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Please would you critique my copy for services.

by richh
11 replies
Hello everybody,

I want to seek some advice here about the effectiveness of the copy I currently use.

This copy will be used on a website, selling almost completely services.

I've been browsing the forum, and read a lot of very interesting posts. However, I've yet to find some examples that *I* can really learn from, unless i'm missing something? I'm no copywriter for sure, but I do want to learn as much as I'm able to.

Some copy below:

Computer repairs (Hyperlink to section on repair, I specifically want to improve my ctr)
Experience real computer service, real dedication and commitment to your problems. Skip the clueless managers, and rest assured knowing we're out to give you the value that others take away.

Computer upgrades & replacement parts (Hyperlink to section again)
Obtain upgrades & parts for laptop computers & desktop pcs. Replace your laptop screen,
keyboard, or other faulty parts. No matter your requirements, we have something for you. Kids want the latest computer game? Is your PC ready to retire? Sick of lagging computer performance? If this is you, do yourself a favour and get in contact today, you won't regret it!

And so on...

All advice welcomed. Please be as critical and honest as possible.

More can be provided, this is just an initial basis, so as to avoid overly long posts.

Thanks,

Rich
#copy #critque #difficulty #services
  • Profile picture of the author redfc
    Originally Posted by richh View Post

    Hello everybody,

    I want to seek some advice here about the effectiveness of the copy I currently use.

    This copy will be used on a website, selling almost completely services.

    I've been browsing the forum, and read a lot of very interesting posts. However, I've yet to find some examples that *I* can really learn from, unless i'm missing something? I'm no copywriter for sure, but I do want to learn as much as I'm able to.

    Some copy below:

    Computer repairs (Hyperlink to section on repair, I specifically want to improve my ctr)
    Experience real computer service, real dedication and commitment to your problems. Skip the clueless managers, and rest assured knowing we're out to give you the value that others take away.

    Computer upgrades & replacement parts (Hyperlink to section again)
    Obtain upgrades & parts for laptop computers & desktop pcs. Replace your laptop screen,
    keyboard, or other faulty parts. No matter your requirements, we have something for you. Kids want the latest computer game? Is your PC ready to retire? Sick of lagging computer performance? If this is you, do yourself a favour and get in contact today, you won't regret it!

    And so on...

    All advice welcomed. Please be as critical and honest as possible.

    More can be provided, this is just an initial basis, so as to avoid overly long posts.

    Thanks,

    Rich
    Hi Richh,

    Firstly, is your objective having a website to sell to local customer only? If it is, would it be better off to advertise on local media (just my own thought).

    Having a site to sell - then go and sell globally since your site is reaching out to global customers. Since you are having globally reachable setup (a website), might as well look into selling to people around the world.
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    • Profile picture of the author richh
      Hi redfc,

      My primary goal is to sell to English/Spanish people within my local locality of Spain, and the nearby towns/cities in the region. e.g. direct services such as repairs and the like.

      Secondary audience is anyone else speaking those languages wherever they might be for things such as hosting & web design, remote support etc.

      I already advertise in 2 local publications, as well as a monthly print article.

      Had clients from Mexico and Spain thus far, but can't help but feel this copy I have would detract from the overall value of the site. ie. less click through's to relevant categories.

      It's basically a redesign of the current situation of our older website. New graphic designer, cleaner code, etc. Contacted a marketing specialist.

      Just want some feedback before the deed is done really.

      Reference of what I have now is attached.

      Thanks,

      Rich
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  • Profile picture of the author redfc
    Hi richh,

    Sorry for coming back late. Been a bit of busy lately.

    I can't read your thumbnail its not clear even I zoom in, what's the url? you are not allow to post link here but you can do it this way. www domainname dot com
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    • Profile picture of the author richh
      Hello again redfc,

      Appreciate you taking the time to help as and when you're able to.

      I thought image might of been a tad on the small side..

      You can see what I'm working with currently at: www dot sol-computers dot es

      Beware though as things might still be a little messy, and a couple sections aren't finished entirely.

      Thanks,

      Rich
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  • Profile picture of the author RentItNow
    Just a comment but that site is way too busy just to sell a couple services. You need to focus more. Sit and write a whole page that describes your customers and only place on the site what they are looking for.

    What is confusing is on your consulting page you are speaking of high-end services for business yet on the main page you are focusing on game systems, kids, etc. You need to decide on which customer you are servicing and THEIR needs.

    Cut out the techese also if that customer is not a techie. If you are trying to attract CTOs, speak like a CTO not a computer tech.
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    I have no agenda but to help those in the same situation. This I feel will pay the bills.
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    • Profile picture of the author richh
      Hello RentItNow,

      Thanks for your comments. I've tried to be fairly specific and use general language as much as possible.

