Please critque my video script and landing page copy
Hey guys,
Just looking for some advice on my script of a new landing page video we are filming, as well as the landing copy itself.
*I've recently engaged two other copywriters which asked some great questions, so I'll post those below for those of you that want to learn more about my audience, objectives, program, etc to better assist me.
Here's a link to the script for the sales page video, we're replacing that horrid animated front page video.
^ That is designed to sell the system in a few minutes, so hoping someone can take a look over it and voice their opinions on how good a job it does at selling the system.
Here's a links to the sales page. If you'd like a premium account for the system, sign up for a free trial, shoot me a note and I'll upgrade you to premium.
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Description - The core service of Car33ring; is our 11 module system which holds the hand of the customer through the job search process. It's a step-by-step guide designed by a career coach to help you get a job much quicker.
Purpose - The purpose is to get the customer a job ideally. It differs from other products as it's a full system. It isn't just a resume advice program or tips for the interview; it's a full system taking you through every module. Also focuses on networking which people have a lot of difficulty with.
Features - 11 modules, over 100 pages of content, not sure what other facts to add? Something like the average time it takes a customer to get a job when using our system would be good but that's a hard stat to quantify. Any ideas?
Benefits - Does all of the above, designed to make getting a job easier and quicken the process, as well as save money otherwise spent on career coaching services (we also up sell this).
USP - Full comprehensive system, covering all aspects of the job search system <--- I understand this isn't powerful enough and perhaps it isn't the greatest feature in your observation? The key is that there are no gimmicks, it's an all you need to know system to get a job written by an accredited career coach - just need to know if this is a powerful enough statement.
Competition - Similar products include free career advice blogs, however, they aren't step-by-step systems which are expressed in detail. Additional to that, there's a number of similar systems, that either aren't well explained or don't go into the same detail.
Positioning - We're thinking about making the price $20/month as opposed to $75/6 months and adding a further value point of an extra modules to help once you're in the job (things like how to get a raise, how to fit in with the culture, and eventually how to move on covering all those questions people wonder about). Interested to hear your thoughts on this. We're also the only system I see really doing this in Australia - much smaller market than the US, bu maybe that'll work to our advantage?
Company - Core company is a recruitment agencies, have a team of 9 recruiters with 15+ years experience each. Program written by an executive coach and career strategist (not by an internet marketer with some interest in the industry that has rehashed the content). Owner has 20 years experience managing, hiring staff, vice president of the equal employment opportunity network, cert IV in business coaching, ICF accredited member.
Prospect - Another thing we need to iron out. Initially we've targeted people within the age group of 20 - 65 years old, however, I understand that is far too broad to communicate directly too. As an example, we set up an affiliate page for a partner with a mature aged audience (think 50+) - this has converted decently well. This is it. Now that focuses on the one age group and you can therefore communicate the same message effectively. Ideal target I believe is male or female, aged between 35 and 50, income level of $50k+, family situation looks most like either divorced with kids or still married with kids. Lifestyle and general description looks like they enjoy self development, learning and trust online systems - may be starting to struggle having been unemployed for a few months and are looking for a system to relieve some pressure and feel like they are actually making progress. Most likely targeting management type level; they tend to have the money to not worry about taking a free trial but rather skip directly to the premium system. Their biggest concern/fear is that they won't find employment soon, and that they are slowly falling behind on the payments they need to work to pay for. They are afraid that their competitors in the job market are being positioned better than them. Customer will take two approaches to using the product, they'll either select the module they currently need help with and work through it - or they'll work through it in a step-by step process - really depends where they're at. Obviously appeals to their emotional sense and sense of security; ideally will help them fell more secure and reignite their spark to keep trying to find that next job.
Additionally, prospect may be looking for a cheaper soloution to paying $250 an hour for a one on one car33ring coaching session.
Secondary Prospects - Something we've spoken about is two other markets we currently don't cater to. These include the graduate market and the international market (people coming from third world countries or those which have different customs/cultures to us). We'll look into developing that market when we succeed/fail with the current market. The bosses also want to sell this to companies that can't afford outplacement for employees they're laying off, I think that's far too much to focus on and rather keep it focused and targeted.
Objective - To sell the system! Potentially to up sell career coaching or resume correction/writing services we plan on offering.
Offer - Free trial currently available as a 7 day trial of the resume module. Thinking about changing this to a one day trial of the whole system. Currently premium system is available at $75 for 6 months, however, thinking about changing this to $20/month. Thoughts?
Taboos - Technically, we can't promise they'll get the job. We can assist them, but if they don't employ the techniques or are just a poor unskilled candidate in general, we can't guarantee they'll get a job.
*Apologies for the annoying '33s'; done for SEO purposes
----
Looking forward to what people think and can recommend and apologies for the wall of text!
Cheers
Just looking for some advice on my script of a new landing page video we are filming, as well as the landing copy itself.
*I've recently engaged two other copywriters which asked some great questions, so I'll post those below for those of you that want to learn more about my audience, objectives, program, etc to better assist me.
