Review my "about me" page / landing page

Nice job Chad.

A couple things jumped out at me...

1. I would tie the "perfect hire" hook to yourself in the benefits section. I know it's implied, but consider stating it directly. Something along the lines of "I'm as close to a perfect hire as you'll find."

2. For what it's worth, "Metallica of 'Jedi mind trick' copy" is mixing metaphors.

Just a couple things to think about... not trying to be critical in any way.

Alex

Perfect feedback! Thanks Alex. Please be as critical as you like

Hi Chad,

1- the colour scheme looks good, natural flowing colours.

2- Your picture looks and feels honest

3- Testimonials are kind of too 'distracting'. I would move those to the bottom of your page.

4- Colours of testimonial blocks are too mismatched. They kind of are a turn off (for me). It's the position of them (should be on the right side or down towards the bottom).

5- They will be judging you and wanting to read more about your qualities first then your testimonials second.

Hope this helps!

I have to agree with Alex's disagreement Rory, they've been placed very deliberately.

Could definitely work on the colours of those testimonials though, appreciate your feedback!

Amateurish. None of this strikes a chord with me. "The Metallica of copywriting"? Puh-leese

Chad...
I've been in this game a long while. I've worked for multinational agencies. I've had my own shop. I've hired and fired writers and designers. What I'm looking for is "different" - not the same old "trying too hard" crap.

If you're going to use references... tell me about them. Who are they? What have they done? How good are they? And I could care less if you're "laugh out loud funny". Funny doesn't pay the bills.

Are you really a content-writer who's calling himself a copywriter? Sounds like it to me.

But that aside... you need to WOW me. There's nothing on this page that's worth a damn. You would be better off writing some imaginary spots. SHOW me how good you are. Don't TELL me.

Have a look at this copy. If I had to choose between you and he... who do you think I'd go for?

I'd get rid of that second "testimonial", which is from the same place as the first, and reads more like a job description... and a job description for someone who isn't a Copywriter...

Taking all this on board, but "copywriter" has a different definition at agencies here than the online elitist definition (the one I happen to agree with). Plus, some of the jobs I'm negotiating for at the moment are related to content. Not a ton of copy work out there right now. There's a lot of upskilling / role crossing happening.

I've done the freelance thing, but my preference is for agency work.

As for testimonials, both are direct contacts of the people who will be looking at this page, which will essentially just be an online portfolio.

Copy Nazi, I appreciate what you're saying and I love the AdWords thing. I don't think the recruiters and hiring managers I'm talking to would "get it" if I took out valid testimonials in place of jokes about being raised by wolves though.

I'll think about how I can make it stand out and pop more, but there are certain specifics at play here.

I do like the example you posted though. Could definitely take some pointers from it.

My job title was Junior Copywriter. I got the job because I'd written copy for clients as a freelancer. I was put on a freelance contract to see how I'd handle agency life. While there, a lot of the copy work dried up so I wound up helping with content quite a bit. At the moment, there are more content jobs than copy jobs open.

I can work on being more creative though, :p

And yet you write this - Do you think anyone gives a toss about any of that? As Chopper used to say "Harden Up". You're all hurt because I tore your copy to shreds. That's what it's like in the real world. In a real advertising agency where millions of dollars are at stake. If you get all defensive and want to be a cry-baby you shouldn't be in this business. There's no "specifics at play" here. You're looking for copywriting work. So sell yourself. Borrow from Halbert - here's a gun to your head - why should we hire you to write the copy for the launch of "Big Bertha's Organic Home-Baked Biscuits"? And it's not because you're a funny b*stard who works and plays well with others and likes to get legless on Friday nights.

Hahaha, alright alright point taken.

Interesting note: That line wasn't originally in there. It was suggested by a hiring manager to be added to show I'm a good cultural fit as well as a professional one. At my agency a lot of people were musicians and every Friday night drinks were had. Do you think making sure I'm a cultural fit is irrelevant, or would you suggest doing it in a different way?

