Critique my sales page

You don't mention the price of the product near the "buy now" buttons. That is off putting for me. I like to see the price in big writing next to the buy buttons just to be very clear and transparent. I had to scroll up and down the page to try find out how much it was and if I was thinking about buying the product I will have probably left the page pretty quickly as I dont want to waste time looking for the price.

Another thing is I didnt really like the areas with a dark background and how they transition into white and red backgrounds. Im not sure why I dont like it but I dont. Not sure if everyone will think the same but thats just my opinion.

Your headline is cliche. It needs to catch attention and catch someone so off guard that they HAVE to continue reading.

"Be absolutely shredded and toned in just 90 days with less than 10% body fat and without ever going to the gym"

After your headline you really don't entice the reader to continue reading. What you say may be "logical" but every other line needs to make the reader feel/think "Holy sh**, I need to keep reading!"

i think it needs a promo video

Hmmm... I would have to agree that it kind of dragged on after the 1st part. Would probably be better off with that in a sales funnel where you get there email address then warm them up over time to selling the products as well.

The sales-copy is outsourced; once I can afford a top notch copywriter I'll hire one.

I'll consider getting a promo video.

Improvements I've made.

Changed the title/hook.
Changed the colors at the beginning to bring attention to the title.
Added the product price next to every "Buy Now" button.
Removed most of the arrows.
Added more on the testimonial submissions.
Removed 2 images from the DVD preview.

Keep the criticism coming, my sales page looks way better with the small improvements made!

OP, it's great that you're willing to take advice. But split testing different variables will bring you more success than just taking opinions from people. By all means, take opinions under consideration. But also watch out for those who back up their opinion with reason not just personal feeling.
Never hire that person again. Ever.

The design of your site is purposed to be unique. A design with the purpose to sell would work better. For example, your headline and sub headlines are all gray when instead they should be what stands out most.The first noticeable part of your page are the arrows when it should be the headline.

The pictures of you....not as ripped as the guy on the cover of your product. People want to be that guy.

Prepare to lawyer-up.

I can't really contribute much as far as the copy itself goes, but I can give some design tips (opinions)!

• The black/steel colors are good, immediately brought to mind p90x.
• The "grungy" font you use in the product images doesn't really fit.
• The whole thing feels too long, you might want to consider slimming it down a bit.
• Your blocks of text feel off, not sure exactly what it is but it could be the following:
  
  -- Default times new roman font
  -- Width of text blocks
  -- Spacing between text and other elements
  
  
• The transition between white to red to black is a bit jarring on the eyes.

Hope this helps!

PS: Hehe... Just noticed my post came on the coat-tales of pewpewpewmonkeys, who rightly stated to watch for opinions backed up with reason and not just personal feeling, which looking back most of my suggestions are just that, personal feelings! That said there is a lot of "feel" that goes into design soo.. *shrugs*

Add an exit popup

Cheers,

C.G.

Don't mind the headline, but it says "without ever going to the gym"

Then it shows you in the gym working out haha

I understand you need to show how to do exercises, but that might confuse some

"Why is he in the gym if I'm not going to be there anyway?"

First thing I picked up on

Also, this would be a better fitting area for your post: http://www.warriorforum.com/copywriting/

Improvements I've made.

Aligned the text to the left instead of middle.
Changed the "Buy Now" to "Get Ripped Now"
Changed the price from $30 to $29.99

OH my god ,

i am srry but
your website looks like a fake website , becasuse you have your product at first , i would say make it look a professional , small clean paragraphs and stories , may be a video of your product and , then go for the product or go for the auto responder emails ,,,,,this will help you lot,
but make your website little smaller and with exact definiitions , no too long paragaraphs ,
make it short simple and profressional .
hope you would reconsider

The sales page looks great overall!

Hey Glacierice,

Here's some of my feedback: The first problem I noticed is the headline. It states "without going to the gym" and immediately afterwards you mention weight training. When someone tells me that I don't need to go the gym -- I'm assuming I don't need to "workout" not "workout at home with or without weights". I personally don't see the benefit of "without going to the gym" if I still need to workout in general. Maybe save money? But then you're not speaking to your prospect in way that's aligned with conversation going on in your prospect's head.

You may also want to use a superscript to call out your ideal prospect. For example, in the weight loss market you have the group of people who are extremely overweight and whom just want to look better in clothes (i.e Jared from subway)...and then you have the other group who want to look better naked. Your niche would be the latter of those two.

What is your mechanism? The weight loss market is super aware. What is the mechanism that separates you from everyone else? I believe you talk a bit about weight training, intermittent-fasting and calisthenics.

