Critique - Hold nothing back - Meetup Group

14 replies
Long time lurker, new poster. Very excited to see some other top marketers.

What do you guys think about the "About Us" section of my meetup group?

FREE 1hr Course - Beginners Guide to Professional Web Dev - Beginners Guide to Professional App Development (Greater London, England) - Meetup

I thank you to hold nothing back. Tear it apart. I love all feedback.


Will




The content is copied to below:
Newer versions further in the thread...

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Designed for science & humanities graduates, consultants, entrepreneurs, small business owners.

A from-scratch, non-technical, easy, step-by-step guide to how to build websites and apps.

In an intimate evening with ask-anything questions with someone who has lived and run tech startups for the past 2 years. I'm going to teach you everything I can in a short, evening session, dense with information, and jargon-free - broken down into a way that makes sense for absolutely anyone, including complete beginners.

If you're interested, I'm going to reveal below exactly how websites work.

First, here's what the FREE evening will cover:
How to build the app or site, like Kickstarter, Twitter, Facebook and thousands more.
How and why startups are so VALUABLE
Why you should and shouldn't learn this skills
Where to learn it for FREE
Why your talent is in demand - the jobs available & exactly how to get them, down to the exact emails I have used. Essentially, I want you to be able to design...

from scratch...

...the website or app to solve real-world problems. You can connect people, you can educate people, and at the same time when you're solving painful problems for thousands of people at a time, and people will pay a small amount to have that painful problem solved, your company can generate thousands of pounds of profit.

What else I want to share:
The 5 (out of THOUSANDS) of programming languages that are worth mastering, that you can use to build a killer portfolio of functioning, profit-generating websites.
The exact tools I use.
Where I go for information
How I can solve any programming problem with 3 approaches.
Exactly what to read and watch to teach yourself - at your own speed - everything.


How easy is it to get jobs in this field? Let me share my story.

“You said work wouldn’t get in the way of Us”

My partner looked icily at me.

It was the first day of her moving in with me, and I was already breaking a promise I’d made to her. I had just told her I would have to work late tonight.

It was July 2014, I was working 10 hours a day creating 60 Second Laundry, a website that allowed busy people to reach their local dry cleaners and hire them to pick up, clean, and deliver back their laundry.

I wasn’t working 10 hours a day because I loved it.

If the business didn’t start making real money soon, I was going to be completely, ‘end-of-the-overdraft’-style broke.

The kind of ‘broke’ where you get kicked out of your flat and move back in with your parents. My rent was due soon and I didn’t have the money to pay it.

I had been getting by very close to the line, working the minimum amount needed to fund my start-up, when suddenly two invoices for work I’d done didn’t get paid.

My girlfriend had just moved in with me, but she didn’t have the rent either and was looking for a job in the area.

You can imagine the feeling of suddenly potentially losing my life and friends in London.

And I’d made promises that work wouldn’t get in the way of my relationship.

The next day, I started looking for a job, sending the following email. Not showing off my “skills” and “work ethic”, but my portfolio of actual websites that the employer could browse themselves - just like you will be able to.

In TWO days this landed me two ‘40k starting-salary’ projects, the first of which started the following Monday. And yes, that rent got paid.

Friends of mine in this space, under the age of 30, with around 4+ years of experience, are earning £70k and £80 as senior developers. The reason I was able to get the jobs so fast is that £40k is child’s money in this space compared to what employers normally pay.

I’ve seen an advert on Work In Startups (a job board) for a Senior JavaScript developer at a bank that paid £800 per day - that’s £200,000 per year.

For some people, these skills mean the ticket to being paid well in a cool startup in London. For others, it’s the ability to make something exceptional themselves. For me, it’s a little of that, but it’s also the freedom to pursue my own ambitions and a founder, or a writer, or anything I like, knowing that whatever happens I will be able to find a well-paid job on demand if I need it.

How a website works is like this. Your computer sends a message to the website, saying “I want the homepage”. This website is your personal butler. You send it a request, and it goes off, gets the information you ask for, and brings it back to you.

