Is This Salespage Good Enough for Cold Traffic?

by rimam1

Posted: 9 years ago 13 replies

COPY WRITING

Hi guys,

I have a sales page that has converted on cold traffic, but I wanted to know what I could do to increase conversions. Here's what I have:

*Specific, Targeted Headline: A headline that calls out my target audience (busy guys) and identifies their biggest struggle (thinking they have no time to workout)

*I'm a Regular Guy: I stress that I'm a regular guy in my copy (I have a full-time job, wife, kids, long commute). So I don't look like a model and don't use the tactics models use (dehydration, tans, expensive photo-shoots, etc.) I have pictures of myself. I emphasize that they are real photos, not airbrushed, photo-shopped[/B]

*Free, Actionable Advice: I provide 3 simple tips that regular guys can use to start burning fat and getting in shape

I'm using software that records each user session and I see people spending up to 15 minutes reading my sales page, but when they get to the "sales pitch" part, most people leave. I'm wondering what I can do to get them more interested in the product (I understand cold traffic is less inclined to buy, so I know it's to be expected that most people would leave)

Besides having more testimonials, before/after pics, etc, is there anything else I can do to increase conversions from cold traffic? I'm using search-based PPC right now. I'm considering media buys in the future.

Here's the sales page

Thanks guys!
Raza

#cold #good #salespage #traffic

ewenmack 9 years ago

Raza, the sales page looks good enough.

Since it's cold traffic and they don't know you
can't trust you yet, here's how you can make cold traffic work...

Break-out part of your core training and offer that first
at price points to be tested, $2.95, $3.95 $5.

On the Thank You page offer your core product.

Now you have created a bigger list of buyers
and they are much more likely to buy from you again.

You could do a exit survey as to which of, say 5 choices,
they would like to know more about. The winner becomes your
low price entry product that is offered first.

Best,
Doctor E. Vile
- [ 1 ] Thanks
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Steve The Copywriter 9 years ago

I noticed one thing.

In the headline (in very small type) you suggest that "middle aged guys" will benefit. And then the copy goes all colloquial seemingly aiming at a younger audience.

Now the getting ripped game is not my market (copywriters tend to live in attics, eat at diners, drink 37 cups of coffee a day and smoke 80 plus cigarettes - although some of us now enjoy vaping the nicotine).

Anyway, and forgive me if I'm wrong - but there doesn't seem to be that many (unlike the zillions of other fat busting programs) aimed at the over 40's (or whatever the age is for middle aged).

Perhaps you could rewrite the copy and target it precisely at that audience.

In case you're still wondering why...

You can't be all things to all people - but you can be the "go to" person for a particular niche.

Steve
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- rimam1 9 years ago
  
  Thank you guys.
  
  Ewen, I have a lot of respect for you... even moreso now.
  
  Best,
  Raza
  
  [ 1 ] Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  rimam1 9 years ago
  
  I forgot to mention that most people don't get to the sales pitch part. They read the free tips and leave. So I don't think price is the problem.
  
  Suggestions?
  
  Thanks
  
  2 replies
  
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  ThePromotionalGuy 9 years ago
  
  Raza,
  
  I'm that target market. But after reading through your sales page, I found myself losing interest right away. Looking at your photo you're a much younger man, probably in your late 20s to mid 30s, so I'm starting to get skeptical of your claims. Why? I know I'll never look that young again so your photo is not relevant to me a middle-age pushing 60 man.
  
  Then you go on and tell me that you're not certified as a coach or trainer. So you've just told me you have no credibility. Men my age, (FYI...do not see ourselves as guys, but men), put a ton of weight on having credentials. Health issues and weight gain are very serious to us and we trust Drs. - Specialists - MDs professionals with certifications. So now I'm in complete disbelief and you've lost me.
  
  This is what's going on in the minds of middle-age men ages 45-65. As the great masters of copywriting have taught us "Join the conversation already going on in your customers head" You haven't met that burden of proof.
  
  I do have two quick points about the top of your sales page.
  
  1. Top of the page it looks like you have two headlines. One in the header and the second one below your tool bar. For me it's a distraction from your sales page.
  
  2. Recommend a rewrite of:
  
  "If you're a middle-aged guy, you need to read this"
  
  To
  
  "ATTENTION: Men age 45-65 fighting weight gain, you'll want to know how...
  
  Using These 3 Epic Tricks
  
  Be specific to the target audience. "You need" is telling the reader. "You'll want" invites the reader.
  
