New site content critique

parnison · 07-02-2009, 07:24 PM

I have developed a completely unique ebook in a unique and currently untapped market, I cant find anything like this on the web.

I have had someone calling themselves a copy writer put the sales copy together and wondered if you would be kind enough to have a read and let me know your thoughts.

website is layingfoundations dot co dot uk (Sorry about that, not allowed to post links yet)

This is my first foray into internet marketing /sales and I have lots to learn I just hope that I can get this to sell.

There are estimated to be 100,000 amatuer Rugby League coaches in the UK. Must be a fair few more worldwide.

Many Thanks

Paul

MontelloMarketing · 07-02-2009, 08:46 PM

Paul,

Your letter looks like it was thrown together in a few hours based on a simple template or it may have even been spit out of a software program.

The problem is it's written exactly like "content." You don't want content. You want sales copy.

Two different animals that live on two different continents.

Most content writers can't write sales copy. The one who wrote your page certainly falls into that category.

It's not your fault. You're new. I get it.

Anyway... what you need is a professional copywriter.

Now enter the debate about how much you should pay for a professional copywriter. It's certainly going to be more than you paid for the page you have now.

I'll step back and let others tell you more.

bluenetworx · 07-02-2009, 09:00 PM

Hi there, I think it look ok..but I must agree that this it is content and not strong sales copy.

A few things to consider in sales copy is that you need to remember that there are four main personality types that people are, and they are a mixture of all four, these are:

1.) analytical
2.) amiable
3.) direct
4.) ego

So most good sales copy will try and connect with all four types.

Analytical - want all the details
Amiable - want to see testimonies
Direct - want bullet points of everything they are getting
Ego - want to know what you product can do for them/make then look like etc...

Also when writing it is good to start with a problem, further draw out this problem, relate to people in that problem and then provide a solution to the problem (ie your product)

Hope this helps,

Don't feel discouraged your product looks great!!

MarkAndrews IMCopywriting · 07-02-2009, 09:25 PM

The approach is a little bit soft, this is rugby we are talking about here, not softball.

Predominantly, the rugby coach is a guy who is used to thinking on his feet, is used to making fast decisions and can smell bull****, a mile away.

If you go with the approach above, that is simply making this into hard sales copy, I think fundamentally you could be making an error of judgement - what you need is a balance between good content and excellent sales copy.

You need to completely assert your authority position on this niche and good content will help you to do that. But it's a fine balancing act between using rugby 'power' words that have clout to them, whilst sliding yourself in like a flyhalf, right under that coaches BS detector - delivering a sliding tackle of pure sales copy genius that sends out the signal that you know this business, inside out.

Written properly, you could do pretty well with this product, unfortunately at the moment it's a bit wishy washy.

I'd advise that you not use the word eBook anywhere on the sales page - 'Team Coach Handbook' or similar might suffice much better if used within context, with the correct positioning.

Final point - remember that these are British guys you are talking to on the whole, there is absolutely no need to give these gentlemen the usual full on American sales spiel, they'll see through it for what it is immediately, that would definitely be the wrong approach.

Write it as if you were talking directly to a Yorkshireman, a Lancashireman or a Cornishman and use dry humour to get across one or two of your points, so that they'll know that you are on a level par with them - this should build up some respect for you as a perceived expert in this area.

In other words, write it as if you were looking them directly in the eye.

Cheers mate - hope that helps.

Best of luck with it.

Mark

07-02-2009, 07:24 PM	#1
parnison Warrior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 1 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	New site content critique I have developed a completely unique ebook in a unique and currently untapped market, I cant find anything like this on the web. I have had someone calling themselves a copy writer put the sales copy together and wondered if you would be kind enough to have a read and let me know your thoughts. website is layingfoundations dot co dot uk (Sorry about that, not allowed to post links yet) This is my first foray into internet marketing /sales and I have lots to learn I just hope that I can get this to sell. There are estimated to be 100,000 amatuer Rugby League coaches in the UK. Must be a fair few more worldwide. Many Thanks Paul

07-02-2009, 08:46 PM	#2
MontelloMarketing Godfather Of Persuasion War Room Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles - Tampa - Raleigh Posts: 791 Thanks: 10 Thanked 115 Times in 72 Posts Social Networking	Re: New site content critique Paul, Your letter looks like it was thrown together in a few hours based on a simple template or it may have even been spit out of a software program. The problem is it's written exactly like "content." You don't want content. You want sales copy. Two different animals that live on two different continents. Most content writers can't write sales copy. The one who wrote your page certainly falls into that category. It's not your fault. You're new. I get it. Anyway... what you need is a professional copywriter. Now enter the debate about how much you should pay for a professional copywriter. It's certainly going to be more than you paid for the page you have now. I'll step back and let others tell you more.
	Vin Montello “Is Your Copywriter Making You This Kind Of Money?” www.montellomarketing.com The Godfather Of Persuasion” www.montellomarketing.com/godfather

07-02-2009, 09:00 PM	#3
bluenetworx Active Warrior Join Date: May 2009 Location: Sydney Posts: 66 Thanks: 1 Thanked 8 Times in 7 Posts	Re: New site content critique Hi there, I think it look ok..but I must agree that this it is content and not strong sales copy. A few things to consider in sales copy is that you need to remember that there are four main personality types that people are, and they are a mixture of all four, these are: 1.) analytical 2.) amiable 3.) direct 4.) ego So most good sales copy will try and connect with all four types. Analytical - want all the details Amiable - want to see testimonies Direct - want bullet points of everything they are getting Ego - want to know what you product can do for them/make then look like etc... Also when writing it is good to start with a problem, further draw out this problem, relate to people in that problem and then provide a solution to the problem (ie your product) Hope this helps, Don't feel discouraged your product looks great!!
	Try Niche Profit Classroom for $1 through this link

07-02-2009, 09:25 PM	#4
MarkAndrews IMCopywriting http://IMCopywriting.com War Room Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: UK Posts: 1,119 Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 594 Thanked 288 Times in 222 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: New site content critique The approach is a little bit soft, this is rugby we are talking about here, not softball. Predominantly, the rugby coach is a guy who is used to thinking on his feet, is used to making fast decisions and can smell bull****, a mile away. If you go with the approach above, that is simply making this into hard sales copy, I think fundamentally you could be making an error of judgement - what you need is a balance between good content and excellent sales copy. You need to completely assert your authority position on this niche and good content will help you to do that. But it's a fine balancing act between using rugby 'power' words that have clout to them, whilst sliding yourself in like a flyhalf, right under that coaches BS detector - delivering a sliding tackle of pure sales copy genius that sends out the signal that you know this business, inside out. Written properly, you could do pretty well with this product, unfortunately at the moment it's a bit wishy washy. I'd advise that you not use the word eBook anywhere on the sales page - 'Team Coach Handbook' or similar might suffice much better if used within context, with the correct positioning. Final point - remember that these are British guys you are talking to on the whole, there is absolutely no need to give these gentlemen the usual full on American sales spiel, they'll see through it for what it is immediately, that would definitely be the wrong approach. Write it as if you were talking directly to a Yorkshireman, a Lancashireman or a Cornishman and use dry humour to get across one or two of your points, so that they'll know that you are on a level par with them - this should build up some respect for you as a perceived expert in this area. In other words, write it as if you were looking them directly in the eye. Cheers mate - hope that helps. Best of luck with it. Mark
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