You might request the homepage from your site. Your butler goes off, gets the homepage, and brings it back to your screen so that you can see it. When you click on a link or button, that sends off another request. It says to the butler “go get this second page”… and your butler goes off, gets it, and brings it back.

But what if we could make our butler smart?

Need a haircut? Ask Google Map’s butler, he’ll find you the nearest 10 on a map, with directions.

Need insurance to go abroad? Insurance engines contact hundreds of companies, find the best quote, and with the confirmation to buy, will then agree the deal for you with that company for them to underwrite you for millions of pounds of damages.

AirBnB’s butler finds you the people (and only the people!) who have a spare room to rent… any place in the world. Can you imagine doing that yourself?

Uber’s butler finds you a cab, agrees on the rate.

eBay’s butler gives you a list of every person selling a particular type of beanie baby, and gives your details to ever person looking to buy exactly the things you don’t want.

You build the butler. The butler performs impossible tasks, faster than any human ever could, for millions of people.

The beauty of it is that you train your butler once. And your butler can serve a million people. It can serve thousands of people simultaneously.

Well, what programming is about is about teaching your butler how to do these things.

You may well be thinking - that sounds bloody complicated! There’s no way I’m smart enough to do that. Thankfully, there are two magic bullets:

1.) You can send your butler on a pre-made training course. For example, you don’t have to work out how to do “logging in” or “photo upload”, or even understand it. You can just copy existing code in. You can use this code, free, and legally. Modern coding is mostly assembly of the required pre-made parts.
2.) There are step-by-step guides for everything you might want to teach your butler to do for people. If you can follow a recipe to bake a cake, you can definitely follow the steps to teaching your butler to perform any task.

Is this a shock? Building smart, incredible websites isn’t watching lines of code pouring down the screen like in the matrix - it’s just putting building blocks together, like Lego. Anyone can do it.

And I don’t think we’ve even touched what these things are capable of. The next 20 years could hold anything.

The value of these butlers is incredible. Forget billionaires like Mark Zuccerberg (Facebook’s CEO), Larry Page and Sergey Brin (Google) or Elon Musk (Paypal) - The internet has created more new millionaires in the last 20 years than there were millionaires in all the years before then. It has simply never been easier to create massive value for the world and, in turn, become a millionaire.

Even if you’re not of the entrepreneurial bent, hundreds of people who are ARE going for it. And this has created an oil-derrick explosion of investment, development jobs, and money to pay for the development of these butlers.

To give an idea of the scale, it’s typical of a startup to raise £300k of investment to spend before even starting to build the product, raise £1,000,000 - £10,000,000 a year or so in, which are mostly spent on marketing and… the butler. This is why developers are paid £40k - £80k. Their talent is gold dust!


The web is changing the world. From Just Eat to Amazon to Google. At the heart of it are developers that create these systems to service millions of people around the world.

Being able to create these sites, from nothing, doesn’t require a team or thousands of pounds. One person can do it on a budget of zero. And your website can change people’s lives.

Building these is fun - even addictive.


I invite you to attend the free evening events or get in touch.
#back #critique #group #hold #meetup
  • Profile picture of the author LivingstoneM
    I'm going to suggest that you hire a professional writer to articulate what it is you are trying to say.

    You're not really trying to sell anything directly here (except, I suppose, persuading people to join your meetup), but there's still a lot that could be improved.

    1. The grammar. The page is riddled with grammar errors. Misplaced commas forces the reader plod through haltingly, instead of smoothly. Some places lack periods; capitalization at times appears to be arbitrary, so it's confusing.

    2. Word choice. An "intimate evening"? You might want to rethink the phrasing of that one. Visual words and lively verbs are lacking, making the writing stale-as-a-pizza-left-out-on-the-counter-overnight.

    3. The organization. It's so confusing. There are no headings. And it meanders on and on and on, but I really don't see that there is any organization here -- any logical progression from one flitting idea to the next.