I would stick to one of those. Is this a weight training program or a diet/intermittent-fasting program -- or both? If both, you may want to make one these mechanisms a bonus offer to resolve any objections and to kick them off the fence.

Proof? Can you find studies on intermittent fasting or calisthenics by some credible sources? Also, in your before picture you're pretty lean 13% bf. Most people would kill to get down to that bf %. I'm guessing you're in an ectomorph. If I was an endomorph who puts on body fat easily I probably wouldn't take your program seriously.

I would probably think to myself "That dude is naturally lean! Of course he got his body fat to single digits in only 90 days". So, what I'm saying is you should get some more before and after pictures of other people.

Or you could niche down and have a program for Ectomorphs who want to put on muscle while getting down to single digits of body fat. Maybe that could be your USP? Plus, many ectomorphs can eat pizza, carbs etc and still lose body fat and gain muscle if they lift weights. Which could be added to your USP or "Hook".

Offer/Bonuses: I would add more to your offer. Add some bonuses. An audio course to answer the objection of not having enough time. A future problem bonus. For example, if you're targeting men maybe have some kind of bonus that helps men benefit more (get more dates) from all the extra attention they are receiving from women. Or if you're targeting women a bonus that helps women cope with all the jealousy that comes from their friends, etc. A future problem bonus assumes that your prospect is going to get results.

Also, your price is near the top. I would recommend putting that at the bottom.

Design: Lose the black on top of the page with the white picture that is your headline. Also, it's kinda confusing with the arrows. It looks like a squeeze page that morphed into a sales page.

Anyway, that's my feedback.

-Mike

P.S. What Ewen said about using a logical A+B+C chain to prove your benefits/claims is dead on.

Just a few things from a quick first glance (I havent studied the whole copy)...

The headline I find too long. I would shorten it a little.

I didnt follow the "with less than 10% body fat" - does that mean I lose 10% of my body fat in 90 days, or I end up with just 10% fat left on my body at the end of it ie losing 90%?! (but Im not a weight loss/body building specialist so Im not up on this). But I guess it must surely be the former..

Stay lean for a lifetime... that seems a bit too ambitious a statement to make. Very easy for many people to put on weight again quickly, no matter how much body building people do.

I don't like the 3 arrows pointing down after the intro, I dont think they're necessary.

I notice the display format suddenly splits up from 1 column into 2 column - and then back again. It's a bit confusing, which column should I read first - or does it not matter...

The paragraphs of text are a little too long, need breaking up or shortening.

I found this sentence a bit heavy going: "If I wanted to be like no one ever was, then I would have to do something that no one had ever did".

It's trying to be clever, not really necessary.

I also didnt understand "getting jacked" !!

I wouldnt use "Yes, tell me how to get access etc..." Just say something like "Yes - I Want To Get Started NOW Building A Great Body etc" or something like that. Thats what interests people ie the benefit of it, not the purchase processing stuff.

I didn't like the "Get Ripped Now" - too close psychologically in people's minds to "Get Ripped Off Now". I wouldnt use it for the buy buttons. Just use the "Buy Now" button style that you have at the bottom of the page.

Otherwise, (first impression), the copy text isn't bad, better written than some but still could do with sharpening up.

And the biggest problem I think the copy and the offer has is it doesnt appear to clearly address a specific problem people have with fitness building, at least I couldnt identify it.

As I said, Ive just quickly glanced through it and these are my immediate impressions, I havent read word for word what you are saying or re-read it.

I would eliminate the headline and replace it with testimonials

Thanks for all the suggestions.

Improvements I've made.

Made the page shorter by rearranging the text.
Changed the overall design.
Added 2 "after pics" at the beginning of the page.
Removed the product details at the beginning of the page.
Changed a few headings.
New hook and sub hook in a bigger size font.
Removed the black bg at the beginning.
Made all the headlines stand out by making them red.

Ok...here are my two cents...I looked at your entire page and it wasn't bad overall..

I first would change the headline completely and center it around being healthy overall...take out the part about wet panties...some women will take offense to that...respect their feelings...get the hype out of it....The simple fact is that to be healthy overall you have to eat right and exercise as often as possible...you can't outwork bad nutrition

I am interested in your workout....I want to see what it is about...I will be ordering to try it out...I bookmarked your sales page

Workout routines can get stale...I have done the p90x and insanity....I like them all....I like to do different workouts anyway to keep from getting tired of a routine....

As far as your sales page....overall it's fine...but it does need to be shorter I think...you can make your points quicker and make your offer quicker...and still show all the benefits and have a solid sales page

Keep it real....let the buyer know that you can help them be healthier overall if they do your workout for the specified days you designed it for...explain the exercises more in detail in bullet points

Explain the diet the same way...

