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Need feedback/critique on article title

by JohnMcCabe
4 replies
I'm offering a free course for my local business prospects. I'm not getting much of a response. I know I have improvements to make on the opt-in page, etc., but I want to start with the title.

The title is:

"A Ridiculously Easy Way to Add Profits and Multiply Your Return On Your Advertising Investment in Only 10 Days"

It sounded good to me when I was compiling the course, which also serves as a demo for using an autoresponder.

I'm looking for some fresh eyes and perspective - part of what I normally provide...

Appreciate your help, if you have something to offer...
#feedback or suggestions #report #title #wanted
  • Profile picture of the author RentItNow
    I dont like the negative word "Ridiculously" especially in beginning.

    I am testing things like this myself and my guess is business owners are looking for something that is not salesish.

    I am very partial to short "hook" lines because they work on me.

    "How Can One Small Change in Your Advertising Double Your Customers?"
    "What Can You Do Today that Would Have Your Restaurant Competitors Scared?"
    "Why are traditional advertising methods not working?"

    Think from their perspective.
    Signature
    I have no agenda but to help those in the same situation. This I feel will pay the bills.
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    • Profile picture of the author dorothydot
      "A Ridiculously Easy Way to Add Profits and Multiply Your Return On Your Advertising Investment in Only 10 Days"

      Okay, brainstorming here - feel free to take, use, modify as needed.
      * first comment: the title is wayyy too long.

      Add Profits and Enhance Your Advertising Investment - Fast and Easy

      How to Profit Fast From Your Advertising Investment - It's Easy!

      How to Make Your Advertising Investment Enhance Your Bottom Line FAST

      What's the Fastest, Easiest Way to Get Bigger Profits From Your Advertising?

      And so on.

      Hope this helps spur your Muses!
      Dot
      Signature

      "Sell the Magic of A Dream"
      www.DP-Copywriting-Service.com

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      • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
        John and dorothydot,

        Thanks to both of you for your feedback and suggestions. Sometimes you just get stuck in the mud.

        I agree that the title is too long, and it sounds hypey in hindsight.

        I'll take both of your suggestions and play with them to see what I get.

        Anyone else?
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  • Profile picture of the author Bill Jeffels
    Originally Posted by JohnMcCabe View Post

    I'm offering a free course for my local business prospects. I'm not getting much of a response. I know I have improvements to make on the opt-in page, etc., but I want to start with the title.

    The title is:

    "A Ridiculously Easy Way to Add Profits and Multiply Your Return On Your Advertising Investment in Only 10 Days"

    It sounded good to me when I was compiling the course, which also serves as a demo for using an autoresponder.

    I'm looking for some fresh eyes and perspective - part of what I normally provide...

    Appreciate your help, if you have something to offer...
    Hi John,

    Your heading in the right direction.

    "How To Multiply The Return
    On Your Advertising
    In Only 10 Days"

    Discover the secrets to easily
    and instantly attracting
    more clients



    See John, just a little tweaking is needed

    Regards,

    Bill Jeffels
    Signature
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