How to write for local business on website

17 replies
I own a local contracting company. My website has many different pages talking about the services that we provide, however, the pages that most people go to are the location based landing pages. There are 35 different pages that are specific to towns that we work in, these pages work well because they come up pretty high in Google.

So I will look at Google Analytics and see that someone from Redtown was directed to my Redtown.php page from a Google search... PERFECT. That's the way it's supposed to work.

The problem is that my bounce rate is very high, and that's what I need to improve.

Each landing page has the following:

A) 3 paragraphs talking about our business and what we can do for the customer. This was originally well written, however, it has been "manually spun" 34 times now. I think that's the problem. How many times can you say the same thing uniquely?

B) A picture of something major in the town that everyone who lives there knows.

C) Some town information from the town homepage or Wikipedia that has been manually spun to be unique, but reads well.

Like I said, the landing pages work well in the rankings, but I need them to get the customer to call! If I could get them to click the other services pages, I think that will help close them as well. But most of them just bounce back to Google.

I'm an electrician, I just want people to call me when they want electrical work done. So how do I write something compelling about an uninteresting topic 35 different times? How many different ways can I tell people that we are neat and clean and whatever?
#business #local #website #write
  • Profile picture of the author max5ty
    Just curious...

    why 35 or whatever different sites? Is it for SEO or something? Wouldn't 1 website with a list of all the towns you service be enough? In full disclosure, I don't know crap about SEO and haven't any desire to figure it out. Always believed local businesses should be getting out into the community in other ways. Coincidentally, I was reading something from Kennedy or one of his associates the other day that confirmed my belief. There's cheaper and more result producing ways for local businesses to advertise besides PPC and all that stuff. You should be the first person to pop into their minds when they need electrical work.

    Also...

    I doubt if someone needs service they really give two flips about landmarks in their town or reading some mumbo jumbo about the place they live.

    If you're droning on and on about how great your service is and how you're the greatest thing since nylons, you're probably boring people that really just want their problem solved. Of course they'll click away and eventually find a site that gets right to the point without the whole circus act.

    Don't give people what you think they need...give them what they really want...they've got a problem that needs fixed and they want it fixed now!!!

    Hopefully you post the site so we can give you more advice. I'm assuming without seeing your site there's a lot of powder and hairspray trying to make things look good.

    Without seeing the baby it's hard to tell how ugly it is...and why good people are running away from it.

    Lots more to say, but I'll leave it at that.
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    • Profile picture of the author LoclBiz
      Originally Posted by max5ty View Post

      Just curious...

      why 35 or whatever different sites? Is it for SEO or something?
      It's just 1 website, but there are 35 "landing pages", each for a specific town that we serve. Yes, this is for SEO purposes.

      Wouldn't 1 website with a list of all the towns you service be enough?
      No, not at all. Having 1 webpage with a list of town names won't work nearly as well as having 35 pages, each catering specifically to that particular town.

      It works very well. If you were in Bordertown and searched for "Electrician in Bordertown", my Bordertown landing page would come up 2nd or 3rd in the listings. However, if I just had 1 single page with Bordertown in a list of 34 other towns, it wouldn't come up until the 3rd or 4th page of listings.

      In full disclosure, I don't know crap about SEO and haven't any desire to figure it out. Always believed local businesses should be getting out into the community in other ways.
      I am open to any form of advertising. But ignoring the internet is very, very silly.

      Coincidentally, I was reading something from Kennedy or one of his associates the other day that confirmed my belief. There's cheaper and more result producing ways for local businesses to advertise besides PPC and all that stuff. You should be the first person to pop into their minds when they need electrical work.
      Such as?

      I've done everything from the phone book to diner placemats, direct mailings to community volunteer work. Nothing comes close to the return on investment I get from the website and SEO.

      Also...

