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"How Do You Become A Man Women Lust After?" Email Copy [Open for Critique]

by Wrenn
13 replies
Hey all, thanks for stopping by! I've got a new email copy I would be grateful to get some feedback on. It's explores a very fun topic: character traits to emphasize to communicate high sexual value. So I think you'll enjoy it

How Do You Become A Man Women Lust After? 6 Essential Character Traits ALL Desirable Men Share [LINK REMOVED]

-Calle
#copy #critique #email #open
  • Profile picture of the author pewpewpewmonkeys
    Why would I want to become a man woman?
    Signature
    Some cause-oriented hackers recently hacked one of my websites. So I researched what they're about and then donated a large sum of money to the entity they hate the most.

    The next time they hack one of my websites I'm going to donate DOUBLE.
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      You make a very common mistake that
      what you say is believed.

      It starts in the first sentence and you never
      shut up the nagging thought, "is this true?".

      Best,
      Doctor E. Vile
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  • Profile picture of the author Wrenn
    Hey guys, thanks for reading.

    Dr. E. Vile: Hmm, so you're suggesting that it is short on ethos and needs some more credible research to back up it's claims? That could be hard, as the book I'm promoting doesn't make many references to external authorities either. Any suggestions for how to address this issue?

    Thanks,
    Calle
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Originally Posted by Wrenn View Post

      Hey guys, thanks for reading.

      Dr. E. Vile: Hmm, so you're suggesting that it is short on ethos and needs some more credible research to back up it's claims? That could be hard, as the book I'm promoting doesn't make many references to external authorities either. Any suggestions for how to address this issue?

      Thanks,
      Calle
      What can you come up with to prove what you say is true?

      Best,
      Doctor E. Vile
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  • Profile picture of the author elmo033057
    This looks more like a free report format than copy.

    God Bless!

    ELMO
    Signature
    Mark "Elmo" Ellis
    "When It Comes To High Response Copy - I've Got Your Back!"
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    • Profile picture of the author Wrenn
      Originally Posted by elmo033057 View Post

      This looks more like a free report format than copy.

      God Bless!

      ELMO
      Hi Elmo, thanks for commenting. I'm not sure what you're trying to distinguish though. The purpose of this piece is to persuade the reader to buy the product and influence their beliefs. Maybe you meant to say that this copy looks like it's in free report format to you? If so, maybe you're right. I'm not intimately familiar with the term though.

      -Calle
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  • Profile picture of the author aire
    Love your company name " Girls Chase Inc " lol
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  • Profile picture of the author RogozRazvan
    I would go for a lead magnet approach instead.

    Like "Three Steps To Get Her To Like You" instead of a reference type of email.

    And yes, the main objection ... why should I believe you? People like to rationalize and admitting that they are wrong is painful on a psychological level.

    It is hard to get your prospect to say ...

    "Wow, I've been wrong my entire life. I'm the kind of guy that proves low sexual value. From tomorrow, I'm going to hit the gym, exercise talking in the mirror and act as I own the place. Actually, as I own the entire city".

    Check David DeAngelo. This example is found in Double Your Dating eBook and he makes a very good case for it.
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  • Profile picture of the author Bill Jeffels
    I couldn't even get past the headline...
    Originally Posted by Wrenn View Post

    How Do You Become A Man Women Lust
    After?
    Change it to...How Do You Become A Man That Women Lust After?

    Adding that one word will make a huge difference.


    Bill

    .
    Signature
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  • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
    1) Assumptions without proof.

    2) CUT CUT CUT OMG WAY TOO MANY WORDS. I'm not saying that in the sense that every sales letter has a just right length. I'm saying in the sense that I could say exactly what you said in half the words. Why make them dig for what you're trying to say?

    3) Too many $5 words. Supplicate. Really? How many people outside this forum do you think could define that without referencing dictionary.com? Yes, you defined immediately afterward. But why put out something you have to define when you could just get to the damn point?

    4) Sounds like a lot of work. The other PUAs make it sound like all I have to go up to her and say is, "salad is definitely the right choice for keeping that figure nice and trim" or some such other negging BS and she'll hike up her skirt then and there.

    5) I get that you're new and you're learning. In fact, I'm seriously impressed by the fact that you're offering yourself up for skewering and keep coming back to try again. That said, if all you do is ask for critiques, talking to you gets a little old.
    Signature

    Aspiring copywriters: if you need 1:1 advice from an experienced copy chief, head over to my Phone a Friend page.

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    • Profile picture of the author Wrenn
      Originally Posted by angiecolee View Post

      1) Assumptions without proof.

      2) CUT CUT CUT OMG WAY TOO MANY WORDS. I'm not saying that in the sense that every sales letter has a just right length. I'm saying in the sense that I could say exactly what you said in half the words. Why make them dig for what you're trying to say?

      3) Too many $5 words. Supplicate. Really? How many people outside this forum do you think could define that without referencing dictionary.com? Yes, you defined immediately afterward. But why put out something you have to define when you could just get to the damn point?

      4) Sounds like a lot of work. The other PUAs make it sound like all I have to go up to her and say is, "salad is definitely the right choice for keeping that figure nice and trim" or some such other negging BS and she'll hike up her skirt then and there.

      5) I get that you're new and you're learning. In fact, I'm seriously impressed by the fact that you're offering yourself up for skewering and keep coming back to try again. That said, if all you do is ask for critiques, talking to you gets a little old.

      Angie, thanks for stopping by! Some great tips. I have some thinking to do...

      -Calle
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  • Profile picture of the author Complex
    [DELETED]
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    • Profile picture of the author Wrenn
      Hey there Complex,

      I actually work for Chase, so this isn't just some "mock crap". It'll probably actually get sent. But yeah, you do have some good points anyway -- the list is all important.

      Cheers,
      Calle


      Originally Posted by Complex View Post

      I'm going to go against the herd here. And say this: No one knows what that e-mail would or would not do. Because the main variable is missing: The list it would be sent to.

      At my peak in dating/seduction/pua ... I had 16 lists. They did NOT all respond the same. At all.

      To the right list, that e-mail might actually fly.

      Be careful.

      Because most of these folks think you are Chase.

      Which means ... they are not knee deep in that market. If they were, they would have come across girlschase.com before. That site used to rank for a LOT of terms in Google.

      Even surface level research from someone in that market would have turned that up.

      So ...

      You are getting opinions from folks not in that space. Who haven't built different lists that responded to different approaches ...

      And it's a phantom e-mail.

      It's never going to be mailed to anyone.

      Mock-writing is masturbation. Stop it. Build a list in a market and market to that list.

      That's the ONLY way to learn IMO. Because it's no longer theory ... it's raw data you can't argue with.

      You are hurting yourself if all you do is write mock crap.

      Write real e-mails to real lists and make real money.

      That's how you get good. And how you learn that there is no "one way" to do things, even in the same space. Lists are like snowflakes. Even in the same exact space ... 2 different lists will respond very differently.

      P.S. One of those lists I used to have back in the day ... would have most likely responded well to that e-mail. You can write. You already proved that.

      Now you have to do the rest. Market. Which means build lists that you can convert into cash.

      No more jerking it. No more fantasies. Time to make your approach ... and see how she responds.

      The ONLY way you know you are GOOD is when she's smiling UP at you.

      ;-)
      P.S. True, very true
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  • Profile picture of the author Wrenn
    Thank you for all your helpful comments! I've done some final edits and now I'm passing it along, so I'm taking down the link.

    See you around the forum,

    Calle
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