I wasn't really hurt. It's just tough to strike a balance between what a competent copywriter on a forum is saying and what people in the industry I'm directly trying to appeal to are saying.

Specifics = not NECESSARILY a copy job, because there are hardly any. I'm also going for content jobs. Also that the testimonials don't need explaining because they're known by the people who will be seeing this. That's all I meant.

The "About Us" page from the mob you were working for. Typical agency mumbo-jumbo.

But scrolling down I see some of their clients - Foxtel, GE Money, Mazda and Vic Roads. Why didn't you talk about some of these campaigns?

They got B & T Magazine's "Victorian Agency of the Year" and were shortlisted for a Cannes Lion. So why didn't you mention any of that? Would help your pitch wouldn't you say?

And...it's part of the Clemenger Group.

I'm still trying to get my head around their tag on the homepage - "We make people more valuable to brands".

Do you wonder why I left that world?

Yep, should have mentioned that. Great point.

Should have mentioned in the OP, this is basically just a portfolio page for Melbourne agency applications specifically.

The portfolio is supposed to show creativity though, so given all this feedback I'll definitely have to think about how I can make it a much more infectious and unique experience.

Great book. Great movie. (1947)

Haha, so poignant.

Copy Nazi you've given me a lot to think about, and a few very key lessons. I didn't mean to seem unappreciative or defensive, if I ever did.

Thanks very much. This thread is why I post on the Warrior Forum.

My recommendation?

Don't waste valuable space telling them what they already know. They know the difficulties surrounding finding the right talent. Entire industries have been built around solving this problem. Are you selling those guys or selling yourself?

Mal is definitely right about playing up your involvement with some of these big campaigns. I started as a freelancer out of desperation. I cherry picked the best stuff and leveraged it into better and better roles. I weaseled my way into results meetings or dug for reports on shared drives and pulled every relevant stat I could find. I tried my hand at any project they'd give me even if I had no clue what I was doing because it was great learning.

Everything I do is with an eye on what's next. You've got a tremendous advantage over all the other aspiring agency writers that cropped up in the wake of Mad Men. Make that advantage work for you.

Chad,

a few random things.

"Making the Perfect Hire" = too ideal and unrealistic. There IS no perfect hire. Only some hires which are better than others.

That picture of that "Digital Services Manager".. It caught my eye but more because it looks a bit odd, maybe its the colours.

I don't like "superstar" and "leech". A very long sentence follows on from that. Cut it in half.

and another guitar player (yawn). Why do guitar/rock/superstar always have to be mentioned? Leave them at home in the cupboard where they belong.

I find the thread of what you are saying difficult to follow.. you talk about the risk in hiring unknowns, I wonder if this convinces.

dont understand "off the chain". is that good, bad, indifferent ?? Or maybe it's an Aussie turn of phrase.

"Now I'm available for hire etc and when I get back I'm looking for a nice juicy project etc".
- Not strident enough.

Agree with CopyNazi re "insalubrious" - dont use clever-ass unusual words like that. Who uses words like that in everyday speech - even in ad agencies?

TELL them to take a look at your blog articles, don't ask them. And give them a good reason why you are telling them.

"close to a perfect hire as you're gonna find" -- really? You may be a great hire, but I dont believe anyone who says they are close to a perfect hire for one moment.

You've worked with some of Aus biggest brands - I think you should make this part of your hook, you are too modest about it. This should be your strong selling point. Don't just tell them to go to LinkedIn, tell them more about it on your site and get more out of it while they are reading.

"I’ve been tested in every way an advertising agency can test" - you sound like a tin of cat food.

"make you look like the slickest hiring manager".. does flattery work here?

finally the copy just ends with "want to chat". = A wasted opportunity.

Get them to email you - contact form - call to action. Prospects are much more likely to fill in a contact form (if its short) if all they have to do is enter an email and click on "send" than want to mess around trying to arrange a chat very first thing. Make it easy for them.