      I doubt if someone needs service they really give two flips about landmarks in their town or reading some mumbo jumbo about the place they live.
      A unique image with the proper naming and attributes can be not only beneficial for SEO, but could also let the customer know that we are a local electrician. It can't hurt and it helps make the page unique. The same with the "mumbo jumbo" about the place that they live, that has been recommended by other SEO's.


      If you're droning on and on about how great your service is and how you're the greatest thing since nylons, you're probably boring people that really just want their problem solved. Of course they'll click away and eventually find a site that gets right to the point without the whole circus act.

      Don't give people what you think they need...give them what they really want...they've got a problem that needs fixed and they want it fixed now!!!

      Hopefully you post the site so we can give you more advice. I'm assuming without seeing your site there's a lot of powder and hairspray trying to make things look good.

      Without seeing the baby it's hard to tell how ugly it is...and why good people are running away from it.

      Lots more to say, but I'll leave it at that.
      Ya know, the first part of your post had absolutely nothing to do with copywriting, it was just you showing your ignorance of business, advertising, and the internet in general. Then, in the second part of your post where you kinda get on the actual topic, you make assumptions that my whole website is just "powder and hairspray". lol...

      I just wanted some tips on writing the same type of sales message over many times when it has to be unique. I guess this is the wrong place to learn.
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  • Profile picture of the author max5ty
    Thanks for your reply.

    I'm a strong believer in using the internet.

    Sorry you feel as though I have an ignorance of business and advertising.

    Sorry I couldn't help.

    Best wishes.
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    • Profile picture of the author LoclBiz
      Originally Posted by max5ty View Post

      Thanks for your reply.

      I'm a strong believer in using the internet.

      Sorry you feel as though I have an ignorance of business and advertising.

      Sorry I couldn't help.

      Best wishes.
      I knew you wouldn't be able to backup your ridiculous claim of there being "cheaper and more result producing ways for local businesses to advertise than the internet".

      This is 2015, even little old ladies use the internet.

      Thanks for wasting my time posting things you don't know and can't substantiate... and not posting about the actual topic!
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      • Profile picture of the author max5ty
        Originally Posted by LoclBiz View Post

        I knew you wouldn't be able to backup your ridiculous claim of there being "cheaper and more result producing ways for local businesses to advertise than the internet".

        This is 2015, even little old ladies use the internet.

        Thanks for wasting my time posting things you don't know and can't substantiate... and not posting about the actual topic!
        Hopefully you can find someone to work with.

        I've worked with tons of businesses from major to mom and pop on loads of marketing campaigns.

        Things are not always a good fit and occasionally there was resistance to a marketing plan...sometimes they'd still think their way of doing things was best...even though they were losing money with it.

        Reminds me of The Profit or Bar Rescue where they go in to rescue a place and the owners are stubborn and argumentative. Often it's best to just walk away.

        All the advice anyone offers on this forum is free. You're not being asked for a consult fee.

        I don't mind your attitude, but hopefully you learn to take all the advice from others and consider it.

        I can back up everything I say, but it's not important for me to prove a point. I'd prefer to help those who appreciate anything in the way of help.

        I really do hope you find a solution to your problem.
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        • Profile picture of the author LoclBiz
          Originally Posted by max5ty View Post

          Hopefully you can find someone to work with.

          I've worked with tons of businesses from major to mom and pop on loads of marketing campaigns.

          Things are not always a good fit and occasionally there was resistance to a marketing plan...sometimes they'd still think their way of doing things was best...even though they were losing money with it.
          I don't really know what you're talking about.

          I track my customers pretty well. Last year customers who:

          A) Found me on the internet
          B) Found me on the internet at an earlier date and used me for repeat work
          C) Was referred from a friend who found us on the internet

          came to over $240K in gross sales. Last year, between the website hosting and paid SEO I spent a little over $7K. The closest I ever got to that ROI was the phone book 15 years ago, but that's dead.

          No where else have I ever been able to get results like that. When I talk to the owners of bigger companies, they all say how they are ramping up internet advertising since it's the best method they've found.