  [ 1 ] Thanks
  
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  The Copywriting Engineer 9 years ago
  
  When I read your bullet points at first, what is going through my mind is "I wonder what year these nutrition tips are from" Then when I see carbs, I start to think what diet method you are using and if it was a method that people stopped using, or if people even used it.
  
  This bullet -the best workout for getting ripped fast to shred fat- Reminds me of infomercials I see on how to get ripped on one hour per week.
  
  I like the idea that you are giving value first. After I scroll down 2 pages, my interest starts to dissipate, and I start to look for your offer to only see more tips.
  
  Under the 2nd picture where you flex, you could remind me in how little time it took to get you there.
  
  I read steves comment. I also feel you are trying to get me on a diet and try and give me advice to get ripped. As a consumer. If you had two different offers, that would be better. One for advice on getting ripped and another book to somehow get me on a diet. I still think you can sell to both audiences though.
  
  This is like a mouse in the corner:
  So I literally spent a year researching the best ways for busy guys to get lean and ripped in as little time as possible. I basically took research from almost 20 fitness experts, strength coaches, dietitians, and per
  
  You make the tips seem like it came from you. Not your research.
  
  Turbo charging my muscle building hormones seems to advanced.
  
  Diet hacks seems like you are trying to do one up on nature, and have a long sleeve with a balloon under the bicep and blow it up to make big guns! ahaha Seems like I am going to starve though. Sounds advanced.
  
  Then when I scroll down to see the price, I find the bullet points are to long. I think you can shorten them and make them higher impact.
  
  Im USE to reading Matt Furey(so Im more comfortable with his writing style), But here is an example of what I mean:
  
  Matt Furey - Combat Abs
  
  Your bullet points for your bonuses catch my interest.
  
  I like that you have the FAQ
  
  If they read for fulfillment rather than receiving the tips with no effort. That makes a difference.
  
  Thanks
  
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  www.highcalibercopy.com
  
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RealCasher 9 years ago

Since it's cold traffic, "middle-age" gonna cut out a lot of younger and older generation to keep reading.

Middle age sounds like "40 - 55"

Why lose younger and Older people?
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savidge4

9 years ago

I read this part of the forum on a regular basis. Very rarely if ever do I step into a discussion. I think in this case it is less about a Copy Issue, and more of a Conversion issue.

As Ewen stated part of this process is the development of trust. You start this process with an element of your page. If you read through your copy and get to Epic trick #1 there is a subtle change that happens here, the same happens in #2 and #3, and later in the read this reverts back to the initial setup. and then that lower third it is present again.

The change? you went from images of yourself.. to stock images. Then you revert back to your kids, and then lower in the page there are 2 more stock images. So you have here I am posing in the kitchen I am a guy just like you.... oh its time to get serious... first point <insert fake image> you have broken the trust you have built.

The next thing I noticed you are displaying the mistake, and then using the epic tip after. I might try and flip those. A sales trick I use is to give an answer before I give the question. The given answer will then become the readers answer to the question thus increasing the trust in what you are saying. Epic tip first.. Mistake it corrects. Compound movements short workout time. mistake? spending 4 to 5 hours in the gym. I have kids and a life.. who has time for that?

Overall the text here is not defined enough. what exactly are the mistakes.. EXACTLY. How will the tips be beneficial? right now they are not so much.

Mistake #1 is what? spending 4 to 5 hours a day in the gym? Answer: "Compound movements work the most amount of muscle in the shortest amount of time."
Mistake #2 is what? Im not seeing one stick out. Not eating enough calories? Answer: eating right?
Mistake #3 is what? Working out to much? and the answer is cardio?

Like I said I would flip these. Answer first. "Compound movements work the most amount of muscle in the shortest amount of time" Mistake? spending 4 to 5 hours working out.

I did a quick time study of your page. right at the 5 minute mark the average in the office put us at this headline: "Here are even MORE secrets I reveal in this manual:" My personal research finds that right in the 4 to 5 minute mark. you start to loose your audience. ( You can check in your tracking software what your average on page time is, I will bet its right in there ) I would introduce my first call to action here.

Your call to action is weak, I would say non existent. Buy Now.. scroll scroll "Why It’s Just $39.95" Usually its price first, button second. How many people are clicking the first add to cart button thinking it is "Risk free" "Yes I understand I will receive instant access" "Here is what I'll get" Add to cart. and then it hits them WHOA... $40??!?!

