HostLauncher sales page - what do you all think?

by Daniel Brock

Posted: 15 years ago 7 replies

COPY WRITING

Hello Warriors,

I need some reviews of my very first sales letter. I did some testing and it is currently converting between 1:60 and 1:70. Located at http://www.hostlauncher.com

Any tips or things I should add?

What do you all think about how the content text is laid out? Is it too bunched up making it unreadable?

My headline, I use the words How To. I noticed that a lot of the popular products on CB seem to avoid the words How To. Are these two words ones that I should leave out in my sales letter?

Thank you everyone! Looking forward to your critiques.

#hostlauncher #page #sales

Chris Ramsey 15 years ago

Post a link and we'll be glad to look.
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- Daniel Brock 15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by scheda
  
  Post a link and we'll be glad to look.
  
  Hah. Just kidding! Here it is HostLauncher - A complete step by step blueprint to starting your own web host.
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  sun2son 15 years ago
  
  DB,
  
  I did just a quick scan (time constraint) and it looks like a good job overall.
  
  I will say I got 'stuck' on the headline and had to read a couple of times to make sure I understood it (which imho is a problem).
  
  I'm sure you already understand the huge importance of headlines - I think you can do better.
  
  Otherwise - Congrats on a fine looking site!
  
  s2s
  
  Thanks
  
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  Daniel Brock 15 years ago
  
  I know what you mean about the headline. I have been working on it for awhile now but just cant seem to find the perfect way to explain what it does.
  
  I noticed that on the most popular sales pages, they dont even describe what their product is in the headlines.
  
  That is something I have no idea how to do with the nature of my product....Any suggestions?
  
  Thanks
  
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  Hugh Thyer 15 years ago
  
  I agree, its a pretty good effort, but the headline was hard to read.
  
  How about making money "by hosting other people's websites".
  
  This is a bit of a rough shot, but have you thought about making it more IT geeky/techinical. I know you shouldnt in a sales letter but if your prospects are technically minded people looking to make money, then talk dirty to them (and I mean technology). Of course, it depends on who your prospects are.
  
  Hugh
  
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J. Barry Mandel 15 years ago

It reads to me: Dull and boring.

You need to make it more exciting

And your headline needs improvement - think BENEFITS...
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- Daniel Brock 15 years ago
  
  Thanks so far guys - I will definitely be spending a lot of time on my headlines tomorrow.
  
  What would you all say is an acceptable length of a headline? Can making it too long be dangerous?
  
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