          Reminds me of The Profit or Bar Rescue where they go in to rescue a place and the owners are stubborn and argumentative. Often it's best to just walk away.
          I'm willing to listen to anything reasonable, but you haven't provided anything of the sort.

          I asked for writing advice and got a guy telling me that the internet is bad.

          All the advice anyone offers on this forum is free. You're not being asked for a consult fee.

          I don't mind your attitude, but hopefully you learn to take all the advice from others and consider it.
          What advice have you given other than not to use the internet? You still haven't filled us all in on these other great methods we should be using, nor provided any evidence.
          I can back up everything I say
          No, you can't.

          ,but it's not important for me to prove a point. I'd prefer to help those who appreciate anything in the way of help.
          You haven't provided any help.
          I really do hope you find a solution to your problem.
          Like I said earlier, apparently this isn't the place to come for writing advice.
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  • Profile picture of the author joe golfer
    The problem is that my bounce rate is very high, and that's what I need to improve.

    Keep in mind that landing pages by their nature have high bounce rates, averaging 70-90 percent.
    https://blog.kissmetrics.com/bounce-rate/


    Each landing page has the following:

    A) 3 paragraphs talking about our business and what we can do for the customer. This was originally well written, however, it has been "manually spun" 34 times now. I think that's the problem. How many times can you say the same thing uniquely?

    My guess is you are providing the same benefits every other electrician is offering. Fast, neat, clean, friendly, etc. There is nothing differentiating you.

    I'm not sure what "manually spun" means, but spun content almost always comes out stilted and dry at best.

    B) A picture of something major in the town that everyone who lives there knows.

    C) Some town information from the town homepage or Wikipedia that has been manually spun to be unique, but reads well.

    Local information like this gets the page to rank, but does little to get people to call. You need to think about their intent, and build content related to that.

    Like I said, the landing pages work well in the rankings, but I need them to get the customer to call! If I could get them to click the other services pages, I think that will help close them as well. But most of them just bounce back to Google.

    Build content that relates to your service in their city. For example, I know a sub-contractor that knows all the local rules for every neighborhood in his city. I've seen him explain to homeowners that in THEIR neighborhood, they must follow THESE specific rules or risk getting fined or have other problems. If someone wants windows replaced, he tells them which windows are accepted by the neighborhood council and what are not. You should see the look on the homeowner's face when they realize, "Hey this isn't any regular fix-it guy. He really knows the lay of the land, and is going to save me time and trouble." After that, his rates are much more acceptable.

    Similarly, you should create content that speaks to the concerns of each community. For Bordertown, you might have a video that shows you out in a neighborhood and you say, "Here in Bordertown, many homes were built just after WWII. The wiring was usually twisted copper covered with rubber coating. This system was cheap and fast for the builders, who often were throwing up 20 homes a day. The problem is now these wires are old and worn. It helps to have your home wiring inspected to detect possible problems."


    Or some BS like that.

    What you've now done is what my sub-contractor friend does in person. You've differentiated yourself as an expert, even if the other electricians could have said the same thing. They didn't. Now, the consumer sees you in a different light. They know, like and trust you better than the competition.

    It doesn't have to be a video. You could offer a downloadable local guide for each landing page, something like "What you MUST know before hiring an electrician in Bordertown."

    You might be thinking people just want to find a local electrician and call them to solve their problem as soon as possible. However, only a small percentage are in the market right now today, and you should continue to make it easy for them to call now (prominent phone number, etc).

    Many others are researching, seeing what is available, checking sites, making a list of electricians, etc. Maybe they have a home electrical problem that they've been meaning to get to, but haven't had time. So they research to see who to call when they are ready. Build custom content for each local page to help them see you as far better than the joker down the street.

    Here is more information on why this works and how to set it up.

