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Want Sales Copy that gets thru the Clutter? . . .

by Skystar
11 replies
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You gotta stand out! You gotta be different! You _Gotta Sock 'em'!

Not this -

"Highly motivated business executive seeks a dynamic position to effectively align my skill set with an organized framework for growth with fair compensation for the substantial value I will add to your . . ." yada, yada yada

Boring! Doesn't say anything!

But this - it was done for a client looking for an innovative sales pro:

CHUMP CHANGE!

Looking for a little job where you sit around killing time, earn just enough to get by working for a mediocre company that micro-manages you to death?

FORGET IT!

Instead, how about connecting with a BIG money opportunity and a chance to break into the $100K club _quick_? Want to make enough money to buy a new home, drive a new car, eat out whenever you want, take first-class vacations and have enough money for solid savings?

Then here's what you've been waiting for!

We're looking for a hard-core dynamo driven by success and completely money motivated. A hot-shot who knows the sweet smell of success, who saw the movie Wall Street and said "Hell yes!" when Gordon Gekko stated that "Greed is good!" If you're qualified to be part of a great team . . " etc, etc.
#clutter #copy #sales
  • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
    1. Wrong place for this if you're looking to hire.

    2. I have no idea what you're asking for. Your subject line suggests you're selling. Your thread copy suggests you're looking to hire.
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  • Profile picture of the author Skystar
    Huh? The post was an example of successful sales copy. Has nothing to do with selling anything.,
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    • Profile picture of the author Libman
      Originally Posted by Skystar View Post

      Huh? The post was an example of successful sales copy. Has nothing to do with selling anything.,
      Successful sales copy has EVERYTHING do to with selling ANYTHING.

      I got what you meant, Sky. I didn't take it as anything other than a good example.
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      • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
        Originally Posted by Libman View Post

        Successful sales copy has EVERYTHING do to with selling ANYTHING.

        I got what you meant, Sky. I didn't take it as anything other than a good example.
        I'd urge you to examine your definition of "good example". My definition of good is something that has worked out in the field. The message doesn't always resonate with me, sure (hello ALL of the PUA market). But I understand what makes them good, how they work with their respective markets.

        This? I'm not even sure I understand what the OP is trying to say. I'm happy to hear clarification on the matter. But be careful jumping on bandwagons before you know where they're heading.
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        • Profile picture of the author Libman
          Originally Posted by angiecolee View Post

          I'd urge you to examine your definition of "good example". My definition of good is something that has worked out in the field. The message doesn't always resonate with me, sure (hello ALL of the PUA market). But I understand what makes them good, how they work with their respective markets.

          This? I'm not even sure I understand what the OP is trying to say. I'm happy to hear clarification on the matter. But be careful jumping on bandwagons before you know where they're heading.
          Well, I can tell this one is heading down the shitter.
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          • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
            Originally Posted by Libman View Post

            Well, I can tell this one is heading down the shitter.
            Alrighty then. If you say so.
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    • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
      Your second statement...

      Originally Posted by Skystar View Post

      Has nothing to do with selling anything.,
      Is truer than your first...

      Originally Posted by Skystar View Post

      The post was an example of successful sales copy,
      Let me guess -- you just read a book about establishing expert status by telling people how it's done? It claimed that you didn't have to really be an expert to position yourself as one?

      Throw that book away and go grab some stuff by Dan Kennedy, Claude Hopkins, Gary Halbert, Drew Eric Whitman, John Carlton. Learn first, teach later.

      You'll get a lot more accomplished that way.
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  • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
    Well then I guess my confusion comes from the message itself.

    Not to knock your epiphany, but yeah. Yeah, getting through the clutter... that's what we do. We are pro copywriters (or aspiring pros), after all.

    Are you targeting newbies with this knowledge? 'Cause my immediate thought after reading this was, "so what?" I see no why or how or tests or tweaks that would turn this into a teaching moment. So all I'm left with when reading this is.... cut through the clutter by standing out.

    Duh.
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  • Profile picture of the author JKirby
    The only thing I got from it was the two examples were not at all related...

    The first is about someone seeking a job...

    The second 'improved' example is someone trying to hire...

    I don't get the intent.
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  • Profile picture of the author shawnlebrun
    I'll second Angie's comments... and this is actually a good post to talk about in the copy
    forum.

    If there's a disconnect between your headline and the rest of the letter or the offer...
    your visitor will be confused. And confused visitors don't buy.

    Your headline catches attention... the lead should "pay off" the headline
    and be something that reinforces the benefit/promise in the headline.

    If there's a disconnect between your headline (or email subject line, etc)
    and the rest of the copy... you'll lose people.

    Reading this, I have no idea what it's for... if it's an ad, or an example of
    what "good copy" is supposed to be.

    Again, confusion kills conversion.

    Gotta start right away with the big idea/promise... and stick with
    it throughout.

    One big idea/promise/problem solved throughout the copy.

    And make sure it all is related... if it goes off course... you're done.
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  • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
    ^ this. All of this.

    It's something I have been working on with my junior copywriter. Thankfully she's amazingly quick and gets it. But even I struggle with it from time to time.

    All the more reason to take a break from what you're doing and let it rest before coming back to edit. Don't just check for grammar and spelling. Also check for flow and logical sense.

    You have to be your own worst critic and most demanding editor, or find someone you trust that will gleefully rip your work to shreds.

    Your customers certainly won't be as forgiving if/when they catch those mistakes.
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