      The trouble is we do target 2 audiences, small local business & home consumer. To drop one or the other, would mean losing about a third of our core income.

      It simply isn't possible. Though I agree the site is very busy.

      Thankyou,

      Rich
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      • Profile picture of the author RentItNow
        Originally Posted by richh View Post

        Hello RentItNow,

        Thanks for your comments. I've tried to be fairly specific and use general language as much as possible.

        The trouble is we do target 2 audiences, small local business & home consumer. To drop one or the other, would mean losing about a third of our core income.

        It simply isn't possible. Though I agree the site is very busy.

        Thankyou,

        Rich
        I'm going to tell you this from 24 years of business experience (not just rentals but working for fortune 500 companies), pick one customer and stick with it. Your other option is to make 2 companies.

        I had this same business. I failed until I went completely niche and served only LAWYERS because I knew I understood them. I still got business from their families (kids computers, etc.) but the Lawyers computer consulting is what built it to a huge consulting business constantly making money. If I had to estimate the direction I chose it was worth maybe one million in income.

        Focus and do not faulter is the biggest business lesson I learned.
        Signature
        I have no agenda but to help those in the same situation. This I feel will pay the bills.
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  • Profile picture of the author Collette
    Originally Posted by richh View Post

    ...
    This copy will be used on a website, selling almost completely (computer-related) services.

    I've been browsing the forum, and read a lot of very interesting posts. However, I've yet to find some examples that *I* can really learn from, unless i'm missing something? I'm no copywriter for sure, but I do want to learn as much as I'm able to.

    ...Rich
    Most of the discussions here center around direct response copy. However, you can still find useful takeaway info for your site.

    Here's a (very) basic 4-step direct response 'formula':
    1. Tell what you got
    2. Tell them why they need it
    3. Tell them why they should get it from you
    4. Tell them how to get it
    So, taking them in order:

    1. Tell them what you got
    You have computer repair and maintenance services, and IT services. But your home page doesn't tell me that. I have to figure it out looking at the services you offer.

    "What you got" isn't a list of the services you offer. Your list items are the features of what you offer - the way you make what you really offer produce a promised result.

    So... what ARE you promising here? Right now, not much.

    Figure out why your company stands apart from your competitors. What can you do bigger, better, stronger, faster, whatever - that's going to make your prospect's life wonderful when they use you.

    For example: let's say you're the best around at cleaning nasty viral crap out of systems. And because you're the best, it takes you half the time it takes your competitors.

    Your prospect gets faster computers, no hacked data, peace of mind, etc - in half the time.

    2. Tell them why they need it

    Why do people need to have their computers or intra-net systems maintained? What's the benefit of regular maintenance? What are they going to get if you come in and fiddle with their stuff?

    3. Tell them why they should get it from you

    This is where you list your services (look, Mr. Prospect, at all the lovely ways I can make your life easier!) and your qualifications. And your client testimonials, supporting blurbs of approval, and research, articles, or recent news items that support your premise that people should have their computers dealt with by professionals (like you).

    4. Tell them how to get it

    Contact form. Or lead generating device, such as a free secuirty audit (which you offer, but bury in your sidebar), or a free report on how they can keep their computers secure (again, see: sidebar).

    Now you have 3 ways to capture contact and followup info. Instead of sitting around hoping people will be so awed by your web site that they will leap to the phone for your services.

    The fact is that most candidates for your service aren't going to think of you until, or unless, they have a problem. You're going to have to do a little work to get on to their field of vision, so that when they DO need a computer specialits, you're the first one they think of.
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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    Blah!

    Go get Drew Eric Whitman's book "Ca$hvertising" - read it TWICE,
    write several drafts of your ad and then come back asking for
    a critique.

    Or tell your marketing specialist to read the book, if that's the person
    who wrote your copy.

    I recommend this specific book to you because it has incredible
    copywriting advice in it for marketing services.
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    • Profile picture of the author richh
      Hi Loren,

      Seems like sound advice, I'll be seeking out that book.

      I realise I mentioned that I'd contacted a marketing specialist. But so far it is only being reviewed, so they can offer their own input at a later stage.

      Originally, I'd wrote the copy myself. So the point of asking for a critique now, was to avoid making it worse later.

      Thankyou for your input,

      Rich
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  • Profile picture of the author redfc
    Hi Richh,

    Rentitnow has got a good point. Would it be possible to have two website for the two market segment at least? Corporate and Home users.

    Eventually you'll have to focus on one that make you most money.
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