    Scaling Geo-Targeted Local Landing Pages That Really Rank and Convert - Whiteboard Friday - Moz

    To make it more manageable, work on the top 5 that bring you the most traffic first.
    Signature
    Marketing is not a battle of products. It is a battle of perceptions.
    - Jack Trout
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  • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
    Originally Posted by LoclBiz View Post

    I own a local contracting company. My website has many different pages talking about the services that we provide, however, the pages that most people go to are the location based landing pages. There are 35 different pages that are specific to towns that we work in, these pages work well because they come up pretty high in Google.

    So I will look at Google Analytics and see that someone from Redtown was directed to my Redtown.php page from a Google search... PERFECT. That's the way it's supposed to work.

    The problem is that my bounce rate is very high, and that's what I need to improve.

    Each landing page has the following:

    A) 3 paragraphs talking about our business and what we can do for the customer. This was originally well written, however, it has been "manually spun" 34 times now. I think that's the problem. How many times can you say the same thing uniquely?

    B) A picture of something major in the town that everyone who lives there knows.

    C) Some town information from the town homepage or Wikipedia that has been manually spun to be unique, but reads well.

    Like I said, the landing pages work well in the rankings, but I need them to get the customer to call! If I could get them to click the other services pages, I think that will help close them as well. But most of them just bounce back to Google.

    I'm an electrician, I just want people to call me when they want electrical work done. So how do I write something compelling about an uninteresting topic 35 different times? How many different ways can I tell people that we are neat and clean and whatever?
    You've run into a catch-22.

    You can write copy for Google's algorithm (to rank high on searches) OR for actual prospects (to persuade them to contact you).. but not both.

    Alex
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    • Profile picture of the author dmaster555
      Originally Posted by Alex Cohen View Post

      You've run into a catch-22.

      You can write copy for Google's algorithm (to rank high on searches) OR for actual prospects (to persuade them to contact you).. but not both.

      Alex
      Not true at all.
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  • Profile picture of the author LivingstoneM
    Originally Posted by LoclBiz View Post

    I own a local contracting company. My website has many different pages talking about the services that we provide, however, the pages that most people go to are the location based landing pages. There are 35 different pages that are specific to towns that we work in, these pages work well because they come up pretty high in Google.

    So I will look at Google Analytics and see that someone from Redtown was directed to my Redtown.php page from a Google search... PERFECT. That's the way it's supposed to work.

    The problem is that my bounce rate is very high, and that's what I need to improve.

    Each landing page has the following:

    A) 3 paragraphs talking about our business and what we can do for the customer. This was originally well written, however, it has been "manually spun" 34 times now. I think that's the problem. How many times can you say the same thing uniquely?

    B) A picture of something major in the town that everyone who lives there knows.

    C) Some town information from the town homepage or Wikipedia that has been manually spun to be unique, but reads well.

    Like I said, the landing pages work well in the rankings, but I need them to get the customer to call! If I could get them to click the other services pages, I think that will help close them as well. But most of them just bounce back to Google.

    I'm an electrician, I just want people to call me when they want electrical work done. So how do I write something compelling about an uninteresting topic 35 different times? How many different ways can I tell people that we are neat and clean and whatever?
    There are no uninteresting products; only uninteresting writing. Let me tackle your question in a roundabout (and, perhaps, somewhat tortuous) fashion.

    A small-town freelance copywriter was sitting in a swivel chair one afternoon. A farmer came by and, after opening a hand-sewn bag, produced a watermelon.

    "Here," he said to the copywriter. "Write me an ad for the paper. I want you to describe my watermelons for sale."

    Here was the brief ad in the next morning's paper.

    Watermelons
    Great big watermelons and medium-sized watermelons. Ripe. Red-hearted. All oval. Weight, 20 - 30 pounds. Cold and juicy. Fresh.


    Another farmer wanted an ad for watermelons. He wanted the ad to tell the story of how the watermelons were meticulously picked from a far off marketplace. The ad was written:

    Delicious Selected Watermelons
    Yesterday we had a look-see at 11 shipments of watermelons -- the best in the state. From each shipment, except 1, we chose the ripest melons we found and rushed them here. Last night we examined them and now we have them ready for you.


