of fruity loops, and it's hard to bielve its so affordable yet such high quality.

my friends and peers are shelling out thousands just in sound clips and effects a year, with no real potential of ever becoming famous. You're marketing to a serious niche here IMO.

Alot of guys are willing to spend that hard earned money (however earned it may be) trying to enter the rap game and get out of the streets. I know plenty of guys doing it right now.

IMO looks too much like Fruity Loops and is a way too unbelivable price for the quality.

my .02 cc's

Originally Posted by Daniel Scott

Aaron,

I'll be blunt... there are a lot of problems with your sales letter. It's missing the target audience, you've left out crucial pieces of the sales puzzle, and the whole thing has the emotional impact of an episode of "Days of Our Lives" (ie. none).

Is the letter the only problem? I can't say for sure.

I imagine selling to this niche might be hard... how many people are serious enough about creating beats to buy software, especially software priced at $47? I expect most of the paid solutions the "pros" use would cost a lot more, and for the people who just want to tool around and make themselves think they can make a beat, well, they won't pay anything.

A good copywriter will be able to talk you through all this stuff... but without researching your market more thoroughly I can't say for sure whether or not your business plan is flawed.

The sales page definitely is, though.

-Dan

[Kevin Lam]

All I can say is, I hate coming to a website that automatically plays music. I leave it without thinking twice. I was lucky to not have my headset on or I'd be pretty pissed. My headset was on the rack and it was quite loud as it was.

[Daniel Soulsby]

Look, if 10% get to check out there can't be that much wrong with the sales page, you just need all of them to buy.

The beat cuts off when you buy, maybe that disconcerts people somehow, try opening check out in a new window so the beat goes on.

Just try split testing different check out's maybe?

Hope that helps

Daniel

[Daniel Scott]

Daniel,

Actually, there can be serious problems with the sales page... and there probably is.

I used to think the same way as this. It's logical, after all.

Now I realize that just because people click through to your order page doesn't mean squat... you need to build such an insatiable desire for the product that the momentum carries them through the pain of spending their money.

Having said all that, it's possible there is another problem... but I highly doubt it.

-Dan

P.S. Joshua, thanks for the awesome information you provided. There is a bit I'd like to rephrase though, which you mentioned in passing - that selling this software for $47 might be hurting conversions because you automatically think "If it's so good, why isn't it being sold for more?".

[Bill Jeffels]

Originally Posted by twcaaron

Hi guys, I need some help.

I've had my site up for a couple of weeks now (beatmachinepro.com). I am able to get good traffic via adwords that is very targeted and at a decent price. My bounce rate isn't too high and my time on site is pretty good considering it's just a sales letter... BUT it's just not working. People aren't converting. Around 10% click on the "add to cart" button, but *very few* make it through checkout (about 0.5% of total visits).

Can you take a look and see what might be going on? Is it my market? The letter? If so, what do you see? I need another set of eyes on this...

Aaron

Hey Aaron,

This might help you out a bit.


Make your own beats fast..

You Are Just 10 Minutes Away
From Getting The Dopest New
Tool That'll Allow You To
Make The Hottest Beats
On The Planet

Get serious and start making
your own beats just like
Dre, RZA, Lil John
and Timbaland

Dear friend

Do you remember Dre Dre's "The Chronic"?. 50's "The Massacre"?. Those sounded real profesional, right out of dre's own studio right?. Of course. And it cost several thousand dollars to produce. Well, if you want to start making your own beats like that, you would need a sampler, turntable, keyboard and more. Right?. Wrong.

And it wont cost you the thousands that Dre and 50 spent. What is this that I'm talking about?...it's the new beat pro.

It's so fast and simple to use, you'll be laying down your own dope tracks in as little as 10 minutes. And it sounds like your in Dre's million dollar home studio.

Etc...ETC...Etc..

Aaron, you know your audience. They all want to be rap stars, sell that to them.

Take Care

Bill Jeffels

[~Davor Debrecin~]

Hi Aaron, how's it going with the improvements?

Just wanted to tell you that I really got hooked up on your first example track - it's awesome! I played to a couple of friends of mine and they loved it too.

Keep up the good work.

And let us know when you make the improvements.

Take care,

~Davor