Very short copy for critique.. (headline)

[sirtom]

Hey all..

I'm trying to work out a captivating headline for a project I'm working on, hopefully I can get some feedback on it to improve it.

Here are the ones I've been working with:

"Free Video Reveals The #1 Secret To Overcoming Your Fears And Concerns To Find The Career Of Your Dreams!"

or,


"Free Video Reveals The #1 Secret To Overcoming Your Fears And Finding The Career Of Your Dreams!"

Yep, it's for a Micro Continuity project... I'll be giving away the #1 secret to changing careers, so those two are the ones I like the best out of the ones I've come up with.. I'm by no means attached to them tho.

Any thoughts? Maybe (or hopefully) you even have better ideas, all of which I'm more than open to

Thanks for any and all help/advice/tearing-asunder.

-Tom

[jvwinwin]

Hi Tom

When I read your two headline, a question comes to my mind... why should I fear finding the career of my life? Maybe it's just me... but I got confused by the headline.

[Hesster]

As someone who has recently switched careers, I can tell you that a lot of people (myself included) are afraid to change. They've been set on their path by well meaning parents and high school guidance councilors, or went into a field only because they heard it was in demand and not because that's what they really wanted to do. Now they feel stuck and their jobs make them miserable, but they're too afraid of the unknown to try for a career change that makes them happier.

Between the two headlines, I'd go with #2. Fears and concerns seems kind of redundant, and the word concern seems a bit on the trivial side.

[sirtom]

First of all, thanks very much jvwinwin and hesster for giving the feedback. Hesster, I was leaning more towards #2 as well (out of those two), so that's a good thing. It seems like because of your situation (or since you've been thru that), you know what I am going for since you can relate.

I also took jvwinwin's comment into mind tho and got to thinking the headline may not convey my intentions. This series is about changing careers, so perhaps "finding the career of your dreams" may be too stagnant and indirect.

How do you feel about:

"Free Video Reveals The #1 Secret To Overcoming Your Fears [To Pursue/And Pursuing] The Career of Your Dreams!"

(The brackets above are for the options of word phrasing)..

Would this be better, given the nature of the product?

Thanks again!
Tom

[retz]

[snip]How do you feel about:

"Free Video Reveals The #1 Secret To Overcoming Your Fears [To Pursue/And Pursuing] The Career of Your Dreams!"

(The brackets above are for the options of word phrasing)..

Would this be better, given the nature of the product?

Thanks again!
Tom

First of all, fear should be singular and not plural. (Fear, not Fears.)

I also think a little rhyme might be catchy, like "Free Video Reveals the #1 Secret To Overcoming the Fear of Changing Your Career."

[dorothydot]

"Free Video Reveals The #1 Secret To Overcoming Your Fears And Concerns To Find The Career Of Your Dreams!"
or,
"Free Video Reveals The #1 Secret To Overcoming Your Fears And Finding The Career Of Your Dreams!"

Mmmm, I love playing with headlines!

First, your two are both too long. Probably do much better if you break them into a big headline with a smaller subhead underneath.

Something like,

"Discover The Secret to the Career of Your Dreams"
Free Video Helps You Conquer Your Fears

or

"The Hidden Key to Your Ideal Career - Revealed Here"
Free Video Guides You - Easy and Fast

Hope this helps,
Dot

[redfc]

A free video reveals – how to change your career without fear and concern.

A free video reveals – how to overcome your fear and get your dream career.

Revealing how to trash the #1 stumbling block to successful career change of your dreams.

Free video reveals how to trash the #1 stumbling block to a successful career change.

Just some thought.

hope this helps.
cheers

[MarkAndrews IMCopywriting]

Revelation! Eureka! Visualize How To
Blast Away Your Fears
When Looking To Make That Career Change...
Free Video Unlocks The Secret!


Exterminate! Fear Based Phobias - When Looking For a New Career Direction - Use This Video to Visualize Yourself In Your Ideal Vocation!


Caught Between a Rock and a Hard Place
Trying to Make That New Career Choice?
Blast Your Fears to Smithereens
Watch This FREE Video Today!


Feeling Jinxed By Your Self Imposed Fears
Searching For Your Ideal Dream Career?
This Super Secret FREE Video Disentangles
You From Your Own Thought Processes...

Just made those up off the top of my head in about 30 seconds.

[Jon Steel]

I don't like either headline. They are too complex and I would simplify them. Due to all the syllables you use, it is easy for people to trip over your message and it loses its effect. Simpler is always better...

js