    4. Where is the magic of words? It doesn't start with a bang that draws the reader -- fast -- into your copy. Say something truly interesting or intriguing at the start. Lift the readers out of the prosaic -- capture their imaginations and take them aloft. Make what you say really worth reading.

    5. The analogy of a website to a butler was confusing more than enlightening. If your target market is science and humanity grads, entrepreneurs, etc., I think some analogy other than a butler is going to work far better. That's one of the weirdest analogies I've come across for showing how a website works...

    Hope this helps -- let me know if you have any questions!
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  • Profile picture of the author chillheart
    It sucks.








    Okay okay, I'll be helpful.

    One of the ways I see how the letter misses the mark... is not having a specific-enough target audience.

    Right at the beginning, you say this is for "science & humanities graduates, consultants, entrepreneurs, small business owners."

    Bad idea.

    Make this event For Web Developers, By Web Developers.

    Anybody else is unwelcome.

    It's quite simple really: When you appeal to everyone, you appeal to no one.

    So let's get you into the right mindset, wtaylor:

    science & humanities graduates
    Eff 'em.

    consultants
    Eff 'em.

    entrepreneurs
    Eff 'em.

    small business owners
    You guessed it: Eff 'em.

    If they aren't willing to call themselves Web Developers, then...

    They Are Not Your Target Audience!

    Crack open the jargon jar if you want, and appeal only to the Web Developer crowd -- wannabes included. (If you do it right, they'll feel that they fit right in, regardless of how experienced they are.)

    Your personal story (the "40k starting-salary" part) almost got the targetting right.


    Well, I think that should get your noodle going for a while...
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    • Profile picture of the author wtaylor
      Ok, taken on board! Please continue to hold nothing back.

      New version has much less spin, it's less winding and the grads are taken out.

      The issue is, when I picture who I'm marketing to, it's NOT for web developers... it's for non-technical people. I can picture many of my friends working in offices, in non-programming roles, who have told me that they're really interested! So how do I target exactly those people?



      ---------

      Free Introductory Courses for professionals, entrepreneurs, business owners who wants to boost their business or improve their earnings, and make a difference in the world.

      Ever wondered how people build websites like Twitter, Facebook, Kickstarter and Meetup? Is it possible for someone with no programming experience? What do you learn and what do you do?

      This evening course is a short, non-technical guide to how to build websites and apps. Jargon-free and easy to understand, but full of important information. I've lived and run tech startups for the past 2 years. I'm going to teach you everything I can in a short, evening session - broken down into a way that makes sense for absolutely anyone, even complete beginners.

      The evening will cover:

      • How these apps and websites work on the inside

      • How you can build the site, like Kickstarter, Twitter, Facebook, the Yellow Pages.

      • Why you should and shouldn't learn these skills

      • Exactly which programming languages that are worth learning, that you can use to build a killer portfolio of functioning, profit-generating websites.

      • Where to learn them for FREE

      • Why startups are so valuable right now

      • Why your unlocked talent is in demand - the £40k - £80k jobs available & exactly how to get them, down to the exact emails I have used.

      • The exact tools I use.

      • Where I go for information

      • How I can solve any programming problem with 3 approaches.

      • Exactly what to read and watch to teach yourself - at your own speed - everything you need.

      I want you to be able to design and build... from scratch... websites and apps that solve real-world problems.



      I hope to see you at our next event! Any questions or thoughts, please don't hesitate to get in contact.

      Best,

      Will



      p.s. Being able to create these sites, from nothing, doesn't require a team or thousands of pounds. One person can do it on a budget of zero. That's why I've created this meetup, and why I think it can be so powerful in changing people's lives.
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      • Profile picture of the author marciayudkin
        Learn to build a website like Twitter or Kickstarter in two hours with no programming experience?

        Get real!

        This is not believable at all. Sorry!

