This is my first ever sales page -

by pbennett

Posted: 15 years ago 11 replies

COPY WRITING

I didn't just throw this up. I did research it and gave it my best shot. I've never done this before in my entire life. Could you guys please look at it and let me know what i can do better?

Gluten-Free Chocolate Online Baking Course | Everything Deliciously Chocolate and Gluten Free

Thx!

#page #sales

CDarklock 15 years ago

I really like it! I love how you've pegged exactly the right benefit for the customer: your bullets aren't techniques and methods, they're results.

Brownies! Cakes! Pies! YES! That's what I want! I don't want ingredients or work or lessons, I want FOOD!

However, is this only for desserts? Can I bake good bread with this technique? Flatbread, pizza crust, etc? Or is it specific to desserts? Yes, desserts get people excited, but there are a lot of people out there pining away for a good pizza or properly-textured focaccia - which, as you know, usually requires development of the gluten in the wheat... and is nearly impossible to get right gluten-free.

(Yeah, I bake, okay? Former pastry chef. Laugh all you want, I make the world's best cheesecake, and women will do ANYTHING for good cheesecake. A-NY-THING.)

Answer that question, and you should have all the objections handled. You should get more customer involvement, though - "The Snickerdoodles I baked were good right out of the oven and good on the third day. I didn't have to freeze them to keep them or to increase their moisture content."

How about "You'll bake Snickerdoodles that are good right out of the oven and good three days later. You won't have to freeze them to keep them, or to increase their moisture content."

I'm really impressed. I wish my first sales page had been this good.
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"The Golden Town is the Golden Town no longer. They have sold their pillars for brass and their temples for money, they have made coins out of their golden doors. It is become a dark town full of trouble, there is no ease in its streets, beauty has left it and the old songs are gone." - Lord Dunsany, The Messengers
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- pbennett 15 years ago
  
  wow, cool. Thanks for the comments. I'll make that change.
  
  I wish I had ever been a pastry chef! This is really quite difficult for me because I am just having to experiment to get the right results. I haven't gotten as far as focaccia yet. I have done just plain rice bread and it turned out pretty good. It takes a lot of time....!
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  Signature
  
  Newbie blogger:
  
  http://www.gluten-free-chocolate.com
  http://tubepans.com
  
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  Collette 15 years ago
  
  Tighten up your focus a little. Who's your MAIN reader/target?
  
  (a)The person just beginning to experiment with gluten-free baking and wondering where to start?
  
  Or
  
  (b) the person who has already been baking and is frustrated by gritty results?
  
  Pick one as your primary target; the other as your secondary target. Then tweak your copy slightly, recognizing that each target has a different frame of reference.
  
  For example (a) the newbie gluten-free baker, would be more concerned with the ease of the method, while (b) the more experienced baker, would be more influenced by the grit-free and cost-cutting results of the method.
  
  So, if you decide (a) is your primary target, your copy would run along the lines of: "Learn How to Bake Delicious Gluten-Free Cakes, Cookies, and Pies... Quick and Easy Method Guarantees Grit-Free Success Every Time!"
  
  On the other hand, if you decide your primary target is (b), your copy would run more along the lines of: "Frustrated by Dry, Tasteless Gluten-Free Cookies and Cakes? Amazingly Easy Method Guarantees Moist, Delicious Results Every Time - Even If You've Never Baked From Scratch Before!
  
  See how the outlines hit both (a) and (b)? Or (b) and (a)?
  
  Going down the page - you lack a Call to Action. In other words, you need to tell your reader exactly what you want them to do next (buy the report, become a member, sign up in the box for your course, whatever). And if there's a price attached, you haven't mentioned it. Need to add those before you go live with this.
  
  Generally copy-wise, I think you're fine. Your copy is not slick, but reads like it comes from a real person. I believe that you exist, and that you geniunely have something real to share. This is all good. Maybe get a pro to help you improve the flow when you have a final draft, but this is a pretty good first attempt as it is.
  
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  pbennett 15 years ago
  
  Cool. Thanks. Love your headlines! I don't think I have that talent. Can i use them?
  
  I'm not really wanting to guarantee anything with this method because it's new and it's not exact. In other words, I can't give them an exact recipe and guarantee that it will work exactly every time. It's a product of the rice flour and how it's manipulated. This really and truly does need a food scientist, but I can't afford it and if I did afford it, I don't think I would see a return on my investment. But, I CAN point people in the right direction and they can make it work for them. But as in all gluten-free baking, they will have to experiment.
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  Signature
  
  Newbie blogger:
  
  http://www.gluten-free-chocolate.com
  http://tubepans.com
  
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  Collette 15 years ago
  
  I don't know that you have to guarantee anything. It depends upon your offer. Which I can't really comment on, 'cause it's not on your page - yet.
  
  I was talking about your Call to Action, which is the point in the pitch when you basically say to the reader, "Here's what I need you to do next. Fill out the form and begin your 5-day online course right now." Or whatever.
  
  Feel free to use anything in my posts that you want. Happy to help.
  
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  pbennett 15 years ago
  
  lol....thanks.
  
  ok, i was just going to put a button at the end of that page that hooks up to E-Junkie? I haven't quite got that far. I've never hooked up a page to E-Junkie, either....
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  Signature
  
  Newbie blogger:
  
  http://www.gluten-free-chocolate.com
  http://tubepans.com
  
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  Collette 15 years ago
  
  Go look at some sales pages you like, and have a shot at writing your 'close'. Let us know when you're done, and we'll have another look.
  
  Thanks
  
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  pbennett 15 years ago
  
  ok, thanks:-)
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  
  Newbie blogger:
  
  http://www.gluten-free-chocolate.com
  http://tubepans.com
  
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nontemplates 15 years ago

Wow pbennett

For a first time try thats really good and I like your blog design and the content you aree building up. Great start
- Thanks
- 1 reply
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- pbennett 15 years ago
  
  thank you very much!
  
  I'm going to really launch it in a few weeks. I have several things i have to get done before I promote it.
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  
  Newbie blogger:
  
  http://www.gluten-free-chocolate.com
  http://tubepans.com
  
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marketingjitsu 15 years ago

Is there supposed to be a call to action?
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