tear my squeeze a new s-hole...

[jukeboxhero]

I just changed over to a whole new format and so far it has increased optins over 270% from my older squeeze...

But, I'm hoping for some help fine tuning my engine....

Learn Real Estate Short Sales and short sale real estate

Thanks in advance.

[Alexa Smith]

The word "their" in the heading should be "they're".

[travlinguy]

Get someone to proof the copy. As Alexa pointed out, their should be they're. Also the first word 'your' should be you're. The same paragraph you have the word 'then' where it should be than.

There are still a lot of people who will pass on any offer where the teaser copy is in such bad shape. The rationale being, if they couldn't get 300 words right, what kind of mess is the book, course, program going to be in? Good luck!

[k0zm0zs0ul]

Yep, I agree, fix the theirs and yours, etc. Everyone is guilty of those occasionally it's one of the most common errors, along with its and it's. lol

Also, the line 'Plus you'll also receive...'

Doesn't lead into the paragraph below it, which throws me off a bit.

Maybe change it to 'You're about to discover...'

And then delete that line from the paragraph below and continue with 'Why investors..etc.

Hope that made sense.

Regards,
Cori

[jukeboxhero]

Thanks a ton....I screw up my autoreponder messages with the same mistakes.....I love being a shoot first aim later person, if I can remember to aim later. LOL

Thanks for the help....Criticism makes my wallet grow larger.

[Matt Remuzzi]

I will guess that if you are titling posts "tear my squeeze page a new s-hole" then you are aren't going to see anything of a turn off with the picture of a crazed person holding a gun to their head either, but in my mind that picture in no way relates to my interest in learning about short sales and getting access to that full video doesn't seem like an enticement at all.

So my suggestion would be to either more effectively tie that image in with what you are trying to sell me or, better yet, switch it out with something that makes sense- like an image of a nice house with an unbelievably low price tag in the corner- which is what I want to get from learning about short sales.

[jukeboxhero]

I've had the same ol, same ol, squeeze pages where I tell everyone what, everyone else is telling them and then show them, what everyone else is showing them and they didn't pull nearly as well.

With the amount of demand on a users attention often times an image like that will pull them out of their computer based "coma" and at least get them to read the rest of my copy where I tell them everything I want to tell them...

Or in NLP terms it shocks them into downtime where they are more accepting of your messages because their wall has temporarily been lowered by an image that they are not typically seeing online.

I did the same thing with a Unicorn on my main sales page at Wholesaling Property: Real Estate Wholesaling Tricks and Tactics Revealed, I added the unicorn and some old books and conversions went up 23% over not having them.....Strange, I know, but it has been paying all of my bills, so I can't complain.

The picture is meant to tie in with the headline "What investors do when they're broke".

I appreciate the advice though.....But my metrics are telling another story

[Kevin Lam]

Why investors from all across America have nicknamed Eric Medemar the "Robin Hood" of guru's. Eric strives to provide more high value FREE information, than many guru's would ask you to pay thousand for. Your success is Eric's #1 Priority and that's why he wants to give you:

I would simply say this:

Why investors from all across America have nicknamed Eric Medemar the "Robin Hood" of gurus. Eric provides more valuable information for FREE than many guru's who charge thousands. Your success is Eric's #1 Priority and that's why he wants to give you:

===========

You can only get it here...Only for FREE!

I'd say:

You can only get it here... And I don't charge a dime!

===========

Earning while you learning"

This needs to be:

"Earning while you're learning"

or simply:

"Earn as you learn"

============

YES Eric! Give me Free Access to this valuable information , I'm entering my name and primary email in the box below now!

Just punctuation errors:

YES, Erick! Give me Free Acces to this valuable information. I'm entering my name and primary email in the box below now!

=============

MOST IMPORTANTLY!

I'd change the top of your landing page! No one cares what your domain address is when they land on it. They care about the content.

Just remove the the entire top portion of your graphic header and have the "attention" stuff. That means "Eric Medimar's" and "ShortSaleUniversity.com" should be gone.

Then change the gray background to black. It will look MUCH better.

One last change: instead of making the text in one line, place them in two.

I.E.

Attention: Free Video Reveals...
What Investors Do When They're Broke!

Keep the same size, center everything, but make sure the "Attention" text is still even with the next line on the left.

Enjoy.

[Hesster]

Change guru's to gurus. Apostrophe s is for possessives unless you're talking about a contraction of 'is'. Plural possessive is s followed by an apostrophe.

Example:

Plural: All the gurus say he's the best.
Singular possessive: The guru's latest ebook.
Plural possessive: He's the gurus' mentor.

[jukeboxhero]

Great advice man...

I like your changes a ton...Now, I've just got to update my site....

I follow your train of thought for the header....The reason I have it that way is to carry over from a new type of video i'm shooting where I'm dropping my camtasia pip into the house in this pic, then running it as video on all of the traffic geyser sites.

You can see what I mean if you check out my template....

This allows me to run nice looking vids with my teaser copy and domain built right into the video, rather than the typical bland brand logo over video.

I've been using a similar set up for a video template for my Realtor site matching header to header to keep a consistent feel from one thing to the next and have already sold 8 homes from it....$17,000

Thanks so much for the advise, it is much appreciated.

[Kevin Lam]

I understand consistency, it's important, but for the site in question, I really think it will do you a lot of good to change it. Do what you want though. It's your site.

[Michael Ellis]

"We HATE SPAM and the TALIBAN and commit to never sharing your information with anyone"

LOL. Nice touch. I wonder if that small injection of humor increases your opt-ins...

Anyway, you might want to bracket the 'and the TALIBAN' like this:

We HATE SPAM (and the TALIBAN) and commit to never sharing your information with anyone!

It separates it from the main point and makes it seem more like an afterthought.

I know that may be minute, but it was funny and I think there's room for improvement.

[NikNikAndCauliflower]

Kevin, that was a good read. Thanks.

[Kevin Lam]

You're welcome. Let me know if you need help as well.

[Ken Strong]

Originally Posted by Hesster

Change Goober's to Goobers. Apostrophe s is for possessives unless you're talking about a contraction of 'is'. Plural possessive is s followed by an apostrophe.

Example:

Plural: All the Goobers say he's the best.
Singular possessive: The Goober's latest ebook.
Plural possessive: He's the Goobers' mentor.

Anyone who can't punctuate goobers properly is not a pro.