Cold Email Copy Advice

9 replies
Hey guys so I'm starting a service where I create, manage, and send out a Email Newsletter for real estate agents to market to there past clients and leads. Iv been Cold emailing real estate agents on craigslist and at first I sent out 20 emails and got 1 agent to sign up however now I'm not getting any responses really. Now I know this isn't a master sales copy but tell me what you think of the email iv been sending out. I just want it to be simple and effective. here's what I write.


Hi I read your craigslist ad. I create, manage, and send out email marketing news letters for real estate professionals like yourself. I know creating valuable content to send out and maintaining constant contact can be hard with your busy schedule and I solve that problem. Email me back for more information. Look forward to hearing back from you thanks!


What needs to change?
#advice #cold #copy #email
  • Profile picture of the author ajwalton99
    Write more about your background and
    qualifications.

    What credibility do you have in this field and
    how does this help them make more money.

    Also, what is the benefit to them - what do they
    gain from signing up for you newsletter.

    "Staying in contact with former clients is
    vitally important - and now you can outsource
    this important task"

    "Here are 5 reasons why you MUST sign up
    for my newsletter service"

    Also for this kind of thing it might be better
    to send actual physical mail to your prospects.

    Cold emails are cheap and people just delete
    them.

    Actually you could keep the short emails and
    have a link to a sales letter or squeeze page.

    "10 Reasons why it pays to stay in contact
    with former clients"

    Or case studies - Mr X signed up in November
    and here's what we did for them.
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  • Profile picture of the author shawnlebrun
    Originally Posted by NeedLeads View Post

    What needs to change?
    Honestly... everything.

    Not trying to sound harsh... but that is the least compelling email I've read in a long time.

    It's bland, boring, shows nothing for the reader, etc...

    You gotta catch their attention fast, with a pressing problem they're facing, and in seconds... show how you can help them, then prove it, and tell them to call you now at XXXXXXX.

    I don't have time to get into an entire email course or lesson, but check out Dan Kennedy's Ultimate Sales Letters, Magnetic Marketing, etc... I have one he did to target dentists and chiropractors, and he included mailings in it that could easily be applied to email.

    Here's a letter I used to mail out, first class, about 10 years ago, or so, if I remember.

    And it was when I was relatively new, so I look at it now and don't feel it's great.

    But for every 100 letters I mailed, I landed 5 clients. And these were clients who paid on average $5,000 to $10,000 per job.

    Again, it was written a LONG time ago, so it's not that great, but it will give you an idea of what kind of writing worked for me, and how yours is different...
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  • Profile picture of the author NeedLeads
    Shaun that letter really inspired me and I know exactly what you mean now . Back to the drawing board and I will post an update. Thanks!
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  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    NeedLeads,

    1. You do know that on Craigslist advertisers are advised not to correspond to commercial offers like yours, right?

    2. You do know the Craigslist is a known magnet for people trying to scam advertisers, right? Advertisers are reluctant to interact with people who are not directly responding to their offer.

    3. You do know that the advertiser will be reluctant to hand over their hard won prospect's email address, right? I mean YOU wouldn't ever think of using their email list they give you to run offers of your own, right? (Maybe not, but others would love the opportunity.)

    I don't care how great the copy is, Craigslist is the wrong place to solicit prospects for an offer they didn't ask for. Sorry to un-inspire you but there's no sense wasting time on a project that is doomed from the start.

    - Rick Duris
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  • Profile picture of the author NeedLeads
    Yea that makes sense Rick. I feel like offering this newsletter is a good idea because A. I see realtors spend money every day on stupid stuff that won't make them money and B. Most realtors don't know how valuable this service can be and don't have the time to create the letters them selves. Rick how would you suggest going about this if not craigslist?
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  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    Here's one strategy:

    1. Offer content on Facebook to the real estate agent audience that strongly and confidently advocates using newsletters as an incredible way to farm real estate prospects.

    2. Offer an automated webinar (webinarjam.com.) Inside the webinar content, teach real estate agents how to create their own newsletter. The goal? Reveal the method to your madness. Don't hold back.

    3. Your offer at the end of webinar is a done-for-service. Guess who's? Yours.

    This strategy ensures the right people will be watching your webinars.

    - Rick Duris

    PS: You're probably not gonna know how to bolt all this together such that it converts. I'm not the guy because I'm booked solid for months. But if you're serious and you have at least $10K to get the job done, I'll get you hooked up with someone. Feel free to PM me.
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  • Profile picture of the author onehalf
    Hi NeedLess,



    I suggest that you read your sample email from your target client’s perspective and put yourself in their shoes. Think how you will make them sign up to your offer and convince them that your service is the solution to their problem.
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  • Profile picture of the author Cam Connor
    7 Tips For Better Prospecting Emails | Tropical

    Here's a nice little blog post I bookmarked on this subject a while back.
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  • Profile picture of the author Paul Hanney
    Basic copywriting formula is:

    PROBLEM + PROMISE + PROOF + PROPOSITION = PERSUASION

    I don't think you are really addressing any of these 4 areas above to persuade you target audience. You are not building any credibility into your letter, these people don't know you so why should they listen to you. How are you able to stand out amongst all the other marketing clutter. The most powerful above is the Proof, show them what the work you do will do for them with some powerful proof elements.

    Oh and above all else, don't sounds so sales like, that is an instant turn off for anyone!
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