by TaraB
19 replies
I'm doing a copywriting course at the moment and as part of my coursework, I have to write headlines. I'm really struggling. The course notes aren't great and neither is the support from the tutor. Everything's done online, so there's no chance of having a telephone conversation to discuss things properly. Anyway, the task is to try to write a 4-6 word headline for a number of articles. I should try to use short words.

Here are details of the article I am struggling with:

A girl from Liverpool has cancer. She is celebrating Christmas 2 months early at Disneyland. The reason she is celebrating early is because they do not expect her to live until December. A local business is paying for the trip.

They are the facts I've been given. I haven't actually been given the full article. I don't know if the trip is "a surprise". I'm struggling to find the right angle. This is the angle I'm going for: the dying child is celebrating Christmas early. Does anyone think I should go for another angle?

The course notes say headlines should be full sentences. They should always have a subject and a verb.
#headlines #writing
  • So, they started you on the easy ones?

    Have a look at Upworthy (google it if you don't know it).

    It's crammed full of emotive headlines.

    Pick the ones you feel are most suitable.

    But don't use them verbatim - (never, ever do that) - replace a few words, add a twist and a shake...

    And the new versions will be exclusively yours.


    Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Cancer Girl Gets Her Dream Trip To Disneyland
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      • Profile picture of the author TaraB
        Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

        Cancer Girl Gets Her Dream Trip To Disneyland
        Thank you. I did think about writing something about a "dream trip", but the copy that has been provided mentions nothing about it being a "dream trip".
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        • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
          Originally Posted by TaraB View Post

          Thank you. I did think about writing something about a "dream trip", but the copy that has been provided mentions nothing about it being a "dream trip".
          Tara, I would find it strange that you are unable to
          add your own words to what has been given...
          otherwise a machine could come up with a combination.

          Best,
          Doctor E. Vile
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          • Profile picture of the author TaraB
            I can only work with the facts I've been given, can't I? Maybe it's the girl's trip; maybe the CEO has offered the trip because he has assumed that all young girls like to go to Disneyland. I'm not sure.
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            • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
              Originally Posted by TaraB View Post

              I can only work with the facts I've been given, can't I? Maybe it's the girl's trip; maybe the CEO has offered the trip because he has assumed that all young girls like to go to Disneyland. I'm not sure.
              The more bland version without the emotive "dream"
              would look like this...

              Cancer Girl Gets Trip To Disneyland

              Now you have it in 6 words.

              Best,
              Doctor E. Vile
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              • Profile picture of the author TaraB
                Ewenmack, thank you. I just thought about writing that! I could go for "Terminal cancer girl gets Disneyland trip". I wasn't sure if I should go for the Disneyland angle or the early Christmas angle. I'm still not actually. I'm guessing I should go for the Disneyland angle as that is what you have chosen, and you're an experienced copywriter...

                Would these be too vague? "Dying cancer girl gets generous gift" or even "Dying cancer girl given generous gift."

                I thought about your hint, Steve. Maybe this would work: "Dying girl gifted with Disneyland trip."
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                • Cancer Girl + Disneyland = Christmas Present

                  Cancer Girl Gets Early Disneyland Christmas might work also.

                  Early Disneyland Christmas Delights Cancer Girl has emotes.

                  Cancer Kid Brings Early Christmas to Disneyland. Hmm.

                  Cancer Girl Inspires Disneyland with Christmas Spirit.

                  Cancer Girl Gets Heartwarming Disneyland Christmas.

                  Guess alla this works from a c/w POV, but we gotta think about the girl.

                  She is a person first, an' a headline second.

                  Disneyland Girl's Christmas ...

                  Disneyland Girl with Cancer Celebrates Christmas Early.

                  Disneyland Christmas For Cancer Heartbreak Girl.

                  Cancer Can't Stop Ellie's Disneyland Christmas.

                  Kimberley Beats Cancer To Disneyland In Time For Christmas.

                  (Or 'for christmas')

                  It's a tougher call than 'cancer girl', but the options are there.

                  But plz plz plz do not say 'dying'.
                  Signature

                  Lightin' fuses is for blowin' stuff togethah.

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                  • Profile picture of the author TaraB
                    Originally Posted by Princess Balestra View Post

                    Cancer Girl + Disneyland = Christmas Present

                    Cancer Girl Gets Early Disneyland Christmas might work also.

                    Early Disneyland Christmas Delights Cancer Girl has emotes.

                    Cancer Kid Brings Early Christmas to Disneyland. Hmm.

                    Cancer Girl Inspires Disneyland with Christmas Spirit.

