Would like to know what you think about this new ad idea

If a person grew up with the muppets, it might work.

As a copywriter, do you believe this flows well and leads the potential client properly?

I don't like the introductory banter. Not relevant to the offer, doesn't really pique much curiosity.

Other than that it's an interesting idea.

I like the idea you have for being on retainer, particularly since you are in the freelance side of things. Can't say I like the video, as it is, but I like the idea. Maybe just a simple and straight forward video of yourself, promoting yourself, along with the retainer concept, (?)

I also vote for lopping off the first 31 seconds or so. Maybe add some subtitles for those of us who can't quite hear what's being said. But after that first part, it seemed to work.

I just had an idea, which would address both my concern, as well as strengthen your message: Keep the audio and video as is, and write the "proposed" headline, ad copy, etc., on the screen as the puppets are saying them. Then, when the one corrects the other, actually scribble out, (with childish flair), the "wrong" parts, and then show the corrected version.

Lol! That made me laugh just by looking at them.

Hey, you never know until you try. Give it a shot! It's something different and there's quite a few positive comments here.

All the best

I really like the idea and I was entertained. My only suggestions would be that, maybe you should keep it shorter, and have one more voice actor because the voices are too similar (in my opinion, but that doesn`t mean I,m right - I`m no George Lucas ) )

I like the "nobody is going to believe what we're saying" line at the beginning. Perks your ears up. Few people are going to stop listening after a line like that.

My criticisms would be:

1. The red guy sometimes speaks too fast... There was a sentence in there that I just couldn't make out, in spite of replaying it a couple times...

2. When you they talk blatantly about "remember scarcity" (as a copy device) while saying there are only two spots left, it makes the whole pitch seem a bit disingenuous. I mean, if you're using scarcity while revealing it as just manipulation, what else in your pitch is mere manipulation vs. real talk? Sure, it's an inside joke for clients who understand copywriting, but with the veil pulled back, why is scarcity there if it isn't real?

3. You might want to keep your son's hair out of the pic. If you're going to use puppets, do it professionally -- keep the performers hidden...

You might also want to put a faint (& light-hearted) musical background behind the whole thing. That might also add to the production values...

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As far as the retainer idea goes, I don't see the benefit for the client. You're untested (by them) presumably -- so why would they go straight to retainer?

All in all, I gotta say, I don't like the idea. "Attention-getting" stuff like the puppet show is more for when people chance upon your ad (eg. like in a tv commercial or magazine ad).

When you're instead driving traffic to it(?), it better be something super clever, memorable (& potentially viral), otherwise it adds little to your pitch and can even detract from it.

We all know the risks of using humor...

Imagine sending the busy president of a company to that ad -- a dude who knows nothing about you... A humorous puppet pitch could in that circumstance come across as amateurish... without adding enough "liking" or entertainment value to make it worthwhile...

So there's my two pence...

If you test that pitch, will you let us know how it did?

I felt the beginning of the ad is not that engaging, you may work on it, Else, you are creative!