Personally, I would Introduce the price "For a limited time..." introduce the risk free 60 day guarantee, here is what you get, (benefits and bonuses ) "Yes I want access now" price and button.

hope that helps!

Originally Posted by rimam1

Hi guys,

I have a sales page that has converted on cold traffic, but I wanted to know what I could do to increase conversions. Here's what I have:

I'm using software that records each user session and I see people spending up to 15 minutes reading my sales page, but when they get to the "sales pitch" part, most people leave. I'm wondering what I can do to get them more interested in the product (I understand cold traffic is less inclined to buy, so I know it's to be expected that most people would leave)

Thanks
1 reply

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Success is an ACT not an idea

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ewenmack

9 years ago

Raza, when Survivsl Life had Perry Belcher
to tweak the copy selling their core product,
it didn't make much difference.

Ryan Deiss calls him the greatest copywriter,
or something like that.

What they did then was take out a bonus report
of the core product and offered that first for a low price point
that takes very little to think about.

Then when they bought it, they were in a shopping high.

That's when you offer the core product on the Thank You page.

Digital Marketer, $30,000,000 company, always offer the $5 or below
price points before they show the core offer in their digital products companies.

Thought it would be good to expand on my original post, because even if you
did get this copy better, you'll hit a ceiling as to what you could be making.

Plus the conversions will automatically go up of your main offer on the
back of your low priced offer.

They did at Survival Life even when the list had seen the core offer
many times before.

Best,
Doctor E. Vile

Thanks
1 reply

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savidge4

9 years ago

I agree with Ewen. I am not even going to say "In this case" because more often than not I always agree with him.

Cut the lead time in, and offer one of those "bonus" reports to get them buying, and develop a buyers list. boom boom boom. then offer the $40.00 deal.

I personally was trying real hard not to say this last night, but that copy you have is OVER KILL. they sell $1000+ pieces of exercise equipment on tv in less than 60 seconds, and your sales from top to bottom is a 15 minute read. I get the investment in time factor. Big fan of it. but no where in anything that I do, is there a 15 minute lay out of time in one piece. I know from studies that longer videos convert, but that is not so true in written sales.

http://www.amazon.com/Met-rx%C2%AE-1...orkout+program a down and dirty example of the information provided to sell a similar product.. in fact this one is far more involved. this one here selling a $12.95 a month program DailyBurn | The best fitness anywhere. how much time is involved.. how many do you think they are selling?

I am not even so sure you shouldn't do an "IM turn and burn" as I call it, and offer a "free" report just to get the e-mail, and sell to them on the back end.

There are 2 possibilities at failing in sales. a poor product or poor selling. You can have a great product and not sell a 1 if the sales portion is not right or you can have a bad product and sell a kick ton if the sales are good 126,000 Yugo's were sold in the USA in a 4 year span - bad product, great marketing/sales

Originally Posted by ewenmack

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ewenmack 9 years ago

People have paid $1,000 plus to listen to Ryan Deiss, Perry Belcher
speak at Traffic And Conversion Summit.

One of the 3 big trends in the keynote speech was splintering product
offers.

Which I happen to be hammering on here.

Best,
Doctor E. Vile
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- 1 reply
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- rimam1 9 years ago
  
  You guys are really smart. Thank you for your suggestions.
  
  So maybe I should come up with a $5 dollar offer. Maybe something REALLY specific:
  
  "7 'No Cook' Meals Busy Guys Should Be Eating to Get Ripped"
  
  And then sell them on the main product on the backend. Selling to a "buyers list" is better than selling to a list of freebie-seekers, correct?
  
  Another possibility is to buy a solo ad/email drop from someone with a large fitness list. I'm hoping that warm traffic will lead to much better conversions.
  
  But your point is very well taken. Create a very inexpensive offer, and then sell them on the backend.
  
  Thanks,
  Raza
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  Signature
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  ewenmack 9 years ago
  
  Raza, you've got it with that headline and entry point offer
  being very specific.
  
  Think very narrow subject then go deep.
  
  If you do solo mailings, use the same sequence...
  low priced entry and upsell to core product offer
  on the Thank You page.
  
  Don't get hung up on having the one perfect low entry
  subject.
  
  Different subjects will match different needs.
  
  Think in terms of having many which catch more of your
  market and your core offer is a way all your front end buyers
  reach their goals faster.
  
  Make sense?
  
  Best,
  Doctor E. Vile
  
  Thanks
  
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Is This Salespage Good Enough for Cold Traffic?

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