Help and criticism required

7 replies
Hi,

What i require is hardcore critique to some of my materials (leaflets).
Anyone willing to have a go?

Many thanks
#criticism #required
  • Profile picture of the author DABK
    You'd get a lot of feedback if you put one up here.

    Originally Posted by smareks View Post

    Hi,

    What i require is hardcore critique to some of my materials (leaflets).
    Anyone willing to have a go?

    Many thanks
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  • Profile picture of the author smareks
    Hi,

    Thanks for replies.
    Leaflet attached (we are small heating company installing and repairing boilers)

    and 2 sided leaflet
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  • Profile picture of the author strawhat
    Hi, proofreader here.

    Change: If anyone knows how to install quickly, efficiently and at a great price, it's us. to If anyone knows how to install a boiler quickly, efficiently, and at a great price, we do.

    We'll ensure your home is left clean and safe, and we will take your old... (add "we," otherwise you're saying the home will take the old boiler away!)

    You need to fix this sentence: We work with the best boiler brands like Worcester Bosch, as well as knowing which brands will give you the best value.

    Corrected: We work with top boiler brands such as Worcester Bosch. We know the brands that deliver the best value.

    Also: Change manufacturers warranty to manufacturer's warranty.

    Right under that, change no obligation quote to no-obligation quote

    Where it says Keep Your Home Warm With Frontline, change the W in With to lower case.
    Keep Your Home Warm with Frontline
    It's a style choice to put articles and prepositions in lower case, I think it looks nicer, but it's up to you.

    fast and high quality heating should be fast and high-quality heating (add hyphen)

    If the text changes and you want me to look again, message me.
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    • Profile picture of the author DABK
      You lack a good headline... We're your local experts is a) a claim you make that you're not backing up, b) not an offer, let alone a good one, c) about you, not about me, the leaflet reader.

      You need a good offer. You need to talk to your intended audience's pain points. You need to read this thread: http://www.warriorforum.com/offline-...back-dead.html.

      You seem to be targeting homeowners... Why do homeowners even think about a new water heater? Why don't they do it themselves? Why should they not hire someone else, someone from a big company? (Because we're your local experts is not a good reason.)

      Why do you use such a big-ass image? If you must use that image, make is smaller, so you have more room for words.

      But, if you want an image, why not find something more useful.

      And, again, where's your offer?
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    • Profile picture of the author smareks
      Hi guys,

      First of all many thanks for your comments and suggestions.
      This really helps me a lot to understand and see this from a different perspective. Greatly appreciated!
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  • Profile picture of the author Oziboomer
    It is far too much about you and not enough about them.

    Lead with the problem and then offer the solution.

    As in many cases the first thing you say after the headline is more appropriate as the headline. "When you need a new boiler"

    You may want to think more about how you can articulate the problem.

    "Hot water running cold?"

    Get piping hot water flowing again.

    Call the gas-safe heating experts now!
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