    ...Finally, a third farmer came along. Now this farmer wanted an ad that explained exactly why her watermelons were so good. The ad came out.

    Why Our Watermelons Are So Good

    We sell only big, ripe watermelons from particular regions where soil and climate make for good flavor. Because every watermelon we sell meets our exacting standards, our melons are the tastiest you'll find.



    What is the point of this anecdote? Well, you might think that a topic can only be written about so many times before your landing pages become less effective than, say, someone raking leaves in the midst of a wind storm. But for centuries, writers have used devices and elements of style that make for good, compelling writing. Which means that there are far more than 35 ways to make the writing for your "landing pages" effective and interesting and, above all, persuasive (so your bounce rate plummets).

    In the examples above, we find that the first ad makes use of description; the second employs narration; and the third uses exposition. There are so many ways to make writing interesting.

    Have we forgotten that words have magic -- that copywriting is more than just typing out a sequence of benefits and features?

    Have we forgotten about similes and metaphor and rhythm and contrast? What about alliteration and onomatopoeia? Have we forgotten that imagination -- an unusuallness of thought, an "I like that idea" -- can make any topic come alive? More than 35 times, too.

    So...your question:
    How do I write something compelling about an uninteresting topic 35 different times?

    The answer: sound, solid copywriting that actually embraces all the elements of superb writing. Visitors will love your site, and your phone will start ringing. Why? Because you won't be writing for Google. You'll be writing to them. You'll be talking to them. In 35 different, exciting ways. But you'll also have a high search engine ranking, because you can make use of the right keywords, etc.

    Hope this long-winded and circuitous post helps.
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  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    [DELETED]
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  • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
    Originally Posted by LoclBiz View Post


    I'm an electrician, I just want people to call me when they want electrical work done. So how do I write something compelling
    A client of mine replaced the plumber phone numbers
    and logos out with his electrical clients details.

    Then ran the ad in Craigslist.

    Added a new $20,000 monthly income stream.



    About your webpages.

    Test this on 2 low traffic pages. Have an image
    with it's own unique title tag for each page.

    If after a little while Google hasn't changed the
    ranking, then put unique title tags on that same image
    on every page.

    You've now got the same winning ad on each page,
    yet to the Google bot sees each page as different.

    Mission accomplished.

    Best,
    Doctor E. Vile
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    • Profile picture of the author DABK
      The problem, as I see it, is that you have the same content in different clothes on all the pages.

      One of the sites I run has 36 local lending pages, all ranking on page 1 in Google, my bounce rate is 48%.

      My landing pages have the following format:

      Is Your X City Bathroom Remodeler Going to Cost You Dearly?

      A few paragraphs about problems people can have with X City remodelers and how to avoid them.

      Subtitles like this: X City Bath Remodeling Problem Avoided?

      I use photos from their city.

      I sometimes use info about their city: but probably not like you.

      I do things like:

      How many bathrooms get remodeled in X city in a year?
      X site says there are y# of households. My experience remodeling bathrooms in X city, says there must be xy# of bathrooms, because the average house I work on has 1.5 bathrooms.

      B neighboring city has only this many while the city of B (which, as you know, neighbors X city to the north has got xyb baths (the average house has 2.25 baths, as per my experience). And all that started with 1 bath, built by Mr. ABC in 1875, according to Wikipedia.com (Wiki tells you things like who built the first house or bought the land the first houses to call themselves X City were).

      Oh, yes. I have 3 or 4 calls to action in the article and there are the ones in the header and sidebar too. And people call... Marketers use my contact form, though.
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  • Profile picture of the author Joe J
    I agree with what Joe Golfer suggests.

    To add to that, I would search (under the 'NEWS' tab), each city or town's names along with "electrical fire" or "electrical code violation" and write some interesting copy explaining the what and whys of what happened along with the solution that you could provide to prevent that same situation.

    This should provide plenty of unique material to have on each different page.

