Best Headline?

by Jack Bastide

Posted: 15 years ago 22 replies

COPY WRITING

Hey Guys.

Which of these 6 headlines do you like the best?

Headline 1

Expert Communication Specialist Exposes Powerful Techniques
To Seduce Your Market And Make Them Want to Do Business With
You Over and Over Again ... Guaranteed!

Headline 2

Expert Communication Specialist Exposes Powerful Techniques
To Seduce Your Market And Make Them Seek You Out to Do
Business With You Over and Over Again ... Guaranteed!

Headline 3

I Can Help You Seduce Your Market And Make Them
Want to Do Business With You Over and Over Again ...
Guaranteed!

Headline 4

I Can Help You Seduce Your Market And Make Them
Seek You Out to Do Business With You Over and Over Again ...
Guaranteed!

Headline 5

Expert Communication Expert Helps You Seduce Your Market
And Make Them Seek You Out to Do Business With You
Over and Over Again ... Guaranteed!

Headline 6

Expert Communication Expert Helps You Seduce Your Market
To Seek You Out to Do Business With You Over and Over Again ...
Guaranteed!

Jack

#headline

Alexa Smith Banned 15 years ago

[DELETED]

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- Jack Bastide 15 years ago
  
  Good Point .. I can try
  
  these are a work in progress
  
  Jack
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  If you can drive Biz Op Phone Calls .... I'm Buying
  
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  Jack Bastide 15 years ago
  
  A few More
  
  Here's How To Seduce Your Market And Make Them Seek You Out
  To Do Business With You Over and Over Again ...
  Guaranteed!
  
  Now You Can Seduce Your Market And Make Them Seek You Out
  To Do Business With You Over and Over Again ...
  Guaranteed!
  
  Seduce Your Market And Make Them Seek You Out
  To Do Business With You Over and Over Again -
  I'll Show You How ... Guaranteed!
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  Signature
  
  If you can drive Biz Op Phone Calls .... I'm Buying
  
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  Matthew Iannotti 15 years ago
  
  Discover how you can hypnotize your market that takes you from zero to hero generating repeat business over and over....
  
  Just through that together...
  
  I like your # 2 as well..
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  Jack Bastide 15 years ago
  
  You know I just realized something
  
  My first Ever headline was my infamous Free Sex
  headline ...
  
  http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...-free-sex.html
  
  Now I'm talking about SEDUCING Your Market
  
  Maybe I need to take a cold shower before writing headlines?
  
  Jack
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  
  If you can drive Biz Op Phone Calls .... I'm Buying
  
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haikuangel 15 years ago

Hi! I think you need to reword your headline a little bit and remove the first person explitives. It seems impersonal and it doesnt allow the consumer to discover "for themselves" Try an empowering approach, its always better to titilate by self discovery.
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- 1 reply
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- Bill Jeffels 15 years ago
  
  "How To Seduce Your Market
  And Have Them Do Business
  With You Continuously"
  
  Have your customers putting
  money in your bank account
  again... and again
  
  I also like Headline #1 of post #4.
  
  Take care,
  
  Bill Jeffels
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  
  Bond Halbert's Badass Blog
  " You Are One Sales Letter Away From Being Rich " --Gary Halbert
  
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arj_n 15 years ago

I like starting off with 'Seduce' like in this version:

"Seduce Your Market And Make Them Seek You Out
To Do Business With You Over and Over Again -
I'll Show You How ... Guaranteed!"

I would reword "I'll Show You How... Guaranteed!", to something more like, "You Can Get Started Today!", give them a stronger call to action. The reader will catch on to the 'Seduce your market' bit, and then you convince them that they can do it now, no muss no fuss.
- Thanks
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Kyle Tully

15 years ago

Hey Jack

Who is your market?

I'm not sure if "seduce your market" is what most people want... or even understand.

All the headlines basically say the same thing, why not brainstorm some different approaches, I'm sure you'll find a much stronger angle.

Cheers
Kyle

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1 reply

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Consulting Tycoon

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Jack Bastide

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Kyle Tully

The Market is Small Business Owners

Here's the Thing ...