I really see nothing wrong with using the gym to make the video of the workout, because people will see with the exercises you do that it can be done in the gym or at home..

It wouldn't hurt to do both...home and the gym....I bought the pull up bar from p90x and put it in the doorway of a bedroom at home and use it in motels when I travel...in one of your pics it looks like you are using a pull up bar in a gym...people can get a pull up bar for their house if they want one

I think you are headed in a good direction...you make a few adjustments and detail more of the benefits and you can sell quite a few of these I think...people need options for workouts anyway

I will be trying your workout and give you my take on it....to me that's the best way to know...

Personally, I don't know why anyone even makes a product like this when there is so much excellent information all over the Internet about this subject. It's just like dieting, I guess, someone will always buy stuff like this.

Like new diets, you'll need to come up with a clear, definitive new angle on this.

(Shoot, it would be refreshing to see an exercise program that would make you look great in a professional business suit. "The Power-Suit Workout" LOL!)

I fully understand that this is a body shaping product, however, let us take a look at diet books for a second. Here is a partial list of the diet books (Letter "A" only).

AARP Diet
Abs Diet
**** Berry Diet
Acid-Alkaline Diets
Acid Reflux Diet
Acne Diet
ADD Diet
ADHD Diet
Aging Cure
Ali Vincent Diet
All Day Energy Diet
Alpha Male Challenge
Al Roker Diet
Alternate Day Diet
Amazing Body Now
Amen Solution
Anabolic Diet
Ani’s Raw Food Asia
Anne Collins Weight Loss Program
Anti-Aging Diet
Anticancer Diet
Anti Estrogenic Diet
Anti-Inflammation Diet
Apo E Gene Diet
A Pound A Day Diet
Ayurvedic Diet
Apple a Day Diet
Apple Cider Vinegar Diet
Aquavore Diet
Arthritis Diet
Asian Diet
Atkins Diet
Autoimmune Disease Diet
Awareness Diet
Aztec Diet

See? Each of these addresses a SPECIFIC angle. This will make your advertising copy easier to write because you won't be a wandering generality with your program.

Anyway, that's just my take, friend.

God Bless!

ELMO

First, as a user point of view, some copy is really cliche like the "Turn Heads, Wet Panties, Demand Respect, And Live Life On The Edge, Far Beyond Your Potential". Ok wet panties?? Hmm..sounds really awkward. Use appropriate words, some might be offending already.

Something is not right: "No Need For A Gym". Are you sure for this? People will be getting stuck thinking "What will i do to secure my body?"

An most specially, please use appealing images. Some images used were not even that catchy.

Your headline is a bit strange. Too many benefits and it raises an eyebrow. It raises the objection "yes, sure, I've heard that before". So consider a new headline and move that to the deck copy. Also, back it up with proof, why I should believe you.

From what I can see, in this market, the main objection is "I've tried something before and I haven't achieved any results". From PX90 to your late night infomercial, they want faster, easier results. Yes, it is easy to achieve these kind of results but only if you put the hard work and the pain required.

Therefore, more proof. A LOT more proof.

Here's what I see.
Your offer sounds like pure nonsense, right off the bat. don't make the prospect think....yeah right! Before they even get to your letter.

You have the right idea, your headline needs to relay benefits and tie directly to your product. You want your headline to grab people and force them to read, soliciting if possible 'what makes you say that?, or, really? let me see!, reactions that is the reaction you want. I would suggest something simple, yet relative. "How I got shredded in 30 days with no money and no gym. , "Give me 10 minutes and I will show you how to go from fat to where it's at", pique their curiosity and drive them down the page because you can have the most fabulous, mouth watering copy, so juicy it will rip the cash out of their wallet like a rocket, but if you don't get them in the first 3 -6 seconds you lost em,case in point I didn't read the rest of the letter.

I wish you much success with it.
-WD

Where can I advertise? I tried Bing Ads and its shit.

Ye so I need to get a great sales letter.

I don't know anything about marketing though. I've made a few sales but not anywhere near what I want to make.

Does anyone that knows some things about marketing want to partner up? We'll split profits 50/50.

I've made a whole new, superior sales page. My old one didn't convert so I improved everything I can.

Wrote a whole new sales-letter myself, targeted at skinny guys
The sales page is all about calisthenics and speaking to my audience (skinny guys)
Created a new professional, neat, slick looking design
Added background color to the texts so they're not floating
Added more pictures and the copy I wrote has less words
Created a bonus ebook and added it on the sales page
Made a new page for the testimonials and linked the 2 pages together. This way potential customers can go back and forth thru the pages and make up their mind

I cashed in a lot of time and effort in this. I legitly believe this product can become a success. And I feel accomplished.

weightstenics.com
weightstenics.com/testimonials