Could I get some feedback on an email pitch I am sending out?

Hi Tim,

Do I have clarity on your offer?

Are you saying you can help non-profits get a $10,000 grant which they can use to run PPC ads on Google Adwords?

Thanks.

Alex

Agreed with Ewen. You're never going to sell on the first contact (with rare exception).

If you want to really sell, you have to find the decision maker and develop a relationship so they know, like, and trust you.

Here are some suggestions for rewriting (goals: keep it short, simple, clear, and focused on what's in it for them):

I saw your request for donations on the Nonprofit Network of Southwest Washington website, and I wanted to help with your fundraising. I'm an independent marketing consultant with expertise in non-profit fundraising. For example, if you're registered as a nonprofit, I can help you get a $10,000 monthly grant for pay per click advertising, like the ads on Google.

There'd be no up front or out of pocket cost for my services -- I only get paid out of whatever I raise for you.

Please contact me directly at xxx-xxx-xxxx. I'm available at that number most any time (I'm disabled and work from home).

Tim,

Do you really have experience working with non-profits?

Is this what you are trying to sell them?

https://www.google.com/grants/

It's a bad email. Read it out loud. It's bad. It begs. And leans on "woe is me" to try to close the deal.

I work with non-profits. Plenty of them are contacted by folks who can't market much of anything and see them as an "easy target."

Look inside yourself.

Is that what you are doing?

If it is ... STOP.

If it's not ... Put your best foot forward. Treat it like you would working with any Fortune 500. Like it's the opportunity of a lifetime. If that email's your best foot forward, maybe this ain't for you.

No worries.

I'll never play in the NHL. I can't even skate. Doesn't bother me one bit.

Tim, you're being self-centered.

Who cares about you? You may, but they sure don't.

Lead with an offer to help get them that grant--FOR FREE. It's called foot-in-the-door marketing.

From there, you can pitch them to make sure their website is converting visitors into donors effectively. (Position yourself as person who can turn visitors into donors.)

Subject: Special Grant Invitation for X

Would you like to get more people to your organization's website? Would that help get you more first-time donors and donations?

I saw your request for donations on Wish Lists | Wish Lists | Community Programs | Nonprofit Network of Southwest Washington and I wanted to reach out to you.

I have a special affinity for what you're trying to accomplish.

If you want, I can help you secure a private grant of over $100,000 a year for online advertising of your non-profit to get the word out, sending people to your website to donate.

There's no cost. No fee. The biggest "catch" is your organization has to be a registered non-profit [or whatever].

I can tell you more when we talk. Feel free to email me to set up a call.

Again, there's no cost or obligation and I believe this opportunity could make a huge difference to the people you serve.

But you must hurry to take advantage in 2016. My email is X.

I wish you much success with your organization.

Tim Pears

PS: If you're not the right person for this opportunity, can you please forward this email to the right person in your organization? Thank you.

One caveat: leave actual details blind until you've qualified them as a client.

In other words, don't explicitly say "Google", "Adwords" or $10,000". They'll Google it and do it themselves.

Shot Rick.

If I might be so bold and it's by no means critically important - because the copy itself works well...

...I would give a reason behind the "special affinity" (to reinforce the "bond").

And give an indication why they "must hurry" (to get them to respond quickly).


Steve


P.S. Now, now stay calm, because I know, if you were writing this email for real and if you felt it was necessary you would have done this.

Dr Vile,

With the upmost respect, Mr Duris and myself were only discussing the finer points of the copy in the email.

I am sure we all agree, as you correctly indicated it is wise to send an email directly to the person we wish to communicate with - the decision maker.

If that is just NOT possible, and sometimes it isn't, we can do what Rick suggested - ask the best person we can get hold of to pass it on.

Once the "right" or the "best" name has been established it makes perfect sense to tactically plan and fully evaluate exactly what we need to say - so that our recipient feels a strong connection with us and is both thrilled and delighted to read our wondrous words which prove we will bring him or her or the organisation they work for the precise service that is desperately needed and so much more - and they respond at the speed of light. Or they make absolutely sure it gets to the decision maker and they respond just as quickly.

And if before sending this epic masterpiece it is possible to get the views of other esteemed copywriters, mentioning no names, in case I miss any out (although I would like Rick, Angie, Princess B, Alex and many others on my list - even that Ewen character can provide some valuable insights) - it is all to the good.

I do hope this clarifies the position for you.


Steve

Tim,

Just to clarify, here's what I was trying accomplish with that email:

1. Use the foot-in-the-door strategy. Done right, at some point upfront, they'll ask what you do. And how you get compensated.

Be honest.

Say something to the effect of "I can help non-profits get visitors they want to their website for free, but most non-profits are unable to convert the visitor traffic into donors and donations. That's what I do. I turn a non-profit's website into a donation machine."

Of course, they'll ask how you do that.

You should be prepared to discuss your various strategies in enough detail to satisfy their curiosity. But not so much that they could do themselves (and screw it up.)

2. The offer: You're leading with something they want. Donations. Rather than what you are or what you've got in your IM bag of tricks.

3. The PS: It's important. If the person is not the decision maker, the offer is valuable enough the recipient will forward to the right person because it makes THEM look good. It's actually better that the email is forwarded. It'll be interpreted as an encouraging referral "We should do this!".

4. To make yourself look a little more impressive, build out a website focused specifically on this profit center. Also test integrating a call scheduling/booking app for them to book time with you.

5. What Steve added shouldn't be underestimated. Adding a personal touch about why you're reaching out from an affinity perspective and why they should move fast on this opportunity (if you can) is important. I left it out because I was more focused on the overall strategy and offer.

6. I don't know if you've worked with non-profits but they're a unique animal. I'm on the boards of a couple.

If you can email and cc all the people on the board at the same time, do it. Same general opportunity. Internally, they'll huddle and pick one to get back to you. Funding decisions are made by the board.

There is no one decision maker. Although there are multiple influential people. You won't know who they are until you roll up your sleeves and get in there. The founder usually pulls the most weight. Selling non-profits requires patience and being socially aware of the internal political environment.

In other words, it's not quick cash. They're frugal to a fault with their spending. But once you're in, you'll be their go-to person forever. They trust you because you delivered.

Good luck.

I seem to have ther email )most of tyhe time) of the person in charge of getting the donations. I am assuming this is the person to contact.

Thanks for all your input. I do appreciate it.