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I am back !

by barakos9
16 replies
Hello Guys, few months ago I'd a site which got a really high bounce rate I'd to do something ,
I asked you guys and you said the copy is bad.. too negative actually , and you also mentioned the purple theme isn't working for you.

So.... I took all your advices and tried to implement them all into one page. now here's the result : Welcome to The Bible of the Bride | Free Yourself from Wedding Jitters
Please Tell me what you think now,

I appreciate your time and help, Barak
#back
  • Profile picture of the author MontelloMarketing
    The audio testimonial is so bad... and sounds so fake you will lose all credibility right there.

    If the woman in the picture doesn't speak english then don't use an audio. But using such a phony sounding actress (or robot or whatever it was) makes you look like a fraud.
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    • Profile picture of the author Ross Bowring
      You need to quickly get into how EASY, SIMPLE and QUICK this is going to be for the bride to be.
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    • Profile picture of the author barakos9
      Originally Posted by MontelloMarketing View Post

      The audio testimonial is so bad... and sounds so fake you will lose all credibility right there.

      If the woman in the picture doesn't speak english then don't use an audio. But using such a phony sounding actress (or robot or whatever it was) makes you look like a fraud.
      ok , that sounds like a good tip,
      I will handle it
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  • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
    Barakos,

    I'm not sure how many times we can kick this horse
    before it stays dead.

    I realize that you don't have much money.
    I understand that you are desperate to make this work.
    It doesn't...

    What a letter like this demands more than anything else
    is SINCERITY, authenticity...

    Vin is absolutely right (duh) about that testimonial KILLING
    whatever credibility you might have (which is to say NONE).

    Red is better than purple. That's an improvement...

    Otherwise, it's still stuck in the gate.
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    • Profile picture of the author barakos9
      Originally Posted by BrianMcLeod View Post

      Barakos,

      I'm not sure how many times we can kick this horse
      before it stays dead.

      I realize that you don't have much money.
      I understand that you are desperate to make this work.
      It doesn't...

      What a letter like this demands more than anything else
      is SINCERITY, authenticity...

      Vin is absolutely right (duh) about that testimonial KILLING
      whatever credibility you might have (which is to say NONE).

      Red is better than purple. That's an improvement...

      Otherwise, it's still stuck in the gate.

      ok..I didn't expect to much from you..
      you are always so negative , try to smile once i a while
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      • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
        Originally Posted by barakos9 View Post

        ok..I didn't expect to much from you..
        you are always so negative , try to smile once i a while
        Sorry.

        It's awesommeee!

        Good job!!!!
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        Brian McLeod
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      • Profile picture of the author MarkAndrews IMCopywriting
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        • Profile picture of the author Nick Brighton
          Originally Posted by Paul McQuillan View Post

          So all the "negative" advice you got, you tried to implement? Yet I see
          one 'thanks' on your thingy.

          You are the reason why we do not like giving advice as freely as before.

          Nick spent time on his response. Click the thanks button and show him
          some love. In 2 days this thread will be buried and nobody will know that
          Nick helped another Warrior.

          We don't sit around waiting for people to help for nothing. Most of us do it
          for recognition along with feeling like we helped someone.

          Thank you for your cooperation
          I appreciate your support Paul. In the OP's defence, he did thank me, just not via the thanks button.

          Nobody owes me anything around here - I'm forever in debt to most of you all, in one way or another (particularly the ones who post a lot overall in the WF).

          I'll take the recognition where it's due though, as let's not yank each others' chains here - this place is a lead generator as well as a community.

          Anyone who says otherwise is cretinous
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        • Profile picture of the author Bill Jeffels
          Ya, your back.

          Big F**** deal.

          You come and ask for help. Then you don't implement any of the help. Then... you bitch about. Your back... big damn deal.

          -Bill

          P.S. We've went through this already. Remember?.
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  • Profile picture of the author Nick Brighton
    1. I wouldn't consider reading your 1st paragraph - a sea of text seems like work to me
    2. Your formatting is all over the place
    3. The page feels too wide (for me anyway)
    4. Your stock photos for the testimonials are obviously fake
    5. 60 days is too short a guarantee considering most women start planning their wedding 365 days in advance (often more). Even more so when you look at the planner bonus, which would imply that the bride to be is in the early stages of their planning, not less than 60 days away
    6. The line "especially perfect" is an oxymoron and therefore makes no sense
    7. There's no hook
    8. There's no specific benefits implied (at least, not that I could spot on arrival)
    9. There's no USP
    10. There's no price justification
    11. You say it's normally sold for $99 - I say "so what?", because I don't see proof, or a reason why you're selling it for over 50% off...and I certainly don't see the value which warrants $99

    I hope this helps, good luck and keep at it!

    Nick
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    • Profile picture of the author barakos9
      Originally Posted by Nick Brighton View Post

      1. I wouldn't consider reading your 1st paragraph - a sea of text seems like work to me
      2. Your formatting is all over the place
      3. The page feels too wide (for me anyway)
      4. Your stock photos for the testimonials are obviously fake
      5. 60 days is too short a guarantee considering most women start planning their wedding 365 days in advance (often more). Even more so when you look at the planner bonus, which would imply that the bride to be is in the early stages of their planning, not less than 60 days away
      6. The line "especially perfect" is an oxymoron and therefore makes no sense
      7. There's no hook
      8. There's no specific benefits implied (at least, not that I could spot on arrival)
      9. There's no USP
      10. There's no price justification
      11. You say it's normally sold for $99 - I say "so what?", because I don't see proof, or a reason why you're selling it for over 50% off...and I certainly don't see the value which warrants $99

      I hope this helps, good luck and keep at it!

      Nick
      Thank you so much , these are helpful tips
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  • Profile picture of the author barakos9
    Always nice being here...
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    • Profile picture of the author Bill Jeffels
      Originally Posted by barakos9 View Post

      Always nice being here...
      Listen,

      The last person that helped you regarding "Wedding Planning" was...

      Michel Fortin


      Hello... if Michel Fortin gave me some advice... I would follow it!

      F-O-R-T-I-N. Not good enough.

      Sheesh

      -Bill
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    • Profile picture of the author MarkAndrews IMCopywriting
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      • Profile picture of the author Bill Jeffels
        Originally Posted by Paul McQuillan View Post

        When I first seen "I am back !", I am thinking who is back? I still
        don't know who this is. I have vague recollection much like when
        I went potty 3 days ago.

        I don't like the tude or the expectation.

        Of course now we are all a-holes.

        What's this business about Fortin helping this dood? That I did
        not know about...
        Ya, I almost crapped my pants.

        Michel Fortin, the man that Gary Halbert was impressed by. The man that John Carlton spoke about killer copywriting ideas with.

        The man that could call David Garfinkle right now if he wanted to... just to say... "Whats up dude".

        Yes, Michel was gracious enough to help out someone who is un-appreciative and un-grateful.

        Michel Freak'n Fortin

        Click This Bad Boy.

        -Bill
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