        Marcia Yudkin
        Signature
        Check out Marcia Yudkin's No-Hype Marketing Academy for courses on copywriting, publicity, infomarketing, marketing plans, naming, and branding - not to mention the popular "Marketing for Introverts" course.
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      • Profile picture of the author kk075
        Originally Posted by wtaylor View Post

        • Why you should and shouldn't learn these skills
        This is just one example of the problems you have- please tell me exactly how you're going to tell people in attendance why they shouldn't learn what you're teaching? Because if you deliver the message good enough, they will get out of their seats and walk right out the door.

        Essentially, you rushed through this and made several careless errors like that. So either pay for 30 minutes of an editor's time to polish this up or run it as-is...but there is no third option. Your writing skills simply are not strong enough.
        Signature

        Learn to sell like a pro through Web Synergy's marketing blog.

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  • Mouse rolled & eyes scrolled as typos took hold.

    So:

    1) Ditch the list at the start and hit on everyone.
    "Free Introductory Courses for professionals, entrepreneurs and business owners who want to make a difference in the world."

    2) Keep your query simple — and clip your list at 3.
    Ever wondered how people build websites like Twitter, Facebook and Kickstarter?

    3) Punch up what's on offer.
    This course is a concise, non-technical guide to building websites and apps.
    It's jargon-free, easy to understand, and full of practical information.
    I've run tech startups for the past 2 years and I'll teach you everything I know.
    If you're a beginner, start here.


    4) Murder that cover list.
    50% of this list says nothing. "The exact tools I use"? For what? Cleaning your bathroom? Boil the whole lot down to 6 or 7 clear, enticing offers. Then fix up all those glaringly absent periods with the bullets you save.

    5) Get real
    I want you to be able to design and build... from scratch... websites and apps that solve real-world problems.
    To hell with your private fantasies — what about ME?

    Everything you need for designing and building websites and apps is here.

    6) Close, and finish
    Everything from PS onwards is drivel, hence your scythe before mine.
    Signature

    Lightin' fuses is for blowin' stuff togethah.

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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    Will,

    There's gold hidden here but you're not pitching it properly. I could rewrite it and it would sing. But dude - I get paid good money for that.

    And for God's sake lose "FREE". Know what that says? "This is rubbish" and/or "We're going to bait and switch you".

    (I have some form in this area. I wrote the "Skybuilder" salespage (on building apps) which went on to make a great deal of money. Have a look - SkyBuilder )

    BTW - don't go nicking bits and pieces of that copy. Or I'll have your guts for garters.

    I'm excited for your project - but you're not getting that across. For the same reason I don't design webpages or apps - not my field of expertise.

    Mal
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    • Profile picture of the author wtaylor
      Thanks, this is both brutal and exactly what I need to hear. How do you guys get your work proofread? I have nobody experienced in copywriting to show this to.


      -----------

      New version:


      Ever wondered how people build websites like Twitter, Facebook and Meetup?

      This evening course is a concise, non-technical guide to building websites and apps. It's jargon-free, easy to understand, and full of practical information.

      I've run tech startups for the past 2 years and I'll teach you everything I know. If you're a total beginner, start here.

      The evening will cover:

      • How these apps and websites work on the inside.

      • How to get multiple offers of employment paying £40k - £80k in days, & exactly how to get them, down to the exact emails I have used to do just this.

      • The programming languages that are worth learning, so that you can use to build a killer portfolio of functioning, profit-generating websites. (Many beginners fail by learning a language that is obsolete or will be in the next 5 years.)

      • Where to learn everything for free, and a run down of all of the courses in London.

      • Where I go for information, support, and how I can solve any programming problem with 3 approaches. How to never, ever, get 'stuck'.


      Lets design and build websites and apps that solve real-world problems.


      I hope to see you at our next event! Any questions or thoughts, please don't hesitate to get in contact.

      Best,

      Will
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      • Profile picture of the author wtaylor
        Should I advertise that they can ask me anything?
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  • Profile picture of the author Tim R
    Are you really sure who you're marketing to?

    I can't imagine anybody who is looking to build the next Facebook or Twitter is perusing the Meetup groups looking for info on how to do so.