                    Cancer Girl Gets Heartwarming Disneyland Christmas.

                    Guess alla this works from a c/w POV, but we gotta think about the girl.

                    She is a person first, an' a headline second.

                    Disneyland Girl's Christmas ...

                    Disneyland Girl with Cancer Celebrates Christmas Early.

                    Disneyland Christmas For Cancer Heartbreak Girl.

                    Cancer Can't Stop Ellie's Disneyland Christmas.

                    Kimberley Beats Cancer To Disneyland In Time For Christmas.

                    (Or 'for christmas')

                    It's a tougher call than 'cancer girl', but the options are there.

                    But plz plz plz do not say 'dying'.
                    Thank you. You have gone to so much effort.

                    I did think of "Cancer Girl Gets Early Disneyland Christmas". Good to know someone else thinks it could work.

                    I like "Early Disneyland Christmas Delights Cancer Girl. Does that imply that the girl has already been to Disneyland?

                    I don't like using the word 'dying', but it seems to be in headlines quite a lot - even ones for articles about young cancer victims.
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    • Profile picture of the author TaraB
      Originally Posted by Steve The Copywriter View Post

      So, they started you on the easy ones?

      Have a look at Upworthy (google it if you don't know it).

      It's crammed full of emotive headlines.

      Pick the ones you feel are most suitable.

      But don't use them verbatim - (never, ever do that) - replace a few words, add a twist and a shake...

      And the new versions will be exclusively yours.


      Steve
      Thanks, Steve. I think the problem is that I'm not sure what the best angle is. I'm confident I'll be able to write something once I have the right angle.
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  • To find the "angle" ask yourself...

    What is it you want the reader to "feel" and what would entice them to read on…

    Hint for your headline assignment -

    The "Feel" could be the tragedy of dying young and the wonderful, generous sides of human nature.

    Blend what is a very emotive story with intrigue/curiosity.



    Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author TaraB
      I want the reader to feel sorry for the girl and for them to want to read on to find out why she is celebrating Christmas early. I was going to go with something like this: "Dying child to have early Christmas". Thanks for the tip!
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  • Ok.

    Cancer girl is the star.

    The local business is the hero.

    Many more would like to be or could be hero's (and they are always needed).

    So you might want a headline that pulls them in.


    Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
      It sounds like you've been asked to write a headline for a news story, not a sales piece. So I don't get the purpose of the exercise.

      But anyway...

      A headline that creates curiosity gets attention. Here are five ways...

      1. Incongruence
      2. Story
      3. The unknown
      4. Challenge conventional wisdom
      5. The product's differentiation

      Alex
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      • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
        Who wants to read about a girl dying of cancer? Most people don't, so I wouldn't use either word in a headline ("cancer", "dying").

        Something like this might work...

        Liverpool Girl Celebrates Christmas Two Months Early...
        And Discovers [
        whatever the big benefit of the product is]

        Alex
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      • Profile picture of the author TaraB
        Originally Posted by Alex Cohen View Post

        It sounds like you've been asked to write a headline for a news story, not a sales piece. So I don't get the purpose of the exercise.

        But anyway...

        A headline that creates curiosity gets attention. Here are five ways...

        1. Incongruence
        2. Story
        3. The unknown
        4. Challenge conventional wisdom
        5. The product's differentiation

        Alex
        Thanks for your reply.

        I don't get it either. I am writing headlines for hard new stories, not writing to sell. I'm supposed to be learning how to write to sell. Thanks for the tips.
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    • Profile picture of the author TaraB
      Originally Posted by Steve The Copywriter View Post

      Ok.

      Cancer girl is the star.

      The local business is the hero.

      Many more would like to be or could be hero's (and they are always needed).

      So you might want a headline that pulls them in.


      Steve
      I really like this idea. I have to write 3 versions of the headline once I've decided which angle to take: one that intrigues, one that is informative and another that is for the web (which needs to be informative).
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  • Isn't it refreshing to get appreciation from someone asking for advice?

    Notice how everyone was individually thanked.

    I'm sure you'll all join me in giving Tara a warm round of applause.

    And we wish her well in persevering and moving forever onwards with her copywriting course.


    Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author TaraB
      Originally Posted by Steve The Copywriter View Post

      Isn't it refreshing to get appreciation from someone asking for advice?

      Notice how everyone was individually thanked.

      I'm sure you'll all join me in giving Tara a warm round of applause.

      And we wish her well in persevering and moving forever onwards with her copywriting course.


      Steve
      Thank you, Steve.

      I really appreciate everybody's help.
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