How to articulate this in a headline?

9 years ago

Ben,

I went to Google and type in "Giant Headline Swipe File"

Results:

http://rooseveltsecrease.com/wp-cont...Swipe+File.pdf

http://cdn2.hubspot.net/hub/171726/f...e_Creative.pdf

Should be able to craft a headline after reading through the examples

[ 3 ] Thanks
2 replies

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Ben_Doyle

9 years ago

Originally Posted by ThePromotionalGuy

Ben,

I went to Google and type in "Giant Headline Swipe File"

Results:

http://rooseveltsecrease.com/wp-cont...Swipe+File.pdf

http://cdn2.hubspot.net/hub/171726/f...e_Creative.pdf

Should be able to craft a headline after reading through the examples

Excellent!

Thanks a lot!

Be

[ 1 ] Thanks

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jamesperez

Banned 9 years ago

Originally Posted by ThePromotionalGuy

Ben,

I went to Google and type in "Giant Headline Swipe File"

Results:

http://rooseveltsecrease.com/wp-cont...Swipe+File.pdf

http://cdn2.hubspot.net/hub/171726/f...e_Creative.pdf

Should be able to craft a headline after reading through the examples

Agreed !

Thanks

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Alex Cohen

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Ben_Doyle

Hey everyone!

I'm struggling to come up with a headline to articulate my proposal.

I have built a website in the pet grooming niche which ranks top spot for a local search term

"Dog grooming + city"

I've built it specifically to sell to a local business and my idea is that the business can use the website free of charge for a whole month - no obligation.

I will just add their contact details to it.

Then after the month is up and they've seen how many leads they have generated and sales they have made they will be able to buy the website, so an easy sale.

I will send this sales letter to every pet grooming business in my city so it really is a 'get it before you competitors beat you to it' scenario.

But I'm struggling to get this concept down in a headline.

Any ideas?

Thanks in advance!

Ben

Something along this line would probably work well...

Only One Dog Grooming Business In Baltimore
Can Tap Into This Raging River Of Fresh,
New Leads... Will It Be Yours?

Needs a little work, but you get the idea.

Alex

[ 1 ] Thanks
1 reply

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ewenmack 9 years ago

If You've Room For More Clients,
Then I'll Send Them Your Way...
For Free

Now you've got her attention, your first job is to smoothly handle her natural
"ok, what's the catch?"

Think you can handle it?

Another important step is is to only say enough to
create curiosity and call you to find out more.

If you say too much she will bounce and carry on with
what she was doing, rather than picking up the phone and calling you.

Best,
Doctor E. Vile
- [ 4 ] Thanks
- 1 reply
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- Ben_Doyle 9 years ago
  
  Hi Ewen,
  
  That headline is (with a bit of tweaking) pretty much spot on.
  
  Yes, I think I can handle it!
  
  Kindest regards,
  
  Ben
  
  [ 1 ] Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  ewenmack 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Ben_Doyle
  
  Hi Ewen,
  
  That headline is (with a bit of tweaking) pretty much spot on.
  
  Yes, I think I can handle it!
  
  Kindest regards,
  
  Ben
  
  Would love to know the tweaks you make Ben.
  
  Best,
  Doctor E. Vile
  
  Thanks
  
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Ben_Doyle

9 years ago

OK so I have written my sales letter.

It's 3 pages.

Ewen - thanks for your headline suggestion. I've tweaked it slightly.

I've tried to keep is short and create enough curiosity to get the phone calls, but also excitement and real urgency.

==>HERE IT IS<===

I would love to get the thought's of the professionals!

PLEASE NOTE: The website in question isn't at the top off Google yet, I'm waiting for my back links to get indexed by Google!

Thanks

Ben

[ 1 ] Thanks
2 replies

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ewenmack 9 years ago

Ben, are you getting phone calls and or
forms filled?

If yes, you'd be able to dig them up, right?

Best,
Doctor E. Vile
- Thanks
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splitTest

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Ben_Doyle

OK so I have written my sales letter.

It's 3 pages.

Ewen - thanks for your headline suggestion. I've tweaked it slightly.

I've tried to keep is short and create enough curiosity to get the phone calls, but also excitement and real urgency.

==>HERE IT IS<===

I would love to get the thought's of the professionals!

