This SHOULD convert - am I missing something?

by derekd

Posted: 9 years ago 10 replies

COPY WRITING

Hey fellow copywriters!

I have a product in the pre-launch phase that I have had some traffic sent to.

My previous sales pages have all converted very well with the right traffic.

I think this copy should be a homerun for the target audience...

But I'm not sure based on early tests since it's not converting as well as I'd like (less than 10% which is poor for targeted traffic)

Title: Books that Sell

Audience: Non-fiction kindle authors looking to make money and sell more books

Sales page: Books That Sell | Ebook Bestseller Secrets

My thoughts: Still need to get better testimonials from users that have gone through the whole course and some authorities.

Legit sales page graphics.

Shorten it up? I don't usually do copy quite this long.

Message clarity... is it too vague what's being offer?

Alternative opening headline - I've Sold 2,978 Copies Of Non-Fiction Books... In ONE Day! Now You Can Discover My 'Bestseller Formulas' (Alternative: Secret Weapons) For Irresistible Books!

PS: My training helps copywriters in general as well. If you're an experienced copywriter and you offer some quality feedback on this, shoot me a PM and I can give you access to my training at no-cost as a thank you for your time and effort.

#convert #missing

ewenmack 9 years ago

Derek, the sequence of multiple steps on how
the prospects interact with you is going to be
your biggest determiner of success.

Go here [Test Results] The "Pixel Process": How Digital Marketer Gets 81% More Leads and 38% More Sales From Paid Traffic
to see what's working after $15,000,000 on paid traffic
testing results.

Best,
Doctor E. Vile
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kk075 9 years ago

I was a buyer right after you showed me your book surpassing Tony Robbins, and I hung in with you for a few paragraphs after that as well. I ended up getting bored though when I realized I was only 1/2 way through your pitch....even though everything was very well written and compelling.

So my advice to you would be to get out of your own way and let the product do the selling. You don't need to hype, hype, hype something with proven results that's a legitimate value.

That's just my opinion though and again, it was good stuff. If you had a sales button 1/3 of the way down the page, I probably would have clicked it.
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- derekd 9 years ago
  
  Thanks! I was thinking the same thing myself.
  
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  Kindle Bestseller Secrets You Wish You Knew
  
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  marciayudkin 9 years ago
  
  Hi Derek,
  
  I am a regular here on the Copywriting Forum, and I have coached authors for more than 15 years, way before ebooks were a serious phenomenon.
  
  The authors I have coached had two things in common: They want to write a book they'll be proud of AND they want the book to sell.
  
  What I see in your sales page are various touches that hint to such authors that you don't respect the first factor, that your course is all about the sales and only about the sales. Maybe that's actually the case. Or maybe you could make changes in your page to interest more of such authors.
  
  More in my PM to you.
  
  Marcia Yudkin
  
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  derekd 9 years ago
  
  I'm SO glad you pointed this out Marcia!
  
  Since I haven't officially launched yet, I'll be able to make some changes in the next day or so to take it away from pure sales message to blend with how this helps add more value for readers of books and credibility as an author.
  
  The funny thing is, the main reason for creating the course was to help people create a better experience for readers. I get tired of "throw up a crappy book just to make sales" types of trainings.
  
  However, I figured a lot of people are more intrigued by the sales aspect since it's harder to show demonstration of a good book vs. good sales.
  
  Looking forward to your feedback!
  
  Thanks
  
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  marciayudkin 9 years ago
  
  it's harder to show demonstration of a good book vs. good sales.
  
  Not really - good reviews from people they respect are a good indicator of a good book to people who care about that.
  
  Marcia Yudkin
  
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  derekd 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by marciayudkin
  
  Not really - good reviews from people they respect are a good indicator of a good book to people who care about that.
  
  Marcia Yudkin
  
  Very true. Maybe I should have qualified that since I mentioned I'm still waiting on testimonials to come in. In other words, harder given what I have at my disposal at the moment (screenshots vs. reviews).
  
  Thanks
  
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  MikeHumphreys 9 years ago
  
  Derek,
  
  I own a few of your non-fiction books, so I know the quality of what you share and the depth of your expertise on Kindle marketing.
  
  I did a quick skim of your salesletter and there's a number of things I can point out to you if you're interested.
  
  But the biggest mistake I see you making is failing the W.I.I.F.M. test. You're not telling me as the reader "What's In It For Me." Too much of the copy is about you. No disrepect meant but... what you've accomplished is nice but... What's In It For Me as the potential buyer?
  
  Take the opening headline:
  
  I've Sold 2,978 Non-Fiction Books... In A DAY! Now You Can Get My Secret Weapons For Creating Books That Readers Can't Resist!
  
  Shifting the positioning so it's less about you and it better answers W.I.I.F.M....
  
  After banking multiple #1 best selling non-fiction books...
  
  Highly Successful Best Selling Author Reveals His Secret Weapons
  For Creating Books That Sell By The Virtual Truckload!
  
  That's a preheadline and headline off the top of my head. If I were handling this like a paid project, then I'd take the time to brainstorm 100 headlines or more to use for the piece.
  
  If you have any additional questions, please feel free to drop me an email or PM.
  
  Best of luck,
  
  Mike
  
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  derekd 9 years ago
  
  Thanks Mike! You must have just seen the updated (in the process of being updated) copy. The original headline was - Do You Want To Know My Secret Weapons For Turning Every Non-Fiction Book I Make Into A Bestseller… Even In The Most Insanely Competitive Niches?
  
  Not sure if the original was better or still "me" focused.
  
  Thanks
  
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DavidAllenNeron 9 years ago

Hi DerekD, the only things I could think to suggest would be:

To add a video explaining some benefits and features, some call to action phrases etc.
This might make it easier to get through the entire sales letter with you kind of narrating it in the background.

Also, add some breaks in your pitch where people can buy right then and there, I mean if that paragraph sold them on the product they should have a nice shiny BUY NOW button staring them in the face. I mean don't go overkill with it, but .. be strategic.

Get some video testimonials, (I think video testimonials are better than just straight text, even if it is just them endorsing whatever it is they said in text and a shout-out to you) .. or make a video "About Me" to showcase what you've done and what you can do.

I think that'd really help with conversions..

Good luck
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