Here's a link to the script for the sales page video, we're replacing that horrid animated front page video.
^ That is designed to sell the system in a few minutes, so hoping someone can take a look over it and voice their opinions on how good a job it does at selling the system.
Here's a links to the sales page. If you'd like a premium account for the system, sign up for a free trial, shoot me a note and I'll upgrade you to premium.
----
Description - The core service of Car33ring; is our 11 module system which holds the hand of the customer through the job search process. It's a step-by-step guide designed by a career coach to help you get a job much quicker.
Purpose - The purpose is to get the customer a job ideally. It differs from other products as it's a full system. It isn't just a resume advice program or tips for the interview; it's a full system taking you through every module. Also focuses on networking which people have a lot of difficulty with.
Features - 11 modules, over 100 pages of content, not sure what other facts to add? Something like the average time it takes a customer to get a job when using our system would be good but that's a hard stat to quantify. Any ideas?
Benefits - Does all of the above, designed to make getting a job easier and quicken the process, as well as save money otherwise spent on career coaching services (we also up sell this).
USP - Full comprehensive system, covering all aspects of the job search system <--- I understand this isn't powerful enough and perhaps it isn't the greatest feature in your observation? The key is that there are no gimmicks, it's an all you need to know system to get a job written by an accredited career coach - just need to know if this is a powerful enough statement.
Competition - Similar products include free career advice blogs, however, they aren't step-by-step systems which are expressed in detail. Additional to that, there's a number of similar systems, that either aren't well explained or don't go into the same detail.
Positioning - We're thinking about making the price $20/month as opposed to $75/6 months and adding a further value point of an extra modules to help once you're in the job (things like how to get a raise, how to fit in with the culture, and eventually how to move on covering all those questions people wonder about). Interested to hear your thoughts on this. We're also the only system I see really doing this in Australia - much smaller market than the US, bu maybe that'll work to our advantage?
Company - Core company is a recruitment agencies, have a team of 9 recruiters with 15+ years experience each. Program written by an executive coach and career strategist (not by an internet marketer with some interest in the industry that has rehashed the content). Owner has 20 years experience managing, hiring staff, vice president of the equal employment opportunity network, cert IV in business coaching, ICF accredited member.
Prospect - Another thing we need to iron out. Initially we've targeted people within the age group of 20 - 65 years old, however, I understand that is far too broad to communicate directly too. As an example, we set up an affiliate page for a partner with a mature aged audience (think 50+) - this has converted decently well. This is it. Now that focuses on the one age group and you can therefore communicate the same message effectively. Ideal target I believe is male or female, aged between 35 and 50, income level of $50k+, family situation looks most like either divorced with kids or still married with kids. Lifestyle and general description looks like they enjoy self development, learning and trust online systems - may be starting to struggle having been unemployed for a few months and are looking for a system to relieve some pressure and feel like they are actually making progress. Most likely targeting management type level; they tend to have the money to not worry about taking a free trial but rather skip directly to the premium system. Their biggest concern/fear is that they won't find employment soon, and that they are slowly falling behind on the payments they need to work to pay for. They are afraid that their competitors in the job market are being positioned better than them. Customer will take two approaches to using the product, they'll either select the module they currently need help with and work through it - or they'll work through it in a step-by step process - really depends where they're at. Obviously appeals to their emotional sense and sense of security; ideally will help them fell more secure and reignite their spark to keep trying to find that next job.
Additionally, prospect may be looking for a cheaper soloution to paying $250 an hour for a one on one car33ring coaching session.
Secondary Prospects - Something we've spoken about is two other markets we currently don't cater to. These include the graduate market and the international market (people coming from third world countries or those which have different customs/cultures to us). We'll look into developing that market when we succeed/fail with the current market. The bosses also want to sell this to companies that can't afford outplacement for employees they're laying off, I think that's far too much to focus on and rather keep it focused and targeted.
Objective - To sell the system! Potentially to up sell career coaching or resume correction/writing services we plan on offering.
Offer - Free trial currently available as a 7 day trial of the resume module. Thinking about changing this to a one day trial of the whole system. Currently premium system is available at $75 for 6 months, however, thinking about changing this to $20/month. Thoughts?
Taboos - Technically, we can't promise they'll get the job. We can assist them, but if they don't employ the techniques or are just a poor unskilled candidate in general, we can't guarantee they'll get a job.
*Apologies for the annoying '33s'; done for SEO purposes
----
Looking forward to what people think and can recommend and apologies for the wall of text!
Cheers
Tjark: Pronounced like "Jacques" in Jacques Cousteau.
www.TjarkHartmann.com
Aspiring copywriters: if you need 1:1 advice from an experienced copy chief, head over to my Phone a Friend page.
Aspiring copywriters: if you need 1:1 advice from an experienced copy chief, head over to my Phone a Friend page.
Aspiring copywriters: if you need 1:1 advice from an experienced copy chief, head over to my Phone a Friend page.
Aspiring copywriters: if you need 1:1 advice from an experienced copy chief, head over to my Phone a Friend page.