PLEASE NOTE: The website in question isn't at the top off Google yet, I'm waiting for my back links to get indexed by Google!

Thanks

Ben

Why the quote marks on the headline?

Also further along, you mean "quotation marks" not "exclamation marks".

You should also add a "p.s." -- maybe reiterating the urgency.

You might also want to emphasize the ready-to-buy "prequalified" nature of people who google a term like "dog grooming Lincoln" (as opposed to the generic "dog grooming" let's say...)

You could also paint a more vivid picture of what success looks like...

All in all though, not a bad letter!

[ 1 ] Thanks

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Ben_Doyle

9 years ago

Hi Ewen,

What do you mean?

Are you asking whether or not I'll be able to track all the leads that come through the website?

If so, yes I will.

The contact form submissions will go to my email and be forwarded to theirs.

I own the phone number that will be on the website. It will be put on divert to the company in question so I can see which numbers are calling, call duration etc. I'll also be able to access any voice mails that have been left.

Thanks
1 reply

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ewenmack 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Ben_Doyle

Hi Ewen,

What do you mean?

Ben, I'm referring to ...have you already been getting calls
and or submissions.

Past tense, not future.

Make sense?

Best,
Doctor E. Vile
- Thanks
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Ben_Doyle

9 years ago

Ahh right, yes 8 this week so far but the site isn't sat at the top spot yet, once it is they should come thicker and faster!

Thanks
1 reply

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ewenmack 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Ben_Doyle

Ahh right, yes 8 this week so far but the site isn't sat at the top spot yet, once it is they should come thicker and faster!

Fantastic.

Now we have proof that you have them with numbers,
how many and how long ago they came in.

Now for the not so good news.

When contacting the person for the first time,
who hadn't heard of you, have something is a bit
complicated or have no experience with, then
take tiny steps.

Right now you are saying too much.

Brevity is the key.

If you boil it down, you've had 8 women contact
you last week wanting their pooches pampered.
Can she help you by taking future one's or shall
you pass them on to one of the other named one's.

That's the gist of what you've got.

Everything is filler in which can be discussed over the phone.

Best,
Doctor E. Vile
- Thanks
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splitTest

9 years ago

I googled "dog grooming lincoln uk" (added "uk" because I'm in the states), and the site is now on page 2 of google and the top site on bing.

I don't know all that much about SEO, but that's not bad for a single-page site with no blog, no directory listings (presumably), etc.

Originally Posted by ewenmack

When contacting the person for the first time,
who hadn't heard of you, have something is a bit
complicated or have no experience with, then
take tiny steps.

Right now you are saying too much.

Brevity is the key.

If you boil it down, you've had 8 women contact
you last week wanting their pooches pampered.
Can she help you by taking future one's or shall
you pass them on to one of the other named one's.

That's the gist of what you've got.

Everything is filler in which can be discussed over the phone.

Best,
Doctor E. Vile

Excellent idea -- touting the calls that are already coming in... I also agree with what you're saying about brevity for the most part, but isn't the "number 1" rank on Google (when it happens) too impressive to leave out of the letter?

Thanks
2 replies

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ewenmack

9 years ago

Originally Posted by splitTest

I also agree with what you're saying about brevity for the most part, but isn't the "number 1" rank on Google (when it happens) too impressive to leave out of the letter?

The woman wants the family portrait on her wall,
not interested in the drill, screws and hooks.

The grandparents aren't interested in the birth process,
they want to see their new healthy grandchild.

The dog groomer wants the client, not something
to do with the Internet.

Therefore serve up ONLY what she wants.

Best,
Doctor E. Vile

[ 2 ] Thanks

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Ben_Doyle

9 years ago

Originally Posted by splitTest

I googled "dog grooming lincoln uk" (added "uk" because I'm in the states), and the site is now on page 2 of google and the top site on bing.

I don't know all that much about SEO, but that's not bad for a single-page site with no blog, no directory listings (presumably), etc.

I do have directory backlinks in place (as well as others). Just Google hasn't picked them up yet. The SEO competition is so low and so weak that the site shouldnt have much of a problem in ranking first.

Once it does, the leads should start rolling in pretty consistently by which point the sites value should shoot up!

Ben

Thanks

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