Please critique my sales page when you get a spare moment

1300 words later and we still have no idea what your report is actually about. All I know is that I'll be able to magically produce a novel in 90 days.

You need to explain your product better. How exactly are you going to help me as a writer? Telling me I'm going to be able to write a novel in three months is not enough. You need to show me why I need this report to fast-track my novel writing career.

Overall, the copy left me bored and confused. Go back to the drawing board on this one.

On a side note, you really need to have someone proofread this for you. You have a boatload of glaring grammatical errors throughout the report and they shred your credibility. If I'm buying from a writing expert, I better not be finding writing errors in their report. I saw at least 20.

There are a lot of things I can comment on (such as you ALL CAPS
HEADLINE--a no, no) but I think the letter is structured wrong.

Here is a suggested STRUCTURE:

1. Start with your story of winning your contest.
2. Tell how you graduated into a novelist--awards won, stories sold--anything
to build your credibility.
3. Say HOW you discovered your shortcuts (the report will contain the WHAT)
4. List the benefits of your report
5. Answer OBJECTIONS--disbelief that the prospect can really do this in 90 days
6. Present the VALUE of the report and why they are getting it so cheap.
7. Ask for the sale.

-Ray Edwards

You're using a WHOLE LOT of words, but you're still not saying much.

Aside from the writing being overly wordy, you're tap-dancing around the nucleolus of the message instead of nailing the bullseye right out of the gate.

Most writers never finish what they start because they lack the work habits of a writer and don't understand that writing is more about process than end results.

BUT...they THINK their problem is writer's block and procrastination. And they're so immersed in this symptom, they can't see past it until you get them out of the woods with your product.

So you need to sell first, so you can solve later. Right now, you're trying to solve their problem in your letter, when most likely, they don't even understand it well enough to hear you. It's like trying to teach a drowning person to swim while they're trying desperately not to sink.

Again, sell first so you can solve later...


What if you could STOP procrastinating, wipe our writer's block and have a fully polished novel in your hands in just 12 short weeks?

Imagine the look on your friend's faces when you proudly place a crisp, glossy, full-color printed copy of your BRAND NEW novel in their hands. Imagine them saying:

"Wow, I started reading your book last night and I can't put it down! Can I get another copy for my friend?"

BAM! There's your first book sale!

...paint the picture. Give them the life raft, not the entire damn swimming lesson. That's what they're paying you for.

You lost me right away by using what should be eyebrow copy as a headline...

Agency mumbo jumbo...meaning:

"eyebrow'
In copy, this is a short, introductory headline that appears in smaller type and is featured above the main headline."

Source: (Web Copywriting Glossary)

By that ^ definition, I'd agree.

§I give you only aesthetic judgment
you could add some simbols/immages!

First of all, don't make any mention of the fact what you or your niche does can be difficult - "It may seem like an insurmountable task, but"... eliminate that and see how much more powerful it looks if you're thinking like a customer.

Be more concrete - "Imagine the thrill of having finally completed that
novel that's lived inside you for months or years."

In terms of specifics, which creates a connection with your customer, that's like say, "food" and "shark eating your leg" - one creates VISUALS which creates EMOTIONS.

Create a solid, concrete image, so real, that if you described your vision for my life (aka your sales letter to me), I'd see the exact same picture you see.

Do they care about having a "completed novel" or "imagine feeling the hardcover book, staring at the cover of a million-dollar bestseller that on exists because YOU imagined it and gave it life".

No one dreams of "writing a novel" - they dream of being a bestselling author, and having millions of people impacted by their work - the more the better.

You're not "selling a product"... you're creating a VISION of your customer's future.

Hi there,

Sincerely, there is nothing in that sales page that draws my attention. There should be more headlines and subtitles that stand out. Also, you should insist on the benefits that the clients get from buying the product. It's not all about selling and money, but also about how it makes them feel and think. Create a story that helps people believe in something; that sells hope and emotions, because people are tired from all the advertising popping up from everywhere. Try to be different and creative. Good luck!

Best,
Typing Pandas