Sales page critique

Did you write this yourself, Shlomi?

Hey Shlomi,

It looks as though you have the basics down, but I think I would change a few things. Personally, I wouldn't use the word "moron". If you like you can use these suggestions.



Want to explode your subscriber list?...










cash spending prospects, this one secret can add thousands of
dollars to your bank account in just a few weeks.

- How to avoid the number one mistake that almost every one makes
when trying to build a list, this one tip will save you hours of your
time and thousands of dollars.

- The exact words to say when getting your prospects information,
these phrases will weed out the tire kickers from the people that
actually want to buy your product.

- Etc...ETc...

I hope that will help you out with your copy structure, remember lots of desire and a strong call to action.

Take care,

Bill Jeffels

No, no.. it's cool, dude. : )

At first glance, it's actually quite a bit better than other things I recall you asking about in the past.

Which leads me to my point...

I'm happy to help out where and when I can for a fellow warrior. What I'm not happy to do is fix some cheap low-baller's mistakes for free.

I feel pretty secure in the notion that most of the other guys who write copy for a living feel likewise.

As far as your offer, let's talk about the headline and subhead for a second:

I actually like the subhead better. I don't dig the moron angle at all. Clueless newbie? maybe... Moron? no.

Play around with it some more, just write a bunch of different headlines and eventually some good things start to pop out. Work around something like this:


Play with it. The headline makes or breaks this page.

I gotta run so I can't get further into the copy for now, maybe later. But it's a lot better than much of the stuff that comes through for critique. Certainly for a $7 product, you're doing ok.

Best,

Brian

Thank you guys, i will go through the copies and try to implement your advice