Please critique my landing page copy.. Thanks in advance

[doc_web]

Hello Fellow warriors and Great Copywriters

This is my first attempt at writing a copy. It is for an optin page, the other elements of the page are yet to be sorted.


But I would highly appreciate your critique of the copy.

Please check it at Successful Gurus

Thanks in advance.

Deepak

[thegoddessofeleven]

Initial impression:

It looks a little upside down to me... like, the box that's at the top should be at the bottom...

"Whooping" would be used in conjunction with the word "cough." I think you mean "whopping."

"Rack a whack load of cash?" Do you mean "Rake in a whack load of cash?" Regardless, I don't know what a "whack load" is...

[RentItNow]

"Free Video uncovers the secret strategy that helped Gurus to make Millions Last Year..."


Take out the word "to". Maybe say, "Ultra Secret".

Also, show some proof or something that teases more.

[doc_web]

Thank You John and thegoddess

points taken... Keep them coming

I am very keen to learn.

Its difficult for me to provide any proof since its not me, who made the money and the Gurus won't give me a screenshot of their accounts

I need to think a bit more, about how can I provide the proof.

Thanks again

Deepak

[jvwinwin]

Very first thing you need to correct is the headline visually. Try to capitalize the first letter of every word there.

"Free Video Uncovers The Ultra Secret Strategy That Helped Gurus Make Millions Last Year..."

It already looks better...

[doc_web]

Great Advice..

Thanks to both of you.

Mark, thanks for taking so much time to critique my page.

I ll get on work, firstly to read the headlines from the copywriting masters.

Thanks

Deepak