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My first Post and and some copy for your review

by JohnK
3 replies
Hello Copywriting Warriors,

This is my first post to this section of the Warrior Forum. I have just started branching out and away from the main forum and the WSO forum. I've been developing my own systems and processes in copywriting now for a few months. I put together an offer recently that I decided for various reasons I would not run. So it ended up being more of an exercise (which is always good) for me.

For the experienced and seasoned copywriters here, I would appreciate your honest feedback on my copy. I know I have lots of improving to do, but I'd love your feedback on where I can improve.

Attachment 2396

Best Regards,

John K.
#copy #post #review
  • Profile picture of the author jukeboxhero
    What's the point of the Zero commission picture if you don't have a Proof of increase picture of your own....If you don't have proof that's cool, but putting that up made me think your were going to show me a great "after" picture...

    You essentially put the picture of a Fat Girl up, but never showed what your product did for her.

    What's the point of this...Honestly it looks like you've created a badly presented product so that people can watch you fall flat on your face...Is that the idea.

    There's no direction to the letter...What's in it for me.

    I mean, dude....Might you be way better off to camtasia your stuff then if you make, then post your vids...

    If everyone watches you fail big, then what's that going to do for them?

    Sorry if this all sounds harsh but...Theres really no other way to put it.
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  • Profile picture of the author activetrader
    You need to start all over from the beginning... You are missing out on the most important ingredients here... who are you? why should I pay you? where is proof?

    Start with a headline... then work down the typical copywriting techniques... oh wait, check this out ... http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...copy-ease.html
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