    Joe
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  • Profile picture of the author savidge4
    Originally Posted by LoclBiz View Post

    Each landing page has the following:

    A) 3 paragraphs talking about our business and what we can do for the customer. This was originally well written, however, it has been "manually spun" 34 times now. I think that's the problem. How many times can you say the same thing uniquely?

    B) A picture of something major in the town that everyone who lives there knows.

    C) Some town information from the town homepage or Wikipedia that has been manually spun to be unique, but reads well.

    Like I said, the landing pages work well in the rankings, but I need them to get the customer to call! If I could get them to click the other services pages, I think that will help close them as well. But most of them just bounce back to Google.

    I'm an electrician, I just want people to call me when they want electrical work done.
    Here is the thing about city specific pages... it doesn't matter how many times you re-write something. Someone in "Redtown" for all intensive purposes should probably not see the page for "Bluetown" So the idea that all this spun and redundant material being the issue - well its not the issue.

    Above I have bolded some of your text. What does "Some town information" have to do with hiring you as an electrician? What does some "picture of something" have to do with hiring you as an electrician? What exactly does "talking about YOUR business" have to do with hiring an electrician?

    I am going to throw a quick question and a concept at you. Do you have a opt-in form to contact you on these pages? I ask for a simple reason... To get the phone to ring more, you have to leave a "Choice" of methods of contact. Adding a more complicated opt-in form to these pages IE First Name, Last Name, Phone Number, E-mail Address creates a great amount of friction in filling out the form... so what is the "EASY" choice? calling. - and the phone number is right there above the form, as well as in the upper left corner of the page and in the lower left - at the very least.

    Now back to the content of your page. All the stuff you have is great. but think for a few moments.. why do people call you most? what is the single most repeated problem you are called to fix?

    For the sake of discussion we will say it is arching outlets. What were to happen if you had a nice image and message that read: "Tired of the threat of shock every time you plug in an appliance? Call Bill at (XXX) XXX - XXXX Now." or "Are there outlets in your house you refuse to use? Call Bill ...."

    Think of it this way.. you are not an Electrician... you are a solution. You have 34 opportunities ( your 34 landing pages ) To figure out what solution gets your phone ringing.

    The rest of the crap gets your page listed in a good position... the top of the page "Solution to a Problem" gets the phone to ring.
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    Success is an ACT not an idea
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  • Profile picture of the author TypingPandas
    Hi,

    I do believe the spun content is a problem. It might be difficult to write the same thing in different words 35 times, but a good and experienced copywriter can do this for you. Finding the right words in order to make you stand out of the pile of electricians is key here. You need to highlight what you can do for the customer. Ok, you're professional and fast and clean, but how exactly does this help the client? That's what people nowadays want to find out.

    Also, I agree with @savidge4 - why do you need the town information and a picture of "something major" in the town to attract customers? I believe the people in that town already know something about the town and how it looks. I think you should eliminate these.

    Stick to your business and how it can help people. Start with a short description of your business and then highlight the benefits of the customer. Include a clear and to-the-point call to action and a link towards your contact page or even your contact details.

    All the best,
    Typing Pandas
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  • Profile picture of the author Jennifer Hutson
    Why is anyone still wasting their time responding to this guy?

    The OP hasn't bothered to log back into WF since the day he posted this thread, and his responses previous to that were nothing but defensive, condescending and rude.

    Not to mention, he provided no actual landing pages - so who knows how he expects anyone to give him real advice that's relevant to his problem.

    Word to the wise, OP (if you ever decide to log back in): Don't come in here acting like a know-it-all when you're the one asking for advice.
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  • Profile picture of the author Tom Miles
    Dude...
    Write one page and be creative in how you send people to that One page! Have you tried directing people via QR Codes. Or how about...
    One page labeled "Now Serving" and have a list of 34 different links that send them to the one page you want them to see. Are you Mobile Ready? If you feel like you would like some help contact me @ Ready Mobile Solutions | Is Your Site Mobile Friendly? I'm sure we can sort things out for you.
    All the best!
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