    From my experience with this half the reason people go to these groups is for the social aspect, which you're completely neglecting. Especially in a city like London with a huge percentage of foreigners, meeting new people can be a challenge.

    If it were me, I would make your copy more conversational and work the social aspect in there somewhere. You might even want to target this to people who want to learn the skills of a programmer without having the social life of one.
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  • Profile picture of the author JohnRussell
    Dude...look at your first sentence:

    "Ever wondered how people build websites like Twitter, Facebook and Meetup?"

    The answer is no. Almost nobody will read past that first sentence.

    Next sentence...

    "This evening course..."

    What does that mean? "This course - which conveniently takes place in the evening?"

    It's really hard to read. I see you have a decent vocabulary but stringing a readable sentence together is tough.

    What is the core offer here - you'll teach them how to build apps so they can get a job programming?

    Try something like this...

    --
    Just weeks from now you could have multiple job offers in hand - just from learning a simple set of skills that nearly anyone can pick up in a hurry.

    Yet as simple as these skills are, they're in crazy-high demand...employers pay those that have them $80K+ a year, easy. Right from the get-go.

    What is this in-demand career?

    It's all about building simple but powerful web 'applications'.

    Most don't know it but sites like Twitter, Facebook and Meetup are surprisingly easy to build - yet they're worth a King's Ransom to the companies that want them.

    So, when you know how to build them, they're happy to share the loot.

    You could have a brand new life in just a few short months.

    Fact is...

    I can show you everything you need to know to get started building web applications in a single 3 hour class.

    No, you won't be a full-blown programmer in 3 hours...but you'll be on your way. It can be done a lot faster than most people realize.

    Here's how...

    --
    You get the idea. Just be more conversational and worry more about readability.
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    • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
      Banned
      Originally Posted by JohnRussell View Post

      Dude...look at your first sentence:

      "Ever wondered how people build websites like Twitter, Facebook and Meetup?"

      The answer is no. Almost nobody will read past that first sentence.
      John's right. That sentence won't motivate anybody. But if you said something like "Facebook started in a dorm room reeking of smelly socks...

      Twitter had its Genesis on top of the slide on the north end of South Park. Four guys were eating Mexican food and shooting the shit. One guy said “I want to have a dispatch service that connects us on our phones using text.”

      ....when Meetup was just getting started the internet was a vastly different place. Techies could be had on Craigslist for promises of equity. There were no lightweight programming languages and if you needed data from another company you had to get your business development people on the phone with their business development people. You couldn’t start a social network or a daily deal site for less than $10,000; you needed $250,000.

      Clean that up then segué into your pitch. Something like "Do you have a great idea for an app and don't know where to start?"
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      • Profile picture of the author JohnRussell
        Originally Posted by The Copy Nazi View Post

        John's right. That sentence won't motivate anybody. But if you said something like "Facebook started in a dorm room reeking of smelly socks...

        Twitter had its Genesis on top of the slide on the north end of South Park. Four guys were eating Mexican food and shooting the shit. One guy said “I want to have a dispatch service that connects us on our phones using text.”

        ....when Meetup was just getting started the internet was a vastly different place. Techies could be had on Craigslist for promises of equity. There were no lightweight programming languages and if you needed data from another company you had to get your business development people on the phone with their business development people. You couldn’t start a social network or a daily deal site for less than $10,000; you needed $250,000.

        Clean that up then segué into your pitch. Something like "Do you have a great idea for an app and don't know where to start?"
        I have a problem.... I go right for the sale immediately ... I am not good at storyelling...Copy Nazi is...and his post is very instructional as to how to write copy with a story, I appreciate it.
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  • Profile picture of the author wtaylor
    The response has been off the hook! I'm doing two courses a week for the next two weeks, and I've had more interest than I can possibly used! I'm fully booked!

    116 people have joined the group, of which about 70 have joined one of my events coming up.

    And this is on zero promotion or budget - just people seeing the ad and signing up.

    Thank you for all the help!
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