My Client wants a Softer and Gentler Sell because that's how she speaks

Nothing With "Cash Sucking" Or "Massacre The Competition"

She won't even let me offer "Free Sex" as a bonus

Jack

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1 reply

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Kyle Tully

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Jack Bastide

Jack

Like I said, you should brainstorm some different approaches... there are a LOT more angles than "Cash Sucking" or "Massacre The Competition"... and, at least to me, "seduce your market" doesn't sound much less "hypey" or "hard sell" anyway.

How many small business owners have woken up in the middle of the night, slapped their forehead and exclaimed... "damn, if only i could seduce my market!"?

What have you gotten from your research of the market? What are they telling you? I'd be SHOCKED if any of them mentioned the word "seduce".

Thanks
1 reply

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Mr. Subtle 15 years ago

When I read the word SEDUCE (six times!) it made me twitch. So I did a quick Websters/Dictionary(dot)com search for the meaning... just to make sure I really did understand the meaning of the word.

Well, here's what the experts say it means:

to persuade to disobedience or disloyalty
to lead astray usually by persuasion or false promises
to lead astray, as from duty, rectitude, or the like; corrupt.
to lead or draw away, as from principles, faith, or allegiance

WOW!... disobedience... disloyalty... lead astray... false promises... corrupt... YIKES!

Dump that bad boy verb and find something much better JACK and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, ... until you find one.
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- Jack Bastide 15 years ago
  
  One of the things I market is Send Out Cards which
  is a tool for building strong relationships with your
  customers
  
  Awhile ago I tested the following words in My Twitter Profile
  to market Send Out Cards
  
  "How to Make Your Customers Fall In Love With You
  And Recommend You To All Their Friends"
  
  I got a TON of business Owners asking me about my
  profile
  
  So 'Seduce Your Market' Came From That
  
  A synonym of Seduce is Attract
  
  Other possible words are
  
  Charm
  Captivate
  Allure
  Enchant
  
  I'll see what I can do with these words Since you
  guy hate the word Seduce so much
  
  Jack
  
  P.S. I was just over at copywritingboard.com and somebody had the follwing
  in their sig file: "The Hypnotic Copywriter - How To Use Simple Words To Persuade
  & Seduce Your Prospects"
  
  So I'm not the Only one that uses that word .. LOL
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  
  If you can drive Biz Op Phone Calls .... I'm Buying
  
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colmodwyer 15 years ago

Yeah, I'm with the "seduce" is a turn off gang... It kind of sounds like you want to bed you customer. Which is absolutely the case if you're writing a brothel promo.

But I can't imagine you are.

Other than that the headline (or variation of) is very flat. The prospect has seen it a billion times before.

Colm
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- CDarklock 15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by colmodwyer
  
  Yeah, I'm with the "seduce" is a turn off gang... It kind of sounds like you want to bed you customer.
  
  Actually, being "in bed with" someone is a common American euphemism for a business partnership.
  
  Ex. - "Now that Yahoo's in bed with Microsoft, maybe Google will have some real competition."
  
  So maybe it's not such a bad way to put things.
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  Signature
  
  "The Golden Town is the Golden Town no longer. They have sold their pillars for brass and their temples for money, they have made coins out of their golden doors. It is become a dark town full of trouble, there is no ease in its streets, beauty has left it and the old songs are gone." - Lord Dunsany, The Messengers
  
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  DavidO 15 years ago
  
  I don't have a problem with "seduce". To me it implies persuasion rather than anything sinister. But I don't like "seek you out". It doesn't work in any of the examples.
  
  Even though I like the word "seduce" I agree that you need to try some completely different angles.
  
  Thanks
  
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Bigsofty 15 years ago

I'll throw in my 2 cents - the "seek you out" ones just don't roll off the tongue nicely. Get kinnda stuck behind the teeth somewhere..
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tbarnby 15 years ago

None of these really grab my attention. They all feel like they focus on "you" instead of my needs. Number 3 isn't too bad, but it still needs work.
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Jack Bastide 15 years ago

Hey Everybody,

although I still like "Seduce Your Market" I'm going
in a different direction for now

I may still split test that headline because the
bottom line is this ...

it's not what WE think works

The customer votes with their wallet

I have done some unconvential things in the past
that have pulled like gangbusters

so ya never know until you test

thanks for all the feedback!

Jack
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- digitalboyz 15 years ago
  
  I will choose headline 4
  
  I think it give me some material I need -I want to stand out of the crowd and get people come for me and buy over and over
  
  other headlines sound